He's Back
by JNHwwe
Summary: Jeff Hardy comes to terms with the second coming of a certain Chris Jericho Slash warning mm CJJH also Matt Hardy,Taker,Edge,Cena etc
1. Chapter 1

This is just a short fic which i may carry on if there is good reviews its my first fiction so please be nice as possible lol, but if it sucks do tell the truth and i will try to fix that :O) ... So here it is!

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Disclamier: I own nothing! WWE owns all characters, no disrespect is ment for anyone, Slash is just fiction in this the characters real lives have nothing to do with this fiction ... thank-you

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Hes back ! 

Wow four years. Four long years, I knew he was coming back, it was no big suprise but ... but it's still hard to see it play out in my mind.

Four years ago, i wasn't in the best stage in my life, drugs had taken over my life, my relationship with the man i loved went down the drain and i was losing every will to live. Then when i got fired in 2003, i fell apart even more, I lost him. I lost my guy, my bestfriend and someone who i loved. Chris wasn't there any more, he use to be there all the time to hold me when it got to much, to wipe away my tears when my depression kicked in.

Now he's back, capturing everyone in the arena like he did two years before that. My return wasn't the best, i needed to get into the swing of things again, learn how to be in front of the huge crowds again, learn in a way to wrestle again. But Chris, hes always been able to be the best, he took the crowds by storm and worked them like no other even when he has been on a break for two years.

Me, Jeff Hardy ... well am the farthest thing from amazing, Chris Jericho or in my eyes Chris Irvine is the closest thing to amazing ever. I see him glide from the gorilla posotion soaking up the praise and the well dones from co workers back stage, His segment was amazing with Randy, it was intense and i want to go up and say well done to both of them.

No, please please please, Oh dear god no dont look over here. Randys looking over now beconing me to him.

"Hey hey rainbow!, hows it hangin' ?" , The WWE champion shouted over

"Not to bad Rand, not to bad, Awsome segment by the way"

"Thanks, hey man just to ask, are you coming down the clubs to night, celabration ?"

"Yeah i might, not to sure yet, i'll text you tonight to say if i am k?"

"Yeah cool man, Just try to get yourself out, its been a while since you came out, your always in your room either writing or drawing or something, just try k rainbow?"

"Yeah i'll try randy honest"

"Cool, well am out guys i need a shower then out on the kill for the girlys" One of my best friends laughs

We wave him off down the arena walls and then silence.

I love silence, it makes you clear your head and think of nothing. I really wish i could be in my room with the silence, it makes it all the more pretty. Lightly i hear my name.

"JEFF!...JEFF DUDE!!!!"

"HUH, sorry what did you say?"

The most gorgous guy in the world standing in front of me laughs "Same old Jeffy, always off in space"

And the penny finally drops, Me, Jeff, Jeff Hardy the loser who can bearly be in a crowd of more than thirty people without freaking. Is now standing infront of Him, Chris Irvine ... The amazing one himself, The Allatolla Of Rock 'Nd' Rolla. All alone just me and him. Now one question springs to mind here ... WHAT IN THE HELL DO I DO?!!

"So you coming out tonight on the town?"

"Errmm, Nahh i think i'll pass this one thanks Chris" I covered up with a sweet smile

"Ahhh no Jeffy come on, Like old times you and me"

"It's not like it use to be Chris tho, I hate big crowds, half the people scare me in the clubs we go to and Matty wont come 'cos hes off seeing Ash"

"Well kid you have me again in them big crowds, holding your hand all the way and protecting you"

"I still don't know Chris, What if I panic"

"Then i deal with it, 'cos thats what am here for, I wont leave you"

"Yeah 'cos thats logical"

"Whats thats suposter mean?"

"I ain't seen you in 4 years now nearly, and we are back to been the best of friends, holing hands and trust!"

"Yup" He answered with his number one cocky smile

"How? How the hell does that work?"

" Because I love you, you are still one of my bestfriends Jeffy, I said i wasn't gunna let go, and i never will either, we didn't see each other all this time because of problems, but now they are worked out and i want to go back"

"Just friends at first?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way kiddo" he smiles a sweet smile, not the Jericho smile, the Irvine smile, the one that gets me everytime

"Sooo, now, You, me, Randy, Paul, John, Adam and the rest of the guys and gals can get ready and have a good night out, right?"

"Yeah, you got me, Always did, always have, always will i guess" I smiled

"Lets go"

"Chris"

"Yeah"

"Welcome back"

He smiled and put his arm around me, and linked his fingers with mine. At that moment i knew The millions of people in the world got back Chris Jericho ... But i got back my Chris Irvine back ... and now things dont seem so hard to play out in my mind.

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Tell me your views just R+R and i will love the help or advise or anything i will acknowlage ... thanks again for reading ... this may TBC just tell me should i carry it on or not :) X much luv X 


	2. Chapter 2

BIG THANKS TO SARA51794 && TACOTO THE 12 YOU GUYS WERE MY FIRST REVIWERS SO I THANK-YOU :)

Disclamier: I own nothing! WWE owns all characters, no disrespect is ment for anyone, Slash is just fiction in this the characters real lives have nothing to do with this fiction ... thank-you

PANIC! ... thats what i can think at the moment. Its getting harder to breathe, and i can feel myslef going dizzy. I can't find Chris any where and my mind is going fuzzy. This isn't good ... Help!

Now i see him. Chris is up on the dance floor with micky james right now, i can see him having one hell of a time. I wish it was me in some ways, I wish i could go up there and dance and have fun without nearly collapsing. Chris did offer, he asked me first he wants to dance with me, we use to, before all of my panic attacks started.

He looks amazing, just perfect. His tight leather pants hugging every mussle in his toned thighs, and his tight army style shirt clinging to his sweaty abdoman and arms. God i wish i could be dancing too. His body grinds slowly and smoothly into Mickys body, even tho its all fun, i still get this jelous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I need to get back to the hotel soon, watching Chris dance with another body makes my mind cloud over even more. The music is dying down for five minutes to let everyone get a drink and calm down. Chris spots me and starts to move towards me.

His body weaves in and out of the sweaty bodys, and my heart starts to race, i just dont know why at the moment. As i think more and more, my green eyes are met with the most deepest blue eyes i have ever seen.

"You okay?" The owner of the blue eyes asks

"Yeah am cool thanks Chris, just a little iffy"

"If you want we can go, i dont want you feeling unwell"

"NO! am cools seriously, its just the crowds, and the dancing, i need more to drink then i'll be awsome" i try to joke but hes seeing right through it.

"Come on lets go back" he offered

"Nah Chris, go dance some more then come find me when your ready to go, Marks round here somewhere"

"Why don't you come up and dance, we use to tare it up!"

"Yeah that was before i was scared of big crowds"

"What did you always say when we danced?"

Oh dont bring that up, its stupid, to be honest i can't even remember...

"You always use to say it always felt like just you and me, even in a crowd of people" he answered before i could say anything

"Yeah but .."

"No buts, come on jeffy, we can make it the last of the night we are all going soon anyways and i want my last dance to be with you"

"I'll panic"

"No your with me, if you feel like its just you and me, then your not in that big scary crowd any more, its just us ... thrust me on this"

"Okay, but if i panic, can we come right off?"

"Promis jeffy, with the hole of my heart, i wont let anything happen to you"

Slowly we move to the dance floor and the music had begun when our conversation ended. My nerves are on end, am so scared, the only reason i 'aint running for the door is the gorgeous thing which is holding my hand. We go to the group on the floor, it calms me alot to know am not around strangers. Plus one of my favorite songs is on "Hellogoodbye, Here in your arms" its got a cool beat. Me and chris havent got much contact, i'm still nervous and wanting to run. Now as the song goes on we get closer.

As his body raps arounds mine enclosing me into our world, i feel free, my body loosens up, my mind clears and i smile. Our bodys feel perfect together, like they are meant to be like that forever. We move to the beat, grinding and holding, slight whispers and giggles in between, just to add to our world even more. When the song comes to an end and another loud one comes on, Chris looks up at me with them eyes and mouths the words "thank-you" kisses my hand and smiles. I smile back as he leads me to the rest of the group who are waiting to go back to the hotel.

Non of us can be the designated driver tonight, all over the limit and not in the mood to risk it or loose our jobs, we deside taxis will work. Me, Chris, Adam and Amy in one, Cena, Mark, Randy and Michael in the other and the rest sorted it out as we left. My head is killing me, with the panics, the alcohol plus the music and dancing it 'aint a suprise in the least, i just wanna get back and crash in bed. When we all crawl in to bed for the night or technically the morning the sweet noise-less room is heaven. Well you know what they say silence is deafining, and this knocking on my door at 3 in the morning is deafining!

Slowing shifting towards the noise making, i hurl the door open with a hard expression on my face, then it softens with the help of the hot one himself.

"Chris, in the most loving way possible ... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE AT THIS TIME?"

"I was board and couldnt sleep, plus after clubbing we always use to share a bed, just to talk and chill"

"Come in ... asshole"

"Funny jeffy, so how you feeling?"

"Like hell to be honest it aint good i just need 2 be horizontal, vertical hurts my head" I Iaughed

"Well then get to it"

I laugh at his forward comment and climb into bed, its cold which i love the window to the balcony is open wide and you can see lights for miles. Chris climbs in next to me, I move slightly over and away from him, giving him more space.

"Yeah cos thats logical" stealing my line

"Chris i'm sooo tired right now i have no idea what you are talking about, so inform me quick or go to sleep" i mumbled

"Why the hell are you all the way over there?"

"Cos its a big bed and people may want space"

"Yeah if we were people, but we arnt, plus its frezzing anyways, so come here and warm me" He laughs

"Right oh great master" I sarcastically reply

As i move closer towards him my heart skips a beat when his warm arm crawls round my scared body and rested on my stomach. He pulls me closer to him so we are sharing the same pillow and so close there is only about five inches between us.

"Better, see. Now this is right"

"Yeah, i see your point"

"I bet you do"

"Shut the fuck up, old timer"

"OH OH, go for the old hits will you, you will regret that"

"How you can't do anything to me, may hurt yourself" I giggle

"THATS IT, WAR!!!"

Chris screamed not caring about the people next door to us, he dived on me and started tickling my sides.

"SAY IT KID!, SAY MERCY"

"NO OLDY"

"SAY IT" I will have to say it soon, my sides are aching and the hole hotel will be up if i dont stop screaming.

"OKAY OKAY I GIVE, YOU WIN!!!!, STOP IT STOP!"

As both of us calm down and catch our breath we come closer and he holds me, so my face is cradled in the nape of his neck and our chests are pushed together. This feels good, it will be the only good nights sleep that i have ever had for 4 years now.

"Thanks for dancing today jeffy" He wispered

"No problem, it was fun, i couldnt of done it if you wern't there."

It's what i'm here for, helping and humping" his cheecky smile and tounge sticking out the side of his perfect lips.

"Right, i'll keep that in mind" I smiled back

"We gotta get some sleep jeffy babe, if we want to be alive tomorrow"

"Yeah your right, Mark will wake up call us, so its gunna be hell"

"Nite nite kiddo, we can talk tomorrow, love you.

"Nite Chris, love you too.

And for the past four years memories cross over my mind, not allowing me to sleep for nights on end. But tonight been back in the arms of my bestfriend one person who i love the most in life, i can sleep, i feel my eyes driffting shut, embracing the feeling of Chris' wrapped body round me. The sun will be up soon, but that just means another day. Another day with Chris.Another day happier.

Hope you like it, again am just a Noob at this, so it wont be the best, it will get better please R+R and give me any adivse compliments or even constructive crisism, its all welcome :) X much luv X ... please tell me should i carry this on ... you guys decide xD


	3. Chapter 3

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UBER SORRY! .. I wrote chapter number two at about 1.30 in the morning so therefore the terrible spelling mistakes are there. This chapter wont be as bad ... thanks X

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Disclamier: I own nothing! WWE owns all characters, no disrespect is ment for anyone, Slash is just fiction in this the characters real lives have nothing to do with this fiction ... thank-you

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This is rather odd i love Mark (The Undertaker) as a big role in Jeffs life so as fiction i used him as Jeffs uncle, if you don't like im very sorry but in my mind it works lol ... each to their own! X

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The hotel was flooded with wrestlers these few days, practically taking up a whole floor, all of them congragating in the halls waiting to go down for breakfast. In one group of wrestlers stood The Undertaker also known as mark, John cena, Edge also known as Adam, Matt Hardy, Randy, Lita also known as Amy and Ashley. 

"Why the hell are we still waiting here Mark, half of them have gone down now, we are going to be late" moaned John

"Because am looking for my dumbass nephew thats why"

"Found him! lets go" said the former WWE Champion joked, pointing to Matt

"Fuck you Cena" Matt laughed "But seriously where the hell is he am starving now, his phones off and he wont answer the door"

"Firstly my other dumbass of a nephew and Chris isn't up either"

"Well am hungry, screw them, if they can't be assed to get up and ready on time then it doesn't stop us, granted they did drink alot last night, hope they didn't do any thing stupid" Matt joked on.

Mark suddenly clicked on to something as banter was high in the group

"How 'bout you guys go get breakfast i'll get these two up and we will meet you guys there, Okay?"

A big wave of "yeahs, cools, okays, and thank gods" came in retort to Marks question. As the rest left and Mark was heading towards the rainbow warriors room.

"Mark wait up! i'll come with, am not too hungry anyways, as you know not even you by yourself can get Jeff up and out of bed" Adam smiled

"Thanks kid, just thought i have a spear key to jeff's room in my pocket, 'cos as you know he has a habit for losing things"

"Yeah, i know that all to well" Adam spoke

Mark and Adam moved towards Jeff's room, he slid the card into the door and waited for the little red light to switch to the green one and pushed down the handle and opened the door in one smooth movement proving he does this on a weekly basis.

As the two walked into the room, they saw the mess on the floor and all around the room, they felt the light breeze from the open window and the few bottles of beer on the floor from the night before, or infact the same morning. In the center of the room, the bed lay crumpled and askew, and what lay in the bed shocked Adam and Mark the most. There under the mounds of blankets and pillows lay Jeff and Chris in each others arms, peacefull and calm.

Adam stayed calm, Mark on the other hand took the opposite approach.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE DOING!"

Jeff's POV:

Things were nice, calm, chilled and silent, then one of the most evil alarm clocks ever to walk the earth started to scream. Uncle Mark.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE DOING!"

Would you believe that really hurts your ears, really bad after a night full of drinking and bearly any sleep.

"MARK WHAT THE HELL IS YOR PROBLEM?"

"Get up get dressed and then we will talk"

"Theres nothing to talk about, now go!, Me and Chris are feeling like shit!, so please no more evil alarm!"

"Jeffrey Nero, get up, dressed and then we will talk" Mark said in a clam tone, God i hate it when he uses my full name.

"Mark look nothing happened, theres nothing to talk about" Chris chipped in.

"Chris, look i want to talk to Jeff then later on you, Right?... So get up get dressed"

As me and Chris got up and dressed, I tryed to prolong said task, Mark knowing what i was up to, shouted even more, so to save my head i did what was asked.

"I'll see you later on today Jeffy babe, k?"

"Yeah, No problems" I smiled back to Chris, then he was gone, OH HOLLY CRAP!

"Hey Mark i'll head off down stairs and wait for you guys then"

"Thanks Adam"

Noooo Adzy don't go, don't leave me with Mark ... we are going to have to "Talk" which means SCREAMING at his end and me sitting there and taking it.

"Now Jeff, tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

"NOTHING!"

"Ahhh right 'cos walking on my nephew in bed with his old lover who hurt him in the first place, and who is also thirteen years his senior is nothing!"

"Look just drop it okay, we are just friends"

"No Jeff, i dropped it last time, and look what happened then!"

"DON'T FUCKING BRING THAT UP!"

"What Jeff? How can i not bring that up it? Your still feeling it ... your not fully recovered yet!"

"YEAH i know that, i don't need to be told that, i'm not going back a step, am fine ... WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

"My problem is you not been safe!"

"Not been safe! Am with Chris for Gods sake"

"Yeah my point exactly"

"He keeps me safe, HES MY BESTFRIEND!"

"A bestfriend doesn't leave a friend to die"

"Mark, i'm ill , i'm in a panicy mood, and you are treading on my last nerve ... so i suggest you shut the fuck up, and drop this whole thing" am gunna lose it soon if he doesn't shut the hell up ...

"Jeff i just dont want you hurting again" lowering his voice

"I wont"

"How do you know, Chris hurt you before, how has he changed now?"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! It wasn't Chris with the drugs, it wasn't Chris with the blade to my arms, it wasn't Chris with the alcohol, It's my doing ... not his no matter how much you wanna blame him you can't"

"He added to it!"

"He fucking held me when i was depressed everyday, he told me things were going to be okay, he was there, he has always been here for me! Just because you dont want me to be with him stop coming up with reasons why i should stop been friends with him"

"Jeff, please understand me, try looking at it from my view, you are still my kid nephew , It was hard enough to watch you go down so far you wanted to die, i don't want to even take the slight chance of that happening again."

What can i say to that lets be honest ... i know it has to hurt, but it wont happen again, i want to hug him and tell him it wont, but i also want to rip his face off for thinking Chris had anything to do with it.

"Try looking at it from my view, I saw my bestfriend/boyfriend going so far in life, and knowing that you will never be good enough for him eating at your mind every damn day of your life, to the point of where you tryed to cut him out, he wouldn't let that happen so you HAD to cut yourself out of your own life so he could move on. You Can't eat, sleep, breathe, move, think without wanting to run away into a small dark room, to be alone, to hurt yourself in anyway possible way, just 'cos you know you will never be good enough for the one person who loves you for you. I lived my life day to day worrying that he would see the real me, the real me that he would hate, walk over and leave! ... So i left."

My eyes are watering, i don't want to cry, thats one of the things i hate when i talk about this, an instant reaction is to cry, so thats why i don't talk about it. Why the fuck did i tell him all of that! ... i just want to leave ... my chest is getting tighter and my mind is clouding over. God i need to get outside.

I have to, i walk out onto the balcony and hang my head, what the hell am i going to do, please someone tell me. I feel Marks arms come round and turn me around, he tilts my head up and hugs me. We stand here for for a good 5 minutes just hugging. We then let go, widening the distance between us.

"I love you, i want you safe, but mostly i want you happy." Jesus, this is tearing him up inside, like i have never seen him like this.

"I know Mark, i am happy now, i'm even more happy with Chris here, because he's finally here holding me again laughing with me, and just been here."

"Is this what you need?"

"Yeah, i need you, i need Matt, i need the guys, and i also need Chris, You all help me, you keep me happy and safe, but i will always need Chris, i know you dont want that but it has to happen"

"It's not that i don't like it, i just don't want you getting into deep again"

"We are just friends, i'm not getting into deep 'cos 'aint nothin' happening"

"He said and i qoute "I'll see you later on today Jeffy babe, K" what the hell does that mean Jeff?"

"It's the name he use to call me"

"And you guys in the same bed holding each other?"

"We always did that even when we wern't seeing each other, we just use to lay there and talk."

"Right jeff, look it seems as you know whats going on, all i want is for you to be safe, you know that am not trying to ruin everything for you? All i want is you to be happy and safe"

"I know that Mark, I love you, and i do understand of you been weary of this 'cos you didn't want me to wrestle again incase that hurt me more"

Seriously he's always been like that with me i know he wants me safe, but bubble wraping me isn't the way to go.

"Good kiddo, please just be safe and talk to me when you need to, even if you dont want to talk to me, talk to someone else, just keep talking"

"I will Mark ... You know hes helping me already?"

"I know, i just don't like the power he has over you"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" WHAT THE FUCK? He was okay like what five minutes ago, what is it with him?

"Its suppose to mean nothin', just the fact that he can control alot of your decisions, is scary"

"He controls nothin' of me, He talks everything through with me, and we work on things, he pushes me towards the edge but never lets me falls, it works and i feel better for it, he will always keep me safe, what ever it is"

"Look dont expect me to love this thing straight away..."

"I dont give a shit if you love it or like it or even hate it, i want this and i fucking need it ... I NEED HIM!"

"I know you do! just please dont do anything you are goin' to regret!"

"Mark i wont, and even if i do make a mistake, let me make it, it's the only way i'm going to learn"

"Right, just please please please dont do anything you are goin' to regret" My answer still isn't going to change but i will agree just to get him off my back.

"I wont, if i do anything, i can't regret it 'cos i look at it as at one point i wanted it so i can't regret it"

WOW holy god he's smiling ... what the hell, i think he has snapped ... finally i ahve made him go insane...

"Thats what makes you, you kid" he said to me smiling

I move forward and hug him. I'm not one to openly hug someone but with my Uncle Mark its diffrent. I actually smile too.

"Lets get going down stairs okay, or we are both goin' to miss breakfast"

" 'kay just let me grab my phone"

"Keep that turned on by the way, i tryed to ring you like seven times"

"Sorry you know what am like"

"Yeah i do"

"Wouldn't have it any other way either kid"

I smile and we run down the hall and down the stairs, we enter the restraunt of the hotel and sure enough the guys are eating enough to feed the five thousand. I walk over to grab a seat with the rest of them, then go up to get some coffee, i 'aint never been a big breakfast person, well not since a few years ago. I see Chris getting some toast, he eats like a horse, yet still looks amazing, i wish i could do that. As i add sugar into my coffee he walks over to me.

"So you like coffee with your sugar?"

"Haha Mr.Funny i just happen to like things sweet" God i'm talking and not getting nervous round him

"Ooo good to know" he smirked an evil seductive smile ... God that smile, gets me every time, i just want him even more.

I smile back with a knowing smile

"So what did your Uncle say?" he asked getting into a serious conversation

"Not much just asking what was going on, asking if i was safe, that jazz."

"Right cool, i have still yet to talk to him, but don't worry i 'aint scared" he said mockin' my accent

"OH play the accent card would ya now, You should be scared"

"Hows that young Jeffy?"

"He's realated to me" i give him a smile back

"Yes i have felt the wrath of Jeffrey Nero himself, it is not good"

"As long as you know, not to mess with me" i replyed joking

Then a silence came, he stared at me and kept staring into my eyes with those blue ones.

"I would never mess with you Jeffy, ever, you know that"

Wow he was serious, he is serious about it.

"Yeah i know, and i love you for it"

"Good to know, come one lets get back to the table"

As we walked back me and Chris gave a few glancess to each other, then as conersation was high at the table, the glare of Mark and Chris was getting more and more ... Lets wait and see how this turns out shall we?

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I know there was alot of speech in this ... but i love the interaction ... it is very angry but i love angry jeff lol it will have more happy bits too. Thanks to Tacoto the 12 for reviewing again ... please keep R+R and i will keep writing X much luv X another update will be added soon :) 


	4. Chapter 4

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No reviews :( lol please review if you read it just because i want to know your views on it ... its not all about what i want, i want you guys to give me ideas or anything , just any view will help please X much luv X

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Disclamier: I own nothing! WWE owns all characters, no disrespect is ment for anyone, Slash is just fiction in this the characters real lives have nothing to do with this fiction ... thank-you

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Jeff's POV!

Well this sucks!

I want to scream, the tension in this room is killing me. The locker room is always full of conversation, but not now. There is Me, Mark, Chris, Matt, Adam and a few of the other guys. Yet still its dead. Mark wants to kill me for being friends with Chris, Mark wants to kill Chris just because .. well i dont know why fully but he does, Matt wants to kill me for screaming at him, but in my defence he was bugging the shit out of me about Chris. So all in all, I'm hated.

I just wish they would see my point of view for once, I have been forever told what to do, even now, they are saying what i should and shouldn't do. They wont leave me and Chris alone for one minute it's anyoing the hell out of us!

We just want to talk, have fun, get something to eat without been watched over all the freakin' time.

Its Adams promo spot soon so, the rest of the guys will go to catering to watch it, mabey i can breath for a moment then.

After my talking to myself, Mark comes towards me

"Okay kid come on, we are all going down to catering to watch Adam."

"No thanks Mark, i'm not feeling to good thanks, can i just stay here?" In other words Uncle Mark, i want you guys to leave me the fuck alone.

"Whats wrong kiddo?"

"Just my head, and my stomach is feeling weird, could of been something i ate" While saying the rest of my sentance, elders who care always feel the need to check your temperature, even at my age.

"Something you ate, how about something you didn't eat, you bearly eat anything thats what your problem is"

"Nah Mark i don't know what it is, but am going to rest here for a while and if i feel better then i will come down to watch the rest of the show"

"Okay kid, ring me if you need anything" ... and he left

WOW... the hole room is empty ... no Mark no Matt no anoying friends ... holy crap i have silence, It's great to lie down ... i have chill out time ... just time to relax and think an...

"Y2J BABY IS KING OF THE WORLD!" ... Yeah about time to chill out and think ... that idea is out of the window

I sigh, hang my head low, shake it and mumble "And why is that Mr.Irvine?"

"Did you not see my segement, and the match , God it feels good to be back into the swing of things again!"

"Wooooooo go Chris! ... Chris Chris he's our man if he can't do it no one can GOOO CHRIS!" ... Wow i really hope my sarcasm ooozes off of my chant.

"Oh this is how we are going to play it?, I would ask what the hell is stuck up your ass, but lets be honest you would be in a better mood than you are now, if you know what i mean." God damned stupis smile again! God i hate it when nothing gets to him obviously i want alone time yet ... the "king of the world" which was so modestly proclaimed just seconds ago wont leave me the hell alone.

"Chris, what do you want?"

"You me and a drive somewhere"

"Yeah like we would be aloud, it's like we are been watched by big brother"

"So" Wow good responce Chris, lets work on full sentances now.

"So? ... SO? is that all you have to say, i have not had a moment to myself for about a week now" I have to turn round on to my stomach and look up just to see if his dumb shows on his perfect face or if its one of his many hidden talents.

"So as in SO ... when the fuck has been "not aloud" every stopped you from doing something you want to do?" He standing there one hand on his hip, and the other playing with his gorgeous hair. What the hell am i doing? seriously what the fuck am i doing? Here he is my perfect guy, my bestfriend, the hottest guy who ever lived, asking me to go out on a drive with him, and i'm practically shoving it back in his face.

"Good point but how the hell are we going to get back in time for the show to end without the others not noticing?"

"We don't"

"What?"

"You heard me"

"Yeah but i just don't understand Chris"

"Come on Jeffy, we use to do this all the time, run out get caught take the heat and do it all again 'cos it rocked that much, We have been watched over constantly for the past week, we finally have a break for it, and your practically saying Why?"

"I can't"

"Can't or you won't?"

"You know i want to Chris" I can't believe he just went there, questioning me on if i want to spend time with him

"Then whats stopping you?"

"I'm still scared"

"About what Jeffy?"

"What if i panic?" It's an all time fear what if i panic then faint and then no one is there to help, it could always happen.

"Jeffy babe, we are going on a drive, we could stop off get some food and chill somewhere. It doesn't mean i want you to go out to a club, i just wanna' spend sometime with you, just you and me, no others, it's just one of the only chances we get, so lets do it"

"Okay, just don't let me faint"

"Am here for you, every step of the way babe." God he's so sweet

He bends down to my level on the couch and kisses the top of my head, and holds me for a minute or two, then he picks up all of his belongings, stuff from the shower which he used and his script and bags.

"Lets go" He then takes my hand and we head for the exit. This is going to be good

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It's only short, but am working on the next bit to this part of the story :) lol ... please please please R+R it will help me along with it if you can tell em whats good and bad :) X much luv X 


	5. Chapter 5

Right first off THANK YOU :) the reviews have been great, have helpped me alot ... please keep them coming, i need more motovation :P .. X much luv X

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Secondly, I have always loved Jeff as a kid type of persona, so just imagin him youger, that way i can have the guildance of people, and the patronisations lol.

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Thirdly, i'm sooooooo sorry it has taken me this long to update but with it been xmas and all its been maddness ... i think just to be a good author i will update once a week if i have a buzz of life lol i will add more :) X much luv X

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This does have some graphic sexual parts in so if you don't like ... don't read lol x

Okay, am good at the moment, the wind is in my face thanks to , us going about 95 down the highway and the window been open. But on to a better note WOW, i'm smiling! Seriously, Me and Chris has tore it up, shreading around the roads, we are just looking for a place to eat now. It's been awsome no panics at all, just chilling with him.

We are stopping off at this nasty ass diner ... i think i will just stick with a coke 'cos i am NOT and repeat not going to eat here. Unlike Chris who is ordering, God he eats like a horse yet he looks amazing, no weight, no fat, just perfection. However me ... i eat a salad and look like the horse, thats why im sticking to the drink, i was never hungry when i was on the drugs, there was no fat, no weight, just perfection, they made me perfect. Every fucker says "They made you look awful, and ill, and ..." BLAH BLAH BLAH it gets tedious after the 700th time you hear it. But i know the truth, they made me perfect, happy, and Jeff.

"DUDE!" wow spacing out really does make you leave the planet.

"Sorry what did you say Chris?"

"I said are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

"Yeah am cool thanks, just a drink will do"

"So Jeffy where are we headed after this romantic meal" Chris laughed, Ironically enough this is classed as a Chris Irvine special and i wouldn't have it any other way.

"Anywhere you want, am cool with going for a drive, or just finding a place to chill will be cool" I smile, i don't know why but i do.

"Awsome, i think just talking over dinner then a place to chill will do"

I smile, while we are wating for some nasty ass food to arrive, i just start some conversation ... Nothing else better to do i guess, and if i sit here not talking i get the are you okay and the do you want to talk questions thrown my way, and i don't want to ruin my happy mood.

"So what did you do all the time you were away?" I do want to know but honestly it's more like HAVE YOU HAD ANYONE ELSE???

"Lots and lots" he smiles and a laughs … that makes me only do the same.

"Like what you jackass?"

"Oh you want to know now?"

"Oh answer a question with a question? How original" I love these games

"I thought you wanted alone time, no talking, and no disturbance?"

"I want to know you asshole!"

"Right, right chill out" He pauses then there he goes again with that smirk again.

… Oh don't be fooled, I have a face too, my face at the time been is 'Fuck-With-Me-One-More-Time-I-Kill-You-And-Feed-You-To-The-Angry-Hobo-Outside' kind of look.

"…." The idiot clicks on

"Hey don't look at me like that, it's all a game you know that"

"And I'm playing it … or playing you however you wanna' look at it" My time to smirk bitch

"Wow Jeff has got some skills since I have been away, am proud" Then he looks at me truthfully saying he is proud of me, he does that turns a joke to something meaningful ... i love that about him.

"Thanks" I just smile back "So what did you get up to?"

"No wrestling, just music, writing music, writing my book, spending time with the family that sort of stuff."

"Awesome, I'm glad your back though, it's cool travelling with the guys but I miss my partner in crime, no other idiot is willing to do this"

"Do what?"

"This, sit in a diner just to talk and spend time with me, then all in the end is going to get his ass bit off by my uncle … many people just stay clear of me, mostly scared it think." I laugh, it's funny when you think of it.

"Nah Jeffy they aren't scared they just don't know how to approach you."

"True, I wish I was more like you…" I do, I don't know why I told him that but honestly if I could be just like him I would.

"I don't, I would like to be more like you if anything, plus I don't want you like me because you wouldn't be Jeffy"

"Why? That's so retarded, like why anyone would just want to be even like me not more like me, I suck, I'm the worst person to know let alone base them selves round."

What the hell Chris I have heard you talk some bull shit in your life but never this much. And I do realise I am going off on one because I am so serious about this, how dare he say he wants to be like anyone else he is perfect.

I finally breathe and look at him he stares back and says nothing

….. Still nothing …. Subject change would be good then…

"So, erm … How much music did you get written?"

"So erm yeah … I know when you are subject changing, plus are you done?"

"Done? done what?"

"Done on you rant of self hate and self loathing?"

"There was no rant of self hate and self loathing!"

"Like fuck Jeffy, you just went on a huge rant to why no fucker should be near you let alone be like you, what gives? Why do you hate yourself all of a sudden?"

"It's not all of a sudden and I don't hate myself, I just know the truth"

"Bullshit Jeffy, seriously did someone say something to you 'cos i will kick their ass if they did, you know..."

"Chris! I know that, and i thank you for that, but no one has said anything to me. It's fine, everything is fine i swear i just went ape shit there 'cos i don't like thinking you would ever change. I have seen so many people change i don't want you been one of them." He can tell if im lying i know that so i am telling the truth i would hate if he changed, am just not telling him the whole truth, such as me hating myself.

"Babe, i'm not going to change, if i was going to change i would of done it in them 2 years i was away, but i am still the same me, same Chris Irvine." He takes hold of my hand, and kisses it. Chris not the time nor the place to be sweet we are in some rank ass diner and im about to panic an...

"Jeffy hun don't panic, i can tell that your going to, but there is no need to am here for you, your with me, your safe" ... Smart ass

All i can do is nod silently, the food and drinks come over so that breaks the silence and i chill out alot more. After we are done with eating and or drinking, we head out for a place to go. We find this really cool place, just a feild, and it has a lake its cool, no one is around for a good few miles. Just me and Chris.

"Get out the car"

"Yes master right away master, anything else master?" I love my sarcasm, one of my best features i think

"Yeah how about you bend over the hood and make me happy" Oh if only you know i would.

"Ooooo Chris, the witty comeback, well it would be a witty comeback if i didnt do that for you a few years back." ... OH Jeff one ... Chris ... Fuck all ... HA

"Wanna refresh my memory?" He said with one eyebrow up

"What? mind going in your old age?" ...Ooooo this is going to get good

"FUCK YOU!"

"Awwwww the comebacks are getting worse, do you need some help coming up with some?"

Chris no matter how old he gets, he has a talent of been some where one minute then somewhere else the next, so with that talent one minute i have his life, the next i am pinned down on the hood of the car, arms above my head, my body been pinned down by his legs stralled down my waist.

"Do you need some help getting up?"

"Do you? i heard it gets harder to get it up when your age catches up." Still i win HA

"Little Jeffy, i have never heard you complain before! All i heard was moans and groans ... Plus the screams!" He is wispering this really hashly in my ear, he knows whats going on, and he's loving it ... bastard.

"Yeah, i'm vocal, like i am with every other guy with his cock up my ass"

"Oh but i know you, I know that i'm the best you have ever had, You love it"

"Love what?, I can get what ever i got outta you, outta any other guy"

"Wanna bet! Like any guy can get you on the hood of the car and whisper in your ear, then ..."

"Then what?"

"Then this...!"

Suddenly my head is smacked to the side off the hood of the car and his lips are on my neck. HOLY FUCK! ... He starts to kiss up my colar bone and to my neck then ear, grazing his teeth over my flesh. He licks over where he has just had his full lips. I know whats coming next, and if he does, i think i may cum.

He keeps kissing my neck holding my body in place, so i'm over powered, normally i would be scared but its Chris so i'm good.

He next bite down hard on my neck ... FUCK THATS IT! ... I love getting bit, and Chris the godly one himself knows where when and how. I'm panting slightly, and he bites down harder, a moan slides out of my mouth. Right he is going to have to stop soon. He sucks hard on my neck making me moan more, It's going to leave one hell of a mark but at the moment, with my dream guy on top of me, i don't give a fuck. He continues to bite down and suck harder on my neck till the pain and pleasure of it all is to much.

"Chris ... Chris, What the fuck are you doing?"

"Proving a point" he says while looking at me, as he has un attached himself from my neck.

"What point?"

"That i'm the best you have ever had and i know every part of your body, turn on's, turn off's ... everything and that i'm not an old man"

"Okay, okay i give, you are ... But question oh great one ... Am i the best you have ever had?" ... Now you see my heart beat would be racing thanks to the neck thing, but its not ... am just scared because of this answer.

"Do you really need to ask that?"

"It's just that yeah you are really good, and i'm just ya know, like, ya know, just, kinda" Fuck what the hell can i say, i don't know ... It's like he's amazing i'm just me, i'm not that good, i need to go .. like now ... i need him from on top of me.

I push him off of me with all the force i can, and begin to run away from him and the car ... i have no idea where i am going the only thing i can think of is getting away from him. I love him but he's too good for me.

Chris starts to run for me grabs hold of my arm spins me round and looks me in the eyes.

"What the fuck jeffy!?"

"Just leave me alone Chris, just go and find someone better."

"JEFF WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THROUGH YOUR HEAD!"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! LET ALONE FUCKING WANT TO KNOW!"

He grabs me again and hugs me ... i'm ready to break ... again

"I'm not letting go Jeffy, I love you way to much to let you fall, there is no one better in this world bar you. I know you don't belive that, but you are, you are not perfect no one is, but you are my perfect i love you, always have always will, just don't let go, and never run away from me ... please"

"Chris, am scared."

"Of what kiddo?"

"Everything ... i walk out the door sometime and a panic for no reason, i'm scared of food am scared of talking sometimes 'cos questions go through my mind, Chris am so fucked up"

"Am not letting you fall kid, never will, come on lets go back to the car and talk this over fully"

As we walk over im still very shaky but what do you expect, i have just had a melt down, only a little one.

"So do you know yet?"

"Know what?" He asks questions when i have just nearly blew up thanks to stress

"If your the best i have ever had?"

"CHRIS!!!! for fucks sake, i have just paniced like fuck and you say that"

"Yup" He smiles that smile and i know everything is going to be okay

"You are such and ass" I laugh ... i can't stop all i can do is laugh and smile because, the worry is gone.

"Right since the panic is gone! ... Do you want to go swimming?"

"Yeah right Chris like that would happen"

"Come on! you know you want too"

"Yeah but come on i'll have to take off my shirt and stuff"

"AND ... you did it in front of all of them people on Raw ... you look amazing doing so, come on plus its just me. I have seen more places of you than you have seen." Fuck he does have me there.

"Okay okay ... you got me, you win"

"Don't i always"

As we dress down, when he is just in his jeans i push him into the lake. Bitch, will teach him that he doesn't win all the time.

"OH MY GOD it's fucking cold"

"Ha will teach you that you can't always win!" I'm just down to my jeans now and dive in

Holy hell its cold!!!!!!!!!

"Ha see it's even now bitch!" Ooooo payback will be coming his way soon

I dive ontop of him and we fight for a good 20 mins ... We are both on a high after that tiff, It's weird my moods are all over ... but we can deal with that later. As things die down we are in the water and he's holding my sides keeping me up, He's taller and stronger so he does the work.

"Thanks for tonight, and well by the looks of things this morning" We look up and see the light sky breaking into the morning ... all that is going through my mind at the moment is ...IM FUCKED ... Uncle Mark is going to kill me! but ill deal with that later right now it's me and Chris.

"No thank you, this has been one fun and intresting night"

"How intresting?"

"Because i now know what my moves are next with things and helping you ... plus i got turned on somthing rotton" He smirks

"Okay i agree with that, you do know alot more and i also got turned on alot" i laugh back to him, Come on it's me and Chris, we tell each other thing like this.

"Realllly i would never of guessed by your moans and groans" He started tickling my sides

"NO STOP! STOP CHRIS I GIVE STOP STOP!!!!"

"Jerk off"

"YUP!" He smiles i smug smile

"Fuck you!"

"Thats what got us here in the 1st place Jeffy, lets not go over it again"

I smile, 'cos thats what he does to me, he makes me smile like no one else. He moves closer pushing the hair out of my face. I look at him in the eyes and move that little bit closer. I see a light in the corner of my eye ... it's Chris' phone ringing, it's on silent so it only flashes. Fuck i hate technology, i was just about to have a moment and then a phone rings.

Chris runs to answer it but fails

"Who was it Chris?"

"Fuck! we are in shit Jeffy, 30 missed calls and a few texts all of the guys more so Mark."

"OH SHIT!" I laugh, come on what can i do, it's not like i will get let of any easier for been in 10 minutes more since its 6 in the morning.

After the scare we get out of the water dry for a bit and get in the car to go back to the hotel, Chris parks the car and comes to open my door before i have the chance to.

"Good sir" He says in some weird old english accent

"Thank you" I smile at him

He closes the door when i get out, then he grabs me and pins me to the side of the car ... this seems to be getting repetative

"Have a good night?"

"Do you really need to ask that?" ... I stole that line

"Right, you had a good night then ... and regrets?, like you are so going to get your ass kicked."

"I know, and no, No regrets. None."

"Good, and thanks again"

"No problem, my pleasure" Giving him a knowing smile, he knows what i'm getting at. The fun that we had on the hood of his car. I don't even need to say it to him. He knows me that well.

"Well in that case mine too" He moves in quickly and kisses me softly on the lips, It lingers that little bit to long to be named as a friendly kiss, but we are passed that. We break apart and look at each other, We move in just to kiss again, when i hear Matt yell "Jeff" from the hotel doors.

"Fuck, Oh well the night and morning was good, ready for hell Jeffy Babes?"

"Bring it the fuck on" Wow i actually mean it to

"That's the Jeffy i know and love, lets go get our asses kicked"

We walk up to the main doors and Matt is standing there.

"Mark is after your ass kidd"

"I know, i'm fucked Matt, but i needed to do this"

"I think i understand, just i'll be there so i can help keep him cool lil bro"

"Kay thanks dude."

"And you, Chris, you are either brave, stupid, dumb, got a death wish or just all of the above."

"Yeah pretty much, and a few other things on top of that." he laughs

"And what are those things Mr. Irvine?" I ask

"You'll find out soon enough"

"Good to know" I smile

"Right, come on lets go to hell"

"Okay i have to go see Ashley for five minutes stay here and ill be back okay"

"Right!"

"So you ready to face hell yet?"

"Hells yeah am i! Wanna know why?"

"Why, Oh dear Chris?"

"Cos its for you"

I smile at him and move into hug him we stand there for a good few minutes until Matt comes out and then we walk down the hall wating to see Uncle Mark.

I know it may not of been the most smartest thing to do in the world, like go out all night and not ring anyone but the ass wooping i will get will be well worth it because i just got to hold the love of my life again and i wouldnt change it for the world.

And from mine and Chris little talk back when we were out.

Im ready to take on the world, But i just need him holding my hand to the edge of it too.

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Wow well this is a long chapter but the reason for the whole Jeff switching from YEY to NEY lol all the time is just part of his persona hich i want shown like happy then sad, manic depression, it's bad stuff i have it lol ... but yeah just thought i could right about it ... all the stuff that goes through your head :)

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Thank you for reading sorry for the long wait but it will get better lol please R+R and i will keep writing :) x much luv x I aev god plans for this one lol ... I have more ideas for other stories, so there will be more on the way :) just lets get the holidays out the way shall we lol X much luv X 


	6. Chapter 6

OMG ... i am so sorry for the no updates life has been manic at the moment ... its all college, friends, family, party and normal teen drama ... to the point of me neglecting my writing, which is horrible ... but i would like to say thank you for the reviews and hopefully i will get more if i update on a regular basis ... i have no one to blame but me lol ... but non the less on with the story :D

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"Matt to be truthful here i think that you should go in first." Well if anything it's worth a shot, and even if i fail ... it's a great tactic called stalling 

"Oh and why is that baby brother? 'Cos you know you are going to get your ass chewed off? 'Cos you know you are not going to be aloud out of sight for a long long long long long long long time? 'Cos..."

"Yeah Matt we get it! I'm going to get my ass kicked ... plus another reason you should do this is 'cos u actaully want a baby brother after all of this!" Ha play the baby brother card! I win not by default by guilt Ha

"Yeah who said that? mabey i want the bigger room back at home?" Ooooo thats harsh Matt well played but not good enough.

"Yeah well i get that for good reasons ... but either way ...GO KNOCK ON THE DOOR!!" Yelling gets me most places in life

"HOW BOUT..."

"HOW BOUT Y'ALL GET YOUR BACKSIDE'S IN HERE NOW" Ooooooo lets enter Uncle Mark stage right ... stage right also the gates of hell aparently.

We all walk in ... see i walk behind 'cos im going to get it the worst.

"Right ... where to start ... Jeff?"

"Yeah?" Most sweet "yeah" possible play the sweet and innocent card ...i'm running out of cards to play

"So where ya' been?"

"Erm... out" What the hell do you think i can say!? "Yeah just been out with my friend who you hate as you think he can ruin me, god forbid i kissed him tonight too." YEAH RIGHT like that would go down nicley

"Out? Out? ... You are 7 hours late, Not just 7 hours late, you told no one where you were going, you just went, then you didn't answer your phone, and you come in and all you can say is out?"

"Well you already know where i've been so why the hell are you going through all this? ... Just to prove a point Uncle Mark?" Right okay i do relise i have just said that in a horrible spitful tone ... but he had it coming ... i'm sick ... im in my 20's now and i still have to be in at a sertain time and tell people what am doing ...Plus on top of that ... im getting my ass chewed by my Uncle ... Can everyone say "what the fuck!!!!"

"You wanna' take that tone out of your voice boy before i make you take it out?"

"Wow answer a question with a question good one Mark" Ooooo bad bad bad move Jeff! I'm pushing it.

"Number one ... talk like that to me again, i kill you ... number two, talk like that to me again, i kill you"

"..." Okay ... yeah iv'e been pushing it, i know when to quit. Am not that dumb

"So, What do you have to say?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you have to say for yourself? Making everyone worry..."

"Did i ask you to worry?"

"Oh no, 'cos of everything that has happened in the past, god forbid how silly am i for worrying!" Wow Marky just got all sarcastic

"DON'T BRING THAT UP!"

"Kidd chill out" Matt ...always the one for keeping the peace

"Like hell will i, just say anything but don't bring up shit that 'aint relavent"

"Kidd it's relevent of corse it is, it's about your safty, we worry it's natural."

"Yeah Matt i see that, but how the hell did the past get pulled into things? ... Fuck it ... no am out, you know i hate the topic ... so why bring it up?"

Fuck this shit, am sorry but like hell am i staying in this room when am been told 'bout shit i already know ... and want to forget but no, the fuckers wont let me.

My hand is on the door ready to leave.

"Jeffy babe, don't leave ... just talk about it, you knew you were going to get your ass kicked for just going off, so just talk about it."

"NO!"

"Jeff am not asking you to talk all shrink style about the past, all am saying is just don't walk away, just means your ass will get kicked even more ... Right?"

"I thought you would understand most of all for fucks sake"

"I DO JEFF! ... But we arn't asking you to talk about the past we are just saying talk 'bout the stuff that has been happening lately, stop freaking ... and just come back ... plese?"

"Just don't bring up anything ... okay ... promise?"

"Yeah kidd promise" Mark looks truthful ... it's not that i don't want to get my ass kicked, it's not the fact that i'm in my 20's and i get told what to do, its's just the past is in the past nothing needs to be said anymore ... i freak out about it ... i just don't like it ...so we can leave it.

I slowly walk back to hug into Chris and then wait for more talking.

However nothing was said.

I look round and see Mark in his thoughtful stage, and to be honest ... it's a scary time, you want to run and hide but you also want to know what he is thinking.

Me, Matt and Chris are sat looking at each other while Mark carries on thinking, then out of no where the silence is broken.

"Okay, right Matt you can stay here with Jeff, while i go talk to Chris"

"WHAT THE HELL!" Ehh no that aint happening

"Jeffy babe it will be fine, promise, we will just talk and level while you's chill in here."

All i do is nod i can't say anything to that.

They go off to talk and i'm stuck here in the room with Matt. Honestly it's not that bad i love Matt so it's cool he has always been here for me.

I'm just scared 'cos i don't want any more of the past said ... 'cos i have kinda done something bad, like not tell a lie but not tell the full truth either. Chris he knows eerything about me ... what i want him to know ... he understands the face of it but not under it all, he knows jack-shit. I know i'm not good enough for him anyways so when he finds out my past ... why would he want me now? ...

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Right, Okay i'll admit this chapter sucks ass, i'm having serious probz writing at the moment like not been able to get it wrote out, but i'll still try thank you for revewing even tho the updates have been little. I am going to try to get some more motervation and what not :P ... X much luv X 


	7. Chapter 7

Right well i have been off writing another fic which was just a oneshot called Crashed PLEASE REVIEW lol ... erm and now with little song fics which i love at the moment i am trying to bring this fic along the way because you guys have been so good to me and i haven't been keeping up with my end of the deal lol ... so i am going to keep writing ... a bit of writers block right now ... but hopefully it shall clear up as this gets rolling lol ... ON WITH THE FIC !

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Okay this is going to be a serious chapter with some pretty nasty topics in, so if you are offended easy or don't like things like adult topics then this is not for you ... if so read on :) Thanks X

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The morning sun was shininy down on the hotel, the cool air from the Ac in the building was cut short from the beating heat of the early morning light. The chairs from the bar and restaurant came out on to the large decking, which over viewed the amazing green views. The pool area to the side was empty for the time of day unlike the eating area which was becoming packed with guests. Mark and Chris both walked over to the pool area and took a seat on the lounge chairs. Getting as comfortable as possible, the silence which was ment to be uncomfortable in these situations was not so bad. Mark leaned up and turned to face Chris, he needed to think, where the hell would he start in a conversation like this.

"Right, Chris you and me haven't really talked much apart from the wrestling match preps and the random talks in a big groups, so this is going to suck as long as you know that." Mark stated with a slight add of humor in his voice, relaxing Chris, just letting him know it's a friendly talk, not an argument.

"Yeah i know, i just have no idea what it's going to be about."

"Ahhhh yeah, Well truthfully it's going to be mostly about Jeff. His past and everything you don't know about him."

"I still know alot about him."

"Yeah you do, well what he wants you to know."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"That means no matter how long you have known Jeff for or how deep into a relationship you got with him, he will never tell you the full truth. He's just a kid who is to scared to tell someone everything 'cos he is scared they are going to hate him, more than he thinks they already do ... you got me?"

"Yeah i think so."

"Good ... Well first a question which entales a truthful answer or i will come after you ..."

"Okaaaay... What?"

"What the hell do you want from him?"

"Mark for fucks sake don't go over this again"

"Hey, don't go all defensive over it, i just really want to know what the hell that you are expecting from him."

"I'm expecting nothing honestly, you can't expect anything from Jeff because he expects nothing from you."

"Now i'm lost ... explain?"

"Look Mark i have been with Jeff before and ..."

"And lets be honest you guys were fuck buddys"

"Mark! We were not just fuck buddys, we didn't have the most conventional relationships in the world but he was way more than that to me. We talked, i know him and he knows me, we were young and having fun at the time. We both fucked up in the end, but now we have grew up a little and are now looking towards a happier time. Just it seems like you are trying to stop it, everything that we do you want to stop it even if he is having a good time...why?"

"He is not going back to the way he was before! The drugs, self abuse, the alcohol ... he is not going back to that, and i'm not letting him take the risk of getting hurt again, so he will go back to that."

"I'm not going to hurt him, i love him for fucks sake!"

"Chris, you love him yes but you don't know the full extent of Jeff."

"Then fucking tell me!!!!, I am not going to love him less just because of shit in the past!"

"THAT IS WHAT HE THINKS!"

"What?"

"Look am not telling you the things he will tell you in time, right now i want yes no answers to these questions ... Okay?"

"Yes"

"Okay ... Are you with Jeff for the long hall?"

"Yes"

"Will you stand by him even when he's at his worst?"

"Yes"

"Will you take all of my shit Matt's shit Shawn's shit and Hunter's shit?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay answer this as you will ... Why ? ... Why are you willing to do all of that?"

"Because ... beacuse ... 'Cos i love him." Chris looked down playing with his fingers ... it was the first time anyone had actually heard him say it sincerly other than Jeff.

Mark tillet up his head looked him in the eye and smiled ... "Thats the answer i was looking for kid"

Chris smiled back and then clicked on ... "Hey! i'm not kid"

"Yeah but i'm old so your a kid" The deadman laughed

As the laughter and fun mood calmed, both of the wrestlers understood that serious talk was ahead.

"Mark ... What really happened?"

"From the top?"

"From the top .."

"Well here we go ... When Matt and Jeff were kids they lived with their mom and dad in cameron ... When they were still young as you know there mom died and it was just their dad to look after everything, and Jeff didn't take the loss well, he thought he was been punished or something he would always say "What have i done wrong? I just want mom back" it was really tough. Then even at that age Matt and Jeff were becoming alot to handle Matt was fine Jeff on the other hand was a riot to handle. There dad was working alot had to hold jobs together the house and became alot more in fintrested riends than his kids. Their dad got sick and put them in a home for adoption and upped and left, so that ment they had lost both parents and this didn't help Jeff. By this age Matt was out most nights and Jeff was still been anti-social and refusing to talk to anyone new. In the end they got split Matt got to live with his friend and wanted Jeff to go and fought with everything he could, but Jeff got shipped off and went to an endless string of horrible homes. Some of them did things to him which when he came back he wasn't the same most were out of state but he ended back in North Carolina more than a few times. The kid got so much abuse and Matt did everything in his power to get him back trying to see him as much as posible and in the long run look after him. Jeff talked to no fucker, he got so scared to talk that he just didn't in the end, however one day he and Matt were talking and Jeff broke down telling him everything what happened in the carehomes or new houses he was put up in. So with that he got put into a new home closer to Cameron and nearer Matt and it was a good place to be. No abuse, no harm, no fear ... just a good home. But still jeff didnt see it like that, he was still scared of people and was at an age of high school so that was very difficult ... and ... erm ... he .. erm"

"Mark ... You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just am thinking of how much shit he has actually been through ... it's like yeah people see alot but when you think of it ... it's so much to go through ... more so when your a kid."

"I know Mark, thats why am here for him 100 percent of the way" Chris smiled

"Good, anyways ... Erm ... Yeah ... Jeff ended up in highschool with no one around him, he hated it, he refused to talk to people and went off on his own. Then suddenly this guy came along from no where, his name was Trent. Lets just say Trent didn't win the award for rolemodel of the year. On one side he got Jeff talking, to alot fo people. but on the other side, it was the wrong type of people. Jeff would come back to the home late, he would come in drunk or high, not do any work, he was a kid from hell. In the end they called it quits and said he wasn't aloud to see Trent any more ... Very bad move on their part, 'cos it just made him do it more, stay out later and piss them off even more."

"Jesus, what happened after that? ... How did you end up finding him?"

"Well that comes later ... Jeff at that time was losing it mostly, started to only talk to Trent and it became more than friends, which is what no one wanted. Trent was his life and then there was police buissness and Trent had to go. Jeff was broken ... thats all that can be said was he was broken."

"So when Trent left, Jeff left? ... well mentally anyways"

"Yeah exactly Chris. Jeff only trusted Trent and with him leaving so soon it was another person or another thing Jeff not to trust. Anyways ... Matt was still trying to find a way to get Jeff to him safe and just get him into a good life, when he found me. His dad kept his mom's side of the family away from them, So i was kept away from them and when she died i still thought they were with Gil, but he fucked off. So when i heard about all of this i got a plane to Cameron.

"That was it?"

"What was it?"

"Just, This randomer AKA Matt rang you on the phone and you just went to find some kids you had no idea about, apart from they were you sister's children?"

"Yeah, they are my blood, Matt sounded desperate and everything that was said about Jeff i needed to make sure, take that risk because even if it was wrong or what ever, if i found out later it was true i could never forgive myself. But in all honesty Chris i knew from the start what Matt was telling me was true, reason been once he said his dad had pissed off somewhere, it all made sence."

"So then what happened? you came down to Cameron and looked after Jeff and Matt? then what?"

"Well Matt was busy with college jeff was still in highschool, refusing to talk to anyone, i was hopping in and out of the house 'cos of been on the road all the time. It was crazy ... I got Jeff talking a little got him trusting we got him training with me and Matt, slowly we were building up his trust and confidance again."

"Then he got into wrestling?"

"Exactly, he loved it, it was an outlet... like i could talk to Jeff and no emotion would show ... non at all, but when he got in that ring, all his emotions would flow out. So he was on a comeback, he would talk a little more each week, interact more, smile a little more, less harm and eat more ... just little steps ... and to top off all of the good work ... he found the love of his life."

"Me?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"I was his down fall?"

"However the only thing that can bring him up again"

"What do you mean?"

"Jeff has always hated things, the only things i have seen him care for is his dog Dakota his art and writing book his music and some of the loved ones around him ... thats it. Most people love alot more than hate, but Jeff hated so much, and the thing he hated the most was himself. So when he found someone who he loved he never thought he was good enough"

"He never thought he was good enough?!"

"No thats why he drank and drugged himself into the floor."

"Wow ... But i told him everyday i loved him that he was perfect ... everything and meant it."

"I know that I know you ment it Chris too, but you can say it one billion times over and if he belives something he wont stop thinking it. We tell him trust us and we care and we love him everyday without fail 'cos it the truth, but depending on his days he wont belive us."

"Jesus it was so easy before it was all fun, like go out party and drink have sex and wake up and do it all again ... i didn't know he had it all this hard."

"It's never this bad, it depends on his days honestly with you here now, he's so much better he's talking alot more again and going places without me beside him."

"So now?"

"We go in and talk ... not to much just enough to get it throught to him, just not to much 'cos he may freak out."

"So this is it? It's all i need to know?"

"I may have missed things out, 'cos Jeff still has things hidden from me, but he will probablys tell you first in all honestly."

"I just want him happy"

"I know you do, we all do" Mark smiled

"I love him"

"I know you do Chris, and thats why i have told you all of this. I trust you, i was angry at first ... more jelous because you walked in here and then Jeff made all tis progress with some guy who i thought fucked him over. But know i see where the hell everyone stands now. Where you are, where i am, and mostly where Jeff is."

"Thanks Mark"

"No problem Chris" Mark stood up and hugged Chris

"Come on lets go back up, i could really use breakfast"

"All ways with the food Chris, You will get fat you know?"

"Ha like hell, i don't do fat, i shall be slim for life"

"Like hell! When you bcome old and fat, all am going to do is laugh, lets see if Jeff loves you then"

"Ooooo Mark burn"

While the witty banter continued up to the hotel room Jeff was pacing again looking like a kidd on a sugar rush. He heard the door open and flung himself in the direction of the people coming in.

"WHAT EVER HE TOLD YOU WAS A LIE!"

Chris just laughed, placed is hands on either side of his face and kissed him lightly.

"Shhhh Kidd, we will talk later, right now it's time for food and chillin' as the day is still young."

"But ... what about ... but"

"Shhhh, we can deal with it all later, right now come on lets go. Matt get ya ass out of bed and eat"

"Right okay fine lets go"

The foursome walked out the hotel room to be greeted by Adam and Shawn. Jeff and Adam walked ahead and started a small argument to where the small short passage of time from the rooms to the eating lounge, became a walking wrecking ball with Jeff and Adam attacking one another and Chris haveing to break it up.

"This 'aint over kidd" Adam yelled in a joking manner

"What ever old timer"

"Jesus Jeff what is old to you?" Chris wanted to know as he had been on the resiving end of that taunt sevral times.

"Like ... say late 20's"

"My god Jeff, you are going to dred hitting 30"

"Noooooooooo, me never going to hit 30"

"And why is that?!"

"Me to pretty." Jeff smiled stuck his tounge out and ran off.

Chris watched Adam and him interact apparently this is one of Jeff's good days. Hope there is more to come ...

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Wow reason one for it been so late is this was a bitch of a chapeter to write. I hate it to be honest. Plus i tryed to think how hard it would be to tell someone i wanted this chapter to be serious and what not and the mood and tone to be edgy, like i know what it's like to an extent, but it was so difficult to write it from some ones point of view when you haven't been there yourself so i tryed to put some real motion into it. But there will be more on the way, and i will try to get it done asap X much love X ... READ AND REVIEW PLEASE xXx 


	8. Chapter 8

WOW i suck lol ... i have just lost this story ... but i'm going to pick it up because it had awsome feedback and i hate it when people leave stories so am not going to be a hypocrite lmao.

Erm ... this chapter is just bringing the story along i think ... There isn't going to be the Jeff drug issue thing in this because i have caused enough problems for the poor kidd in my own mind let alone real life lol ... but either way condolances for Jeff and Beth's losses (Hugs and hearts)

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On with the story:

Chris POV:

I don't understand what is wrong lately.

Things have been pretty cool with us, We have been chillin' and just been on the road mostly spending time together and seeing where things are going.

It was a week ago today Jeff was in a great mood after Mark and me talked Jeff was worried but in the end we had an awsome day and he had been great ...

... Then things went wrong. About half way through the week he just hit a down time. His moods have been all over, he's even jumpy with me, which never happens.

He's been adament on sharing a room with Matt too. So that sucks on us, i love having him close just in my arms i am at so much ease knowing he is safe with me. Granted he is safe with Matt but there is something about having him there, breathing on me and snoring slightly looking peaceful and child-like which is odd for him ... He usually looks like stone refusing to let anyone in. But when he's asleep all the walls come down and you can see the real kidd.

When Mark told me all that stuff about Jeff, i have been really carefull on some subjects, not been so sexual with him, just trying to keep him happy and feel safe with me.

It's like walking on egg shells now. Sometimes his mood can be up then with one line he can be broke and run away locking himself away.

But i know that i'm not goin' to give up, i told Mark the god's honest truth of been here for him through anything and i'm goin' to stick to that.

Something is on his mind, the day he started acting weird was when we went to the mall, things were cool we just finished eating and then went to the music store. Since then he was quiet, no one said anything to him because i was there next to him most of the time plus no fans came up to him. I don't know what it was that has triggered all this but i need to talk to him soon. Every time i try to he's gone mid- sentance.

I just hope he isnt going back to his old ways.

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Sorry this sucks i know but it's the only way i can bring the story along ... i would love some reviews please but understand if you dont because its just bringing the story along for more anger drama and mabey some love lol X much luv X KEEP UP READING !


	9. Chapter 9

OMFG!! ... Right great news ... I now have nearly 30 more chapters waiting for this they are all planned out and i'm ready to go :D

Soooooooooooooo Happy lol ... But yeah thanks for been patient while i have gotten out of the evil pit of writers block ... but this story is back and i will be up dating the others soon X much luv X

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Jeff's POV

Okay ... yeah i know i have been acting weird, i see that ... Chris see's that ... everyone see's that. But i have a valid reason.

I can not think, can not eat, can not sleep without thinking of what happened when we went to the mall last week. Mark and Chris just talked then we went out it was awsome things were going cool apart from the fact Chris is been a freak like everyone else.

Since he found out the whole truth he hasn't been the same Chris. He is been way less smutty and alot less cocky which i love about him. He's just bland and i hate that. Thats why i hate people knowing more than anything. Not because they know more about me or anything, It's the fact that they treat me diffrent. They talk down to me, the patronise me. It's bullshit. I should expect it from a fan ... but not Chris ... Why Chris?, He's meant to be my best friend, the one who i love. In the past week the person who i would kill and die for has become the person i would just kill. I thought it wouldn't of bothered him that much, but he's just changed. So that hasn't helpped with my situation.

God, I can't get him out of my mind. He doesn't care either. He knows what he's done he smirked when he saw me, because he knows he can.

I saw him, I saw him in the music store. I was flicking through some posters seeing what i could get and he was there just staring. Not a "Hey how are ya?" or a "Hey long time no see" or a "HEY, I FUCKED OFF AND LEFT YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED!"

I can't fucking believe i saw him ... Trent ... Why the hell did i have to see Trent.

He stood there staring at me. His eyes burning into me like a lazer. His gaze wouldn't let go. He has dark eyes, and they look demonic, they just burned into my skin, i can still feel his glare.

Then, i looked back and he smirked waved and walked away. Not even a Hey. He just fucked off 'cos he could, 'cos he can.

Thats one thing that has always amazed me about him. He just doesn't give a fuck. See ... He was the first person i told about my past like the homes and what happened in them and he just said "Okay, that explains alot, am here for you when you need me" That was it ... that is all that was said and it made me smile. He treated me no diffrent than he did before. He still wanted sex from me. He never let go of his sexual personality. He stayed true to himself and to me by been the same person and not caring that people where horrible before, it doesn't mean i need to be bubble wrapped it means that i need to be shown a happy, good time.

That's when all the fun stuff started to happen. He took me to gig's and let me talk to the bands and all of his friends. Then we got even closer because of that.

It's just ... Why did he have to walk back into my life again. He fucked off when things got hard back then, so how is it diffrent now.

If Chris finds out that he saw me, i don't know what would happen, because not many people are a big fan of Trent and if Matt finds out God help us all. Matt hates him, the fact that he gave me the life i craved.

I craved the life of party, the late night, the people, the music, the atmosphere, the out of your body times. People think he was just trying to fuck me over, but it was more than that i wanted it and needed it, the party feeling 'cos i was happiest then, it felt like no one could hurt me, that i was safe and didn't need to think or tell people about my past. I was just the multi-coloured haired kidd who hung around Trent.

I just can't stop thinking about him. He gave me what i needed he fed my hunger and it's not going away, it never went away it just died down. I can't get him out my head ... scary thing is

... I don't think i want to get him out of my head.

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There we go now the ball is rolling again lol the last chapter was filler now we have it going back on track ... Please read and review ... even if you read it review lol ... me said please :P .. no but seriously i think i have found a good direction and there will be more to come X much luv X READ AND REVIEW!!


	10. Chapter 10

OMFG!! ... Right the ball is rolling! very much so!

Now we have the difficult part out of the way we can get to the good bits lol ... just keep on reading kids ..and THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! (Hugs) lol X much luv X

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Jeffs POV

Today is murder ...

Firstly i got woke up by the most evil alarm clock today Mark ... and he decided as we have a day off, we will make the most of it ... not sleeping ... Shopping!!

Secondly i can not get Him! out of my mind.

Thirdly i have been having to spend the whole day with Matt, Uncle Mark and Chris ... which is awsome don't get me wrong but when my head is in a state like this ... i really really don't take to kindly to been woken up and dragged around store to store.

At the moment we are just taking a break for lunch. All i'm having is coffee i can't even think off food let alone eat it. Mark and Chris are getting food and Matt's at the bathroom so this is my only alone time in the day i think, and i'm making the most of it.

He is still in my head. and worst of all ... I slept with Chris two nights ago. It was sper of the moment ... I think we should of waited a little more into the relationship, but it's one of these things that just happen you know?

It should of been perfect ... Granted i have slept with him before numorous times but it still should of been perfect. It should of been more than just sex.

_Two nights ago_

"Chris! Oh my god ... Chris!" He was giving me the most pleasure ever ... while hitting my spot harder and harder everytime i moaned he bit my neck more and more.

"You like that Jeffy?" He knows how to push my buttons.

"More! ... Harder!" I need to feel him more.

"Jeff .. No ... I'm going hard enough already i don't want to hurt you."

"No please harder!"

As the night went on i wanted more. I craved a rabid pace, a rabid motion just to make me feel. Chris would have hurt me years ago, giving into what i wanted and giving into what he wanted. But now he wants whats best for me, Through the night the sex was great, i screamed his name over and over again wanting more. But here was one problem ... he wasn't the same Chris ... Normaly it would of been more than sex, it would of been totally diffrent but because of my "emotional state" he always asked if i was okay, asked if i wanted to stop ... Normal Chris wouldn't of done that, he would of fucked me throught the bed. But now ... it's all diffrent.

_End_

So to add to my turmoil of Trent in my head 24/7 i now have Chris asking me if am okay ... 24/7.

Chris and Mark come over with the food and Matt has returned from the bathroom. They all have meals i have a coffee... Mark said i had to get something but i can't. They are all into their meals i have way to much to think about to eat.

"Jeff 'aint you going to eat anything?"

"Yeah Matt, just not to hungry"

"You 'aint been hungry for a while Kidd, you feeling okay?"

"Yeah am great, but you know how i get, just not hungry sometimes."

The three of them are eating their meals i'm flicking through the leaflets left on the table promoting diffrent stuff. Most are crap promoting diets and weddings and stuff.

Crap ... Crap .. Crap ... Music ... Cra...

Music! ... Looking at it, it's promoted by the local Hottopic! ... What the hell ... Wow awsome line up .. few cool bands on ... support bands ... GREAT ESCAPE! ...Oh my god! ... Thats Trent's band ... Hottopic stores hold more info.

I can see hottopic from where we are seated. I run to it, forgetting that i must look like an idiot to the other three and the people around, but i have to go.

I seach for the posters with more info and find the band picture, ... Wow ... he looks amazing ... Stay on topic Jeff!

"What's wrong?"

"What, Oh nothing Matt am cool, i just saw and awsome line up and wanted to find out more about it"

"Oh so you thought that you would jump ut your seat and scare the life out of us, just to look for tickets to a show"

"Gig Matt, it's called a gig or a tour"

"Shut up ... look are you going or not?"

"Yeah ... i need to go!"

"Why do you need to go?"

"... Just an awsome line up is all"

"Who's going?"

"Me"

"And?"

"I don't know, i'll just go if i have to"

"WHAT!?, Jeff like hell, your going with someone .. what if you panic, what if you need someone? Chris would go with you"

"I don't really care, i'm going though"

"What the hell is with you Jeff?"

"Nothing, i'm just saying i really want to go"

"Right. Okay, What-ever, am going back, come join us when you feel normal"

... What-ever Matt

I just need to write down all the infomation and then i can go it's tomorrow night and i have to go, to see him ... I know i shouldn't ... but i need to ... i don't care if i panic .. i just don't care ... i need it ... i crave it.

**TBC**

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Well that be that chapter done lol. i think the next one will be a bit better ... please read and review .. i love them lol! ... tell me what you think :) X much luv X By the way i have just wrote this chapter angry lol because my parents have just argued so i'm writing with alot of heat lol!! READ AND REVIEW LOL!!


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys ... Thank you very much for the reviews they mean soooo much to me :)

Right ... erm i think me rushed lol the last chapter because i wrote it with a lot of anger and it was late at night and what not ... but still no excuse ... so i am going to try to fit a lot of it into one chapter ... make it better ... but not over load you kids :P

So keep reading and reviewing so enjoy :) X much luv X

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Jeff's POV

AWSOME! ... Today is the day of the show ... I just can't wait for tonight!

Finally i was really on edge yesterday just to get to the show, serious am like a kid waiting for Christmas ... I feel bad ... it's weird it's like i don't know why I'm so adamant on seeing him. I have gotten through the past god knows how many years without him so why now? Why do i need to see him?

I've been losing it with everyone lately. The slightest things can set me off like Mark waking me up will send me into a rage or Matt asking to many questions Plus Chris, i love him i always will but it's like he's suffocating me at the moment ... From the moment he had the talk with Uncle Mark, he's changed ... I want my old Chris back, he use to sneak me out and go on random car rides for the fun of it ... Now we barely go anywhere incase something hurts me or incase i panic.

I just wish he was different ... I wish he didn't find out. Everyone who knows about what happened, the moment they find out they treat me different, they bubble wrap me, from everything and everyone. That's when i start to lose my temper. Chris keeps saying it's the stress of been back on the road and getting back on track, But it's not ... it's everyone who cares, who loves me and would do everything for me.

This is where Trent comes in ... When i told him about my past, he didn't give a fuck what happened, he still wanted me for a normal person, he used me when other people wouldn't, he cares deep down, oddly enough ... I know Chris does but it's different. If he was the same Chris then i wouldn't be flying off the handle so much.

We are in a meeting at the moment. It's like a dinner then a meeting with everyone, the superstars, the backstage crew and more. The tension is killing me. Everyone is eating; I'm picking and just staying quiet. Everyone is cool, but when it comes to me the tension rises and i just want to get to the show as fast as possible now.

"So you ready for the show tonight Jeff?"

"Oh yeah it's going to be awesome, like the line up is just ace and i can't wait."

"Should you really go?" ... Who the hell are you and what the fuck have you done with Chris.

"What?"

"It's going to be packed a lot of people there and it's going to be a lot of pushing you may panic, it will be hard to get out and back to the hotel and that's just a few points."

"Yeah am going. Why wouldn't i. I always use to go when you took me. I was okay then, wasn't i?"

"Yeah you were Jeff, am just saying the way it is now?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Serious he better not bring in what i think he will.

"Nothing, just i think it would be best if you missed this one." He has got to be kidding

"No, Why the fuck would i miss it. I love going to shows and gigs but why are you trying to stop me?" I already know the answer i have been through it like one million times.

"I'm not, I'm just thinking of what's best for you." Oh you wanna know?

"You know what would be best for me?"

"What Jeff?"

"For to get my old Chris back not this new fucker of a one, who grates on me so much i want to punch his face in, I WANT MY OLD CHRIS BACK, THE ONE WHO TREATS ME HUMAN!"

I run ... it's all i can do. I know it's becoming a habit running from him. But this time i want to be away from him. Adam is running up to catch me, i just run faster i get out the doors and head for any where alone.

I hit a path off the car park and run for the fields. I keep running, i can hear Adam in the background screaming for me to come back, he's trying to catch up ... So i just run faster, it's the fastest i have run in my life ... If i keep running nothing can hurt me, I've always thought that because if i just push that bit more that little further nothing will hurt me or get to me.

I have been running now, i have barely any option of where to go and my legs feel like they are going to come out from under me. I feel the joint in my knee pop and give way, there is no pain, just anger that i can't get away.

"KIDD! ... What the hell?! Are you okay?! What's going on?!"

"Leave Adz!" That was way too many questions to think about

"No what the hell is going on in your head, please tell me" Yeah right!

"Am not falling for that again." I did it with Chris and look where that got me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing okay, am fine Chris just pissed me off is all"

"He's only looking out for you, you know?"

"No there is looking out then there is control, but then there is just what he is doing ... treating me like a 4 year old because of my shitty past"

"Jeff, It's going to be hard for anyone to just understand and take in and adapt to you know." You are shitting me right Adam?

"Oh yeah because it's so difficult to actually hear about it ... For Gods sake i went through the fucking thing and I'm over it ... So why the hell can't someone else just adapt to it like i did ... It happened get over it stop living in the past and get a life move on with it"

"Jeff kidd if yo..."

"Look Adz am happy that you guys are trying to help so much and be there i really love that, and i know you guys care, it's just i need my space at the moment. Things are killing me going through my mind all the time and people treating me different just because of my past is bullshit ... And to top it all off ... My boyfriend the one who I'm in love with .. The real Chris ... isn't here anymore he fucked off the moment he heard anything about my life."

"He doesn't mean to you know?"

"I know that ... But i need someone who can handle it all, Mark can Matt can ... A few others can ... But if he can't ... well that's his problem." It is ... If he continues i won't be able to take much more

"Jeff what are you saying?"

"I'm saying nothing, I'm just thinking is all"

"Kidd don't do anything you're going to regret"

"I regret nothing in life"

"I know ... sometimes that is your downfall"

"Yeah ... But sometimes it's also my rising"

"Look I'm going back in, come back if you want kidd, Chris will want to talk, same as Mark my guesses are."

"Yeah that's why am not goin' back, May just head to the concert."

"Without someone?" One more fucking person to say that and i will kill them

"Yes ... alone ... by myself ... i know I'm still young to be going out on my own like you know early 20's but i totally understand" Now lets see if Adam can grasps sarcasm not just me been blatant

"No need to get fucky Jeff, i was just asking"

"I know but it's one of them question's i get asked all the time, it grates on me"

"You sure you going to be okay?!

"Aren't i always?"

"Dear god i should tape you to my wrist and take you there"

I laugh ... it's cool we have just gone from bitchen' to each other to now just talking. We just walk back to to the hotel, am planning on working out my outfit for the night.

I have gotten through so much in life rape, beatings, hate, dying, lying and just general idiots. And most would think that fashion isn't important ... but by god to me it is!

The room is a bomb sight the bathroom is a wreck and i have just spent 3 hours in there. An hour in the shower and an hour dying my hair and an hour for facial work.

Looking good is a bitch but it has to be done. It's one of the only things i have going for me ... and i understand why people wouldn't like the look of me ... but in all honesty .. my style basically says open for business if i want it to.

Now it's been a little over an hour and i still can't pick anything to wear. Mark has been in saying no to every outfit possible and is now sitting watching TV

"MARK ... HELP ME!"

"What! ... Why the hell are you asking me for? You do understand anything you like i will hate because it is way to tight or small for you."

"IT'S THE LOOK I'M AIMING FOR!"

"The look you're going for says open to everyone, even the ugly ones"

"Ha-ha Mark .. be funny, but be funny and at the same time help me out please?"

"Right okay i will" Now this is going to be fun

"Right but you have to be fair remember"

The next hour drags i have tried on everything in every combination and i am ready to kill my uncle with my pair of black skinny jeans.

"MARK LET ME WEAR WHAT I WANT!"

"No .. i don't want you looking like a slut" Oh my god he's laughing .. he finds this fun and or funny ... i swear am going to kill him

"Mark how would you feel with death by make-up? or death by jeans? or death by any thing am not aloud to wear?"

"No death, it's just funny how you are freaking out over nothing."

"NOTHING! The show starts in 2 hours and i ain't got a get up!"

"Right okay i give! ... Wear what you want! ... I was just trying to give my input ... but noooo"

"Yes! of course i would take fashion advise of a guy who if its the middle of the night or a power cut your screwed 'cos its like trying to find a needle in a haystack!"

"... You done?"

"Yeah, pretty much ... i have my get up just my make-up and i will be done"

"Make-up?" Ha i love how he says that he's freaking out

"Yes Mark make-up its a great thing ... It's only eyeliner nothin' else maybe lip balm pushing it but you ... Hey wait up! ... I have stole your eyeliner way to many times now to remember but your getting onto my ass about it!"

"Yes"

"And why the hell is that?" Hypocrite that he is

"Cos i say so, 'cos am older and 'cos i use mine for in ring use not lets try to look pretty for the boys"

"You know what Uncle Mark ... sometimes i doubt that 'cos the way you ..."

For a big guy he can move FAST! ... having to dodge a nearly 7 foot tall guy while trying to squeeze your way into jeans 'aint fun!

... "Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"I want Adam to go with you to the gig"

"Mark come on please let me go by myself"

"Look i know but Chris real..."

"Oh should have fucking known"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Noting" OR how about he's a control freak who needs to come to terms with shit and not change ... asshole

"So Adam going with you?"

"Yeah i guess so .. Adams cool"

"Good"

It's now only half hour to the show and Adam and me are blasting Pearl Jam out the car. It's awsome he's driving and we are chillen' out, we just got something to eat and now to the show ... I can't wait to see it ... well ... him ... he's still in my mind. This is why i was acting like an idiot on looks today ... I want him to think "fuck he's hot". One problem though i think. Adam might not let me talk to him if he finds out his name. That's why i plan on him finding friends while i wonder of ... accidentally on purpose bumping into the idiot who's been stuck in my mind for like a week now.

Hope it all goes to plan ...

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Right okay i know this chapter sucks ass but next WILL be better, 'cos then i can actually work with Jeff and Trent and what not so please read and review and give me some motivation and i will up date Asap X much luv X ... READ AND REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 12

I can't stop writing lol so here is another chapter ... two updates in a short space of time OMG lol

Hey guys ... Thank you very much for the reviews they mean soooo much to me :)

Well not much to say bar me own nothing still ... have tried since i have started writing but have still failed but am still going to try lol

But any ways on with the story...

* * *

JEFF'S POV

The noise is high that i can't hear myself think, the people are all around crushing me and i can barely get my Barings. Adam is heading to the bar and I'm trying to follow in step, it's difficult 'cos there are god knows how many people dancing, talking, drinking and or making out.

I'm keeping a look out for Trent, but i have still had no luck.

I finally reach the bar and Adam is ordering a beer.

"What do you want Kidd?"

"Just a beer for starters thanks"

I grab my beer and head for a area with less people. Things are really packed, i never thought there would be THIS many people here. People keep brushing past me, and i don't like it. My eyes and mind are working ninety. Plus its worse i can't hear if people are near me or not it's all i have to think and look.

Adam is looking at me weirdly but in all honesty ... most people would be because of the way i'm acting.

"You okay?"

"Yea am fine thanks." Yeah ya know, just on the edge of a panic attack ... nothing much.

"You sure? You don't look to hot"

"Thanks ass hole"

"No not like that Jeff, you just look pale ... You sure you don't wanna go?"

"Yeah am sure, am just going to go sit down."

It's about 12.30 in the morning now, the bands have been awesome but Trent's band still haven't been on yet. I'm getting more anxsious and it's showing. I'm playing with my hands more, which is just a sign to everyone who knows me that am about to freak out. Adam have found some of his old friends, he use to be on the gig circuit knowing all the right people, so am just here waiting for Great Escape.

The music is just getting louder and louder as the night goes on and is not helpping my state.

"ADAM!"

"ADAM!"

"ADAM!!"

"YEAH KIDD?"

"AM HEADING TO THE BATHROOM I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"

"OKAY!"

I head to the bathroom, it's in my sight and i pray that it's empty a bands on so it will be less crowded i just hope i can move and breath. I slide through the sweaty bodies and noise and reach my goal.

As i step into the bathroom, it's like a whole new world, granted it's still nasty and screwed up and you really feel the need to stay away from the walls 'cos your scared incase you catch something. But it's got like 4 people in and a lot less noise. I walk up to one of the sinks which is practically hanging off the wall and look into the cracked messed up mirrors.

God I'm a mess, how the hell did i think i could get through this alone; i nearly have fits when people look at me let alone a show!

I'm leaning over a sink with my head resting on a ledge and i hear a bathroom stall open. I look into the mirror and i only stare back. His eyes are staring back at my eyes He is wearing that smirk on his face again. Not saying a word he comes over to me, runs a hand down my back and heads towards the door. He leans on the door frame and looks at me up and down.

"What?" It's all i can say, not hey or anything he has started to piss me off by not saying a word.

"Meet me outside for a smoke in 30 minutes" That's it ... over five years and that's it?

"Why?"

"Why not Nero?"

"35 minutes?"

"Why 35?"

"Why not?"

"I'll be waiting"

He then walks out and leaves me standing there wondering what the hell has happened.

That voice, it sounds harsh off years of singing, smoking among other things. Most people would be pissed off about the way that conversation went. But nope not me, because it's exactly what i have been wanting... What i have been needing.

While i wait it is been the longest 35 minutes of my life. Each minute drags on and on all i want to do is hear that voice again, see them eyes again and most of all feel that body again ... Even if it's just him holding me ... I need something.

Again i have been waiting and its been 30 minutes. I tell Adam am just going out for some air, he is actually been really cool to have around, not hassling me, but i know if he wasn't here i would of been out of the place.

The walk from inside the hot sweaty building to the walk in the cold crisp air is a huge change. My shirt been as tight as it is doesn't really keep me warm. I just stand here waiting. Listing to the slight sound of the band that is playing inside and hug myself to keep warm. I pull out a cigarette and look for a light in my other pocket. Just as i find it a light appears in front of me. I look up and see Trent holding his jacket up in one hand and a light in the other. I take the coat and put it on, it's too big for me him been a bigger build, but if it keeps me warm i don't really mind. I then put my cigarette in my mouth and light it. I feel the smoke that i have just inhaled enter my lungs and suddenly a calming sensation over takes my body.

"So Nero you actually showed"

"And you expected me not to why?"

"I don't know, just had my doubts"

"Oh yeah 'cos you should be the one havin' doubts about people showing up"

"Oooo the Kid has balls"

"Yeah you should know"

He stands there and smirks.

"How you been Nero?"

"Good you?"

"I've been awesome thanks. What you been up to?"

"Not much, just wrestling, been on the road and such ... You?"

"Well I've just been doing the whole I'm a rock star thing ... To tell you the truth ... It's going pretty damn well"

I laugh and he smiles this time. Not a smirk he smiles.

"It's good to see you again"

"Yeah you too"

He looks at me silently and comes forward to me. With me leaning on the wall, i have no where to go, granted i don't want to but now he has me pinned against the wall. He looks down at me and hugs me. We both have finished our cigarettes and now are just standing here.

He bends down without saying a word and stares at me. His head is leaning against mine so we are only a few inches apart. I have nothing on my mind now. He is the only thing going through it and i know he shouldn't be ... In a few weeks he has consumed me again. I'm looking at the man who has been in my mind for so long now, and now i have him holding me. He keeps his gaze upon me and moves his head to the side. In one movement his lips are on mine. It takes me a few moments to register what the hell is happening but after that moment is passed i give back what i have just been given. His kiss is soft and i return it, He moves closer and deepens the lustful kiss. I work my way into it and soon his mouth is opening to mine and we are lost in a passion i haven't felt in so long. The kiss lasts so long my lungs feel like they are going to explode but still he wont stop. I just want him more and kiss him with all i have back.

We both pull away and stare at each other; he kisses me softly and takes a step back.

"Come round here"

All i do is nod and follow.

He takes me round the side of the building where there is no one and barely any light. We walk a bit more so we are hidden by garbage skips.

He pins me up against the wall and in the seconds of walking round the building his body is against mine. His lips are encasing mine and my mind is running 100 miles per hour. He kisses me deeply and i can't help but moan as his hips thrust to mine. His lips trail down my neck and nibbles at my spots suddenly his nibbles become bites and his teeth are tearing at the skin. He sucks harder, which is going to leave a mark and i really don't want to be explaining that one.

"Trent!" I moan, it's all i can do is shout his name over and over again.

"You like that Nero?"

"Trent!" I move closer to him so our bodies are even closer and he suddenly pulls away.

"Trent?"

"Hey babe i got a show to do, Come back stage and we can talk then, seriously i just gotta run, i have just seen the time."

"What do you call what has just happened?"

"Erm ... Erm ... I don't know but since when have we ever needed a name Nero. Lets just call it a meeting between to lost horny souls, who needed to see each other to make sure their destinies do match each other and make sure that them marrying the royal princess is a good thing and ... Erm .. To be honest ... i have no fucking idea ... I just know that it was fun i liked it ... I missed it and by fuck will it be happening again."

"Always a one for answers"

"Just come on watch the show and I'll talk to you back stage"

"And what if i don't?"

"The you have just lost one hell of a good fuck"

I laugh and smile back, walking back round i cling on to his jacket. He walks me to the door and smacks my ass. He gives me his evil silent smirk and walks off into the crowd to head backstage.

WOW ... Like in the past 10 minutes i have just been had up against a wall by my old lover/ best friend who in the end fucked off without saying goodbye because he is a coward and a lowlife and now i am walking back into the show to watch said lowlife play with his band and rock the place. Plus am walking up to my kind off boyfriends best friend to watch the lowlife perform and stare me out ... I ask myself this ... How the hell do i get myself into these things?

**TBC**

* * *

Wow well that's new .. This is the first time in a long time i have actually enjoyed writing a chapter ... Please read and review and it will just get better kidds :)

X much luv X READ AND REVIEW x


	13. Chapter 13

Hey guys ... Thank you very much for the reviews they mean soooo much to me :)

Well not much to say bar me own nothing still ... have tryed since i have started writing but have still failed but am still going to try lol

but any ways on with the story ...

* * *

JEFF'S POV

I LOVED THE SHOW!

After seeing Great Escape play and the rest of the line up i was on one hell of a buzz ... Adam and I went backstage and it was awesome.

We hung out with all the bands i got to see Trent alot more ... but lets just say his talking is a lot different to normal peoples. His version is see how much you can feel someone up without getting caught.

_**Flashback**_

"Fuck Trent be careful"

"Aren't i always?"

"We are seriously going to get caught, Adam is just round there and every other fucker" There was only a stage curtain separating Trent and Jeff from the others. Having to hush your voice was a necessity.

"We wont get caught if you just stop talking" Trent dives in to kiss Jeff but he dodges

"I thought that this little get together was about talking" Jeff gives Trent a questioning glare

"Nero! When do i ever talk you know what I'm after weather it be you or some other guy. Preferably you though."

"Oh don't i feel just so special"

"So you should, i have never fucked a guy more than once bar you. You lets say are teh guy i fuck more than once. It's a good title i think"

"Trent shut the fuck up, let's just go round there and get a drink you know chill and talk."

"One more minute" With that he was already on Jeff invading his mouth with his own. Jeff had already taken to responding to him and was willing to anything he wanted in a matter of movements. The passion continued in the secluded hall until a noise brought them back into the real world.

_**End**_

I'm just lying in bed at the moment ... both me and Adam have hangovers. Trent likes to party and if you can't party with them by fuck are they going to make you. Granted we could, because i have had years of practice with Trent but still however with all the practice in the world, if you don't do it every night then you are screwed.

I have no idea what to do. My head is spinning i think the content of my stomach is ready to show its self again and i have just fucked up what i have got with Chris. I want Chris back i love Chris ... but not this new Chris this is why i don't care so much ... i would of never done it if he wasn't been an ass but it's not the Chris i love.

Trent on the other hand ... He just doesn't give a shit. He never has and that's what i got from him when in fist saw him again in the music store. That glare that he does just shows that he doesn't give a shit if i have had sex before or if i had been raped before of what ever, all he cares about is sex ... and i know he cares about me ... i know it ... but he rarely shows it.

So now i just have to get through this day without seeing anyone hopefully. I seriously can't deal with anyone today apart from maybe Trent but by God do i know that Trent can be dumb but is never dumb enough to come see me. 'Cos if he gets caught by Mark or Matt ... or Hunter or Shawn or any of the other big huge guys who have a thing about protecting me he is a dead man.

Nothing is on TV so am just going to draw i think am board out of my mind but it's awesome just to have some time to yourse...

"HEY HEY KIDD WAKE UP!"

I swear the next person to interrupt my moments of happiness thanks to been alone will be getting something shoved up there ass weather they like it or not.

"NO!"

"Come on Kiddo get up we are all going out for food, then we are heading to the arena"

"NO Let me sleep and not eat and then call me and wake me up for to go to the arena that means i get a good few more hours sleep"

"Awwwww poor baby bro is hangover right?" Patronising shit face, i'll kill him

"..." Evil eyes always work.

"Okay no need to evil me!"

"Then leave me be in my room"

"No Mark said he wants you down to eat"

"Tell him to go fuck himself"

"How 'bout you tell him"

"How 'bout am not that dumb ... i have my moments but never stupid enough to tell the dead one himself to go fuck himself"

"AWWWWW JEFFY! ... Never knew you had such colourful vocabulary. What was that again ... "Go fuck himself" Am i correct?"

"Do i have to get up?"

"Easy way or hard way?"

"I got nothing better to do ... Hard way please" This is going to be fun.

Bed sheets off, pillow ripped from underneath me, me getting picked up and carried to the bathroom, the door opening and clothes getting thrown at me. Nice to see something's never change.

It takes me about 40 minutes to get ready.

"JEFF HURRY UP!"

"HEY! You guys are the ones who wanted me to come, you guys know how long it takes me to get ready."

"That's not the point; there is no point in going now."

"THAT'S FINE WITH ME!"

"Do you really want me to come in there and make you get ready Jeffrey?"

Ooooo Jeffrey the man is getting harsh now. He wants to play the full name game then i will get him back.

"Ooo yes please Mark William Calaway i just can't seem to get my make-up done perfect"

"..." Silence ... Not good ... I wonder if i have snapped that last fuse.

"I swear to god kidd one more comment and your ass is mine"

"RIGHT OKAY ... AM COMING CHILL OUT"

Finally i am done in the bathroom we end up walking down to the entrance and people are waiting for us.

"Wow you got the little tyke out of bed."

I scowl at Chris, like he thinks we are okay after all that he has said, no way.

Matt actually realises the awkward silence and quickly steps in. Thank God.

"Soooo where does everyone want to eat?"

"Don't care, don't even want to be here, not goin' eat."

"Jeff this is grown-up talk go play"

"Fuck you Matt"

Okay i know that was a bit harsh the way i said it because i kind of meant it. But i am sick of people treating me the way they do, i am on such a short fuse at the moment so i just blow up at anything and walk away. Like now for instance.

"Jesus that boy better stop with the attitude before i wipe his face clean out"

"Mark don't be to harsh on the kidd, I'll try to talk to him some time"

"I'm just worried is all"

Well the journey there was just one big ball of tense silence nearly me and Chris were sitting together and i don't know it's just all messed up now. All that is keeping me smling is Trent now.

"Jeff eat something"

"Nope" I'm sorry it's not a nice diner ... IHOP, Denny's ... places known HELL YEAH ... roadside place which you just look out you feel dirty NO!

"Why not?"

"Have you seen the place Mark?" I swear you would think the guy could pick a place to eat that's nice.

"Yeah now eat, we have ate worse places before."

"No correction Mark ... You have... Not me, so get over it am not eating"

"Boy i swear if you don't cut it out talken' to people like they are shit i swear to god you will be out of wrestling for a long time. I will break you if you keep goin' on the way you are. So cut the shit, eat something and learn some respect. You got me?"

"...What-ever..." Mumble that one again Jeff if you feel tough enough.

"What did you say boy?!" Oh God he 'aint afraid to yell in a public place.

"Mark chill out people are looking over" Adam i owe him so much.

"I don't give a shit if people are lookin', that fucking kid thinks he can talk to me or anyone else the way he's been talken' he's got another thing coming"

"Mark don't, he's just a kid"

"No am not just a kid Chris"

"You outside, Hunter you calm Mark down"

Adam decides to drag me oh so nicely towards the door.

"Get off me"

"Shut the fuck up, how dare you talk to Mark like that or Chris for that matter."

"I can do what i like, i'm old enough"

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothin' just people, i hate them"

"Really?" That's not Adam's voice

I turn round to see two people there.

"Mark. Matt"

"You hate people huh?"

"Uncle Mark, look it's just am upset lately and ..."

"Shut up, your not my boy anymore, i thought you could last longer than this back in the business"

"I am lasting" Not his boy, that hurt... take it, take the good with the bad... am cool

"Barely" Not Matt too

"Matt please, just if you stop and think ..."

"Stop and think about what? ... How your not my old fun loving brother, who i love and care for and who would do anything for me same as i would do for him. How your some complete other guy in your body ... How you're ... How yo..."

"Matt? Matt? What's wrong?"

"How your Nero"

"What?!" Only Trent calls me that what the hell.

"How your Nero, when you were young and in you evil i hate the world stage it was i want to be called Nero, and we said no, But in the end we started calling you it, Then when you became you again you were Jeff. Not some fucked up guy that Trent called his creation."

"Why the hell are you bringing Trent into this i haven't seen him in five or six years."

"So. The fact is your not Jeff like this Your Nero, until you see the difference, i don't think we are going to see eye to eye."

"Matt, please I'm not going back to Nero"

"YEAH YOU ARE. Your not my baby brother, you not Mark's kidd, Your not Chris' Jeffybabes ... You're Nero"

Chris and Mark both looked down, they don't even need to say words.

I'm not turning into Nero again. I don't want to be Nero again...

At least i don't think i want to be.

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Whey it be done lol …. Erm it wasn't as fun to write as the past chapter but next bone will be awesome ;D … please read and review tell me what you think and next update will be soon X much luv X READ AND REVIEW


	14. Chapter 14

HEY THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS GUYS I LOVE THEM LOL

Erm this next chapter is just another move along chapter but with a slight twist it's all like I.M ... So i can have a go at that now lol

Please just keep reading and the next update will be soon.

* * *

On with the story!!...

I am so sick of this.

It's three in the morning and i can't sleep it has been a few days since the whole dinner, "your Nero" Incident occurred, and i haven't been able to sleep through the night, i just keep thinking i am hurting everyone.

Tonight i have tryed drawing, listing to my Ipod evern reading ... Come on READING ... That is how desperate i have been wanting to get to sleep.

Now, i know it's not going to help me get to sleep but it's all i can do, i'm so board.

...

Now it's been a good half hour and i swear to god there is only so many sites on the web which are usefull and or entertaining and i have gone through them all. Email's checked apart from my IM which i haven't looked at for a long time. No one will be on i guess it's near four in the morning.

**Jeffy(colour kidd)** has just signed in.

Jesus it has been a long time over 100 messages. Must all be junk mail i swear i hate it when people send you crap an...

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Your up late, it's way past your bedtime, Uncy Mark will be angry if he finds out.

Shit! ... What kind of idiot would be online at four in the morning. Wanting to have a conversation.

**Jeffy(colour kidd)** : Fuck you Trent.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Now we all know you want to do that but come on not over the internet Cyber isn't really my deal.

**Jeffy(colour kidd)** : You suck.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Better than you kidd, better than you.

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: HA ... Now that's funny Trent, i never knew you were such a joker. YOU been better than ME .. Now that funny.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: What's with the name?

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: What do you mean?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Jeffy(colour kidd) ... Come on! ... something cool please Nero.

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: Oh some thing cool like ROCKSTAR JEFFY?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Ha, how 'bout no. Something cool, just not kid like.

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: Hense the name dumb ass.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Change it or i will feel like some dirty old man talking to some kid late at night.

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: You are technically 'cos you are like 1 million years older than me

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Just change the fucking name before i hurt you.

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: Over IM?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Next time i see you your ass will be mine?

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: Is that a promise?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: (Evil Eyes) Jeff i swear i am evil eying you

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **: Okay then!! Changing!

**Jeffy(colour kidd) **Changed there onscreen name to **DarkPhontomNero!**

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Better?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Much.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Sooooo now what? ... Why you up so late?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Can't sleep you know i have funky sleeping patterns

**DarkPhontomNero! **: True ... My god i need sleep.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Then why are you on here genious

**DarkPhontomNero! **: HA ... Funny ... Not ... How about i keep trying to but i can't thanks to my family.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: What's happened?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Me and Mark had this huge argument over shit and now i just can't sleep because of it.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Fuck it! It's just an argument. nothing to big. Right?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: But it's my Uncle Mark. I care what he thinks.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Does he know about what his innocent little nephew did at the gig he went to?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: No! Non of them do you idiot, Why the fuck would i tell them about that?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: You ashamed?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: No i just don't want them to know ... You know my familys view on you.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Ahhhh they love me sooo much. :D

**DarkPhontomNero! **: LOL ... You know fine well if Mark found you near me he would kill you and Matt would be there to help same as Hunter Shawn.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Why is it always the big guys who hate me?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: I have no idea but it's funny from where i'm standing

**!Rockstar Trent! **:Oh really kidd?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Damn right!

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Would it be funny if he hurt me all over.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: I would kiss it better.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Everywhere?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Yup

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Even my ... pe... Pelvis?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: LMFAO! ... YES! Even that Trent!

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Jeff?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Yeah?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: When am i getting to see you again?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: You want to?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Yeah ... Alot

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Right Erm ... i don't know fully ... but i will text you if you want.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: 09546735295

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Cool I'll text you and we can meet up and talk

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Yes ... "Talk"

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Hey ... Nothing like that.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Like hell Nero ... Of course it's going to happen we both know it cut the bull shit

**DarkPhontomNero! **: It might you never know it will.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: I know that you want a good fucking from me like old times to get a buzz back, and it will happen because you want it that much same as me.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Trent don't.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Nero you can bull shit Mark Matt that Chris guy but the fact is ... Not me am Trent not just some guy ... I know you.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Yeah i know.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: So, you know what is going to happen same as me ... And honestly i can't wait.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Me either.

**!Rockstar Trent! **:Good babe.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Why now?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Why now what?

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Why did you think now, why do this now?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Because we both need each other to live or survive at the moment.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Ha like you need me.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: I do actually kidd. In more ways than you think.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Thanks ... Lol.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Anytime.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Look i gotta go, i have a meeting soon enough need to get ready.

**!Rockstar Trent! **:Well you should of started at least three hours ago to actaully get there on time.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Fuck you. I do not take that long.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Jeff when you stayed over mine you took 4 hours in the bathroom.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: That's not the point. I wanted to look hot for you.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: You always do ... Sometimes :P

**DarkPhontomNero! **: What ever you want me and you know it.

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Yeah i do ... I'll admit that lol ... But you want me more.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: LOL. What ever. Anyways i g2g I'll talk to you soon okay?

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Yeah can't wait.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Night X

**!Rockstar Trent! **:Night Babe sweet dreams X

**DarkPhontomNero! **: You too

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Think about me naked

**DarkPhontomNero! **: I don't want nightmares remember :P

**!Rockstar Trent! **: Lil shit.

**DarkPhontomNero! **: Lol ... Night X

**!Rockstar Trent! **: XxxX

**!Rockstar Trent! **Has signed out.

**DarkPhontomNero! **Has signed out.

* * *

Wow .. that was hard to write lol ... The next chapter will be alot better i admit but i just thought this needs to be for the later chapters :P ... Erm if you guys can read and review that would make my day and more reviews make me write more lol X much luv X READ AND REVIEW.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey sorry for the late update, my life has been all over the place. I have been having relationship problems, family problems, my grandad died and me and my friends have been jumped all in the past month i would say lol. How kids are meant to live lol. But now am back with more inspiration and with more updates. Thanks for sticking by me X much luv X

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Jeff's POV

Its round 11 now, am meeting up with him for lunch. I can't believe am doing this. It's like I can't win with him. I said we could meet up and he said he wanted to, but he made me wait a week. Idiot.

I had to lie to get here. They still don't know about Trent again. Mark is still angry the way I treated him, but we are becoming more and more cooler as the days go on. He has even started using my name again. Matt is really worried still though, because he is my brother we can relate to each other, so he knows when something wrong even when other can't see it. It's annoying as hell, when you're trying to lie.

We have had a few hours off before the show tonight and I decided to spend it with a jackass. Why the hell do I keep running to him, he can say jump I say how high. I thought I was over this year's ago, but since he has came back into my life. I have just changed.

I'm waiting in Starbucks for him, he was meant to be here 20 minutes ago, and I'm left here waiting like an idiot.

I see him walk past the big window, then head to the door, Ipod in and looking un-fazed by the fact that he is 20 minutes late. I have this funny feeling in my stomach, I know what I am doing is wrong … But I can't help it. He just draws me back in and I follow in hand. Like I always have done … Like I guess I always will do.

He walks up to me, and sits down on the sofa across from me … and stares. He sits and glares at me, not saying a word … Just looking. He wants me to speak first. I know he won't.

Trent never will give in to me. He has way to much pride. He is a fucker like that. Like even if he is wrong he wont say it, he would rather die than even bruise his ego and or pride.

"What?"

"Hi to you too" Said the idiot

"Your 20 minutes late, you owe me coffee"

"Like hell do i, i owe you nothing your reward is you get to spend an evening with me"

"Wow, fuck if that's the prize for 1st i would hate to see what second and third come out with"

"Guess i must be second or third then"

"Nope your just fucking lucky"

He just sits and glares at me. Saying nothing. Then a smirk rises on his face.

"Yeah i am"

"Wow, was that a nice thing from Trent's mouth?"

"Everything from my mouth is nice"

"Yeah about that ... No"

"Wow you made a funny"

"Wow ... you owe me coffee"

"Right okay fine, I'll get you a coffee ... Happy?"

"Ecstatic" Please get the sarcasm this time round

After the banter and coffee in Starbucks we ended up walking through the park and talking.

"So why?" The one who i am willing to do anything for asks.

"Why what?"

"Why did you come after me?"

"I didn't, i saw you and whatever, your band was playing i was going for others."

"Like hell Nero, i know you, never try to cover up like you do for .. what ever his face is, and ..."

"Don't talk about Chris that way, he's only caring"

"He's only suffocating ... All of your past boyfriend's have done the same"

"Why the hell do you care all of a sudden?" Yeah that's an okay question ... Right? ... I mean suddenly he is been all caring and wanting what's best for me but a few weeks ago he was still away from leaving me before.

"I have always cared Nero"

"Oh yeah, 'cos walking away from me when i was young, vulnerable and ready to kill myself at any point, that shows care ... Very understandable Trent"

"NERO I HAVE ALWAYS CARED! ... Even when i left i was only thinking of you."

"HOW?? ... How Trent?"

"Look lets not do this here, lets just go to the hotel room and talk about it there"

"What-ever"

The walk to the hotel took about 10 minutes but it felt like ten hours ... The silence was deafing and i was just ready to kill him, then hug him the next ... How can he make so fucked up after all these years?

We walked up to the room and he used his key card, he did it so slowly, am sure it was just to aggravate me more, and then he held the door open and let me in.

We stayed silent for so long, i wasn't falling he was the one going to make the first move.

"So you gunna' talk?"

"Why the hell should i say it, you damn well know the question."

"Refresh my mind again."

"Fuck you"

"No that's not it." Jesus he is such and ass hole

"How about you apparently caring for me?"

"I have always Nero, you have never known the full story"

"Enlighten me, change my mind Trent, see if i come running back into your arms"

"No, the story is dead and buried and in the end i saved your ass and a lot of other peoples too. Believe me if you want but you know i don't lie, i divert things but never lie, I'm to blunt for all that crap."

"LIKE HELL! ... You were a huge jackass then, of course you didn't give a fuck about others, you still don't give a fuck. Why Trent? Why? Do you like to hurt me that much, see me in pain?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM"

"NOTHING ... NOTHING IS MY PROBLEM OKAY?"

"LIKE HELL TELL ME WHAT''S UP NERO"

"NOTHING"

"ONE MORE TIME NERO"

"WHAT EVER"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS?, WHY ARE YOU SO IRATE AT THE MOMENT THAT YOUR EYES ARE GOING 90? ... TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS UP!"

"WHY?" Am not going to cry, over him ... I have done enough of that with him. Fuck it.

"YES WHY?"

"Why did you leave when all i needed was you there" I fell to the floor. I can't stay up any longer.

"Nero" Wow first time i have ever saw him slightly defeated.

"Why? just please tell me i need to know"

He walks over to me and sits down slowly beside me his arm moves around me and pulls me into his firm chest. We sit there for what seems like a life time, what in real time is actually 3 minutes as stated by that annoying ticking clock.

"Because i wanted you safe. I needed you safe. I knew you could live your life without me, it would be hard but you did. But if i stayed then i knew that your life would have been worse off and we still wouldn't of seen each other."

"How?" I still don't get it, why the hell would he have to leave.

"Because we were all in deep shit. Remember that guy who we met before and he became our dealer?"

"Yeah"

"He was actually fucking us over, we got into loads of shit and i took the wrap. The police got involved i ran, they found me, done sometime and then just stayed away, made the band and travelled."

"So you left to keep us safe."

"No ... I didn't give a fuck"

Thanks, you know you think you have a break through with someone and they fuck you over.

"Yeah, i should of known."

"Wait! ... I didn't give a fuck about them, i gave a fuck about you though, thats why i left, to keep you and only you safe"

"But Trent, i needed you."

"Yeah but there was also a lot of other people you needed, now am here again. You can have me now, if you need me then you can have me" He laughed, He is always one to make jokes at sweet times like these.

"That sounds really wrong"

"Yeah i know, that's why i said it"

God that smirk...

"What do you want from this Trent"

"You know Jeff. It's never going to change."

I move slowly from his grip and face him, our faces are inches apart.

"Okay"

"Okay?"

"Yeah, i know you limits"

He leans in and kisses me, his kiss is slow and soft it seems to last for hours, his hand moves from my cheek to down by my neck holding me in place.

His kiss will never change, much like himself. They intoxicate you, they drag you in and hold you in place, no matter how hard it is to breath. You lose you mind and logical thoughts. All you can think about is you moment with his kiss and all of your emotions rushing around for him.

He deepens the kiss by pulling me closer with his hand which rested on my neck, his lips part and he makes mine do the same. His hands reach all over my body and pulls me closer to him so my body is resting on top of his. I can barely breathe with the amount of passion which flows around the room.

I slowly and reluctantly pull back from the intimate moment.

"Trent"

"Come on lets move to the bed, leaning a desk is not comfy"

I silently agree and pull myself up with his help and the minute we are standing, his lips are back on to mine. He pulls me on to the bed so i land on top of him. he flips me over and tugs at my hoodie.

"This off"

I remove my hoodie and try to go back to kiss him. But he stops me and tugs at another item of clothing.

"Off"

I slowly remove my t shirt and his lips come crashing to mine. His hands work quickly trying to remove my belt buckle and belt. I then stop his from kissing me.

"Return the favour" I tug at his white wife beater vest "Off"

He smirks at me and pulls off his vest.

The sex lasted for so long, he knew how to tease me, from going slower or going faster. He hit my spot every time and never stopped to give me a rest, he doesn't care during sex, thats his game. He made it rough, he made it hard and made me moan. Not always in pleasure. I screamed in pain as he clawed my back and bit into my neck and collar bone. He made me feel like nothing at one moment, then the next like there was nothing wrong. He would whisper things in my ear, holding me close or just ordering me about. At times he didn't care if i was screaming in pain or begging for more. Sex is his game and played at his rate. What ever he wants he gets. He gave me what i wanted. He gave me the same treatment like he did the first time we did it, or the hundredths time we did it.

We both colapsed together as it had lasted so long and fell asleep.

...

Jesus. What time is it?.

I hold that thought for one moment and stare at him, i don't know what the hell is going on in my head i just had to have him.

I roll over and see what time the clock says. Six O'clock. Okay we haven't slept that late. only a few hours.

"FUCK!! TRENT WAKE UP!"

"What what?! what's wrong?" My screaming lover shouts still half asleep

"I was meant to be at the show 4 hours ago, Vince is goin' to kick my ass. Same as Mark and Matt, I'm dead. Why did you let me sleep so long ... Why did we do this today"

"Je.."

"If you just let this happen on a day where i don't need to be at work, My ass is going to get handed to me"

"Jeff..."

"No, am already on a short leash thanks to last time, i bet they are going to kill me." I reach for my phone and flip it up "JESUS! Over like 20 missed calls ... God knows how many texts"

All i can do is run around trying to find all my clothing. Finding my hoodie on a chair i run for the door but then to have Trent pull me back.

"WHAT! I need to go"

"I'll drive you, you idiot"

"Screw you! This is your fault"

"My fault! How?"

"Your the one who walked back into my life, your the one who made me lie to get here, your the one who made wait a week, your the one who fucked me through the floor and made me late for work!"

"REWIND! YOUR the one who walked back into my life, i walked past you, your the one who came to the show. YOUR the one who is lying i never asked you too, YOUR the one who came even though you had work and finally I didn't hear any complaints" He smirked

"Yeah your right there." i had to smile ... It's all we can do in this situation. "Sooo you going to drive me there or what?"

"Yeah I'll just get my keys"

So we started driving down the highway to get to the arena and i just got more calls and text but i didn't answer them. After ten minutes we get to the arena but he drops me away from view point so no one can see him, we don't want Mark even more angry.

"Well, when can we do this again?"

"I don't know."

"Is there a next time?"

I look down at my hands and fiddle with my fingers, I've noticed i do that a lot. "I don't know"

"No problem, i have others. They just ain't you though"

"Ain't? And the country boy is back"

"Ha funny, no get your greatly fucked ass into the arena, just to let it get kicked all over"

"Yey joy!"

"See you around"

"Yeah ... Later"

"Later Nero"

Then i saw him speed off and away ... and i ran as fast as i could into the arena ... Man i'm going to get my ass handed to me.

I ran into the locker room and saw Mark looking stressed to hell. He looked towards the door and glared at me.

Slowly he moved towards me. Shit! ... Erm ... Ass kicking are the words going through my mind at the moment.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Mark ... look if you jus..."

"No ... Vince is going crazy on you, You have pushed it to far this time Jeff. I swear to God do you like to see how much you can push someone?"

"No"

"Do you like to see how far you can push them? Push me! ... 'Cos Jeff people are getting pretty damn sick of it"

"Look am sorry, I fell asleep and then i got dropped off as soon as i could"

"Jeff, like hell you would of been woke up with the ringing and the banging ont he door" He moves towards me closing me in between the wall and himself "Where the hell have you been Jeff?"

"Nowhere, I fell asleep"

"You pupils are sure as hell dilated" He moves closer to me .. Any closer and i will panic, Why though ... I haven't in so long.

"Jeff, i swear to God you tell me now, or I will put you through the floor"

Okay panic time ... No Mark wouldn't hit me would he ... Shit ... I'm starting to shake and i feel like I'm about 2 pass out.

Please someone anyone ... I just don't want that from him.

"Mark ... Look ... Erm ... Ermm ... I ..." It's getting harder to breathe.

"Mark ... Look ... Erm ...Ermm, What? ... What are you trying to say Jeff? That your lying and that you weren't sleeping you were doing something else to be so late?" He keeps moving in on me, i'm going to pass out.

Shawn sees me starting to panic and freak out so he steps in.

"Hey Mark, this ain't the time or the place. The kidd is going to get it enough off Vince, give it to him later let him get ready"

Mark backs up Shawn gives me a look and walks away, the look is of anger, sympathy a range of emotion.

"Kidd, you are so lucky. But we are going to have a serious serious talk when we get back. You got me?"

I can barely stand up and i just want to get some res...

"YOU GOT ME?"

"Yes"

"Good, now get ready"

Mark left storming out of the lockeroom leaving me and Shawn to talk.

"You nearly panicked?" Shawn said while a collected myself.

"Yeah, thanks for saving my ass back there"

"No problem, but you are going to make a problem if you keep been an ass. Jeff what has gotten into you?"

"Nothing! I just fell asleep"

"I want to believe you, but i know there is something more"

"Shawn, please not now?"

"Nope not know, Later but it will come and you will get your ass handed to you if you keep going on like this."

"I'm not acting any different."

"Yeah you are"

"How?"

"Your not Jeff any more"

"Let me guess ... I'm more like Nero?"

"No i have never seen that side, just heard about him. But it sounds like it" He starts to get up and leave.

"Shawn, wait"

"No Kidd i gotta' get to work, See you in about 30"

"Later"

So I'm alone now. Jesus he sacred me ... it was like he was going to hit me, I can even stand the thought.

I want him. Now i know why i started to see him. To get away from them. To escape reality. He is totally different from everyone else, so chilled and he doesn't give a fuck. He cares about me, but just enough to fuck me. and that's what i need.

I need Trent. I need hurt. I need pain. I need love.

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Right well that one is done ... it was hard to write too... again i am soooo sorry it has been so long but i have been through so much in the past month or so. But hopefully i am back on a better schedule now .. So i will try to update this week maybe or early next week X much luv X


	16. Chapter 16

Ahhhh rites ... first off thank you very much for the reviews :) ... and secondly there was a few spelling mistakes in the last chapter. It's what you get with late night writing lol. But anyways i think this chapter will be better :)

So review and tell me what you think. Plus i haven't done a good one shot in a while so i will do one soon or carry on an old one :)

Just give me your views ... READ AND REVIEW x MUCH LUV x

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ADAM'S POV

Jesus that kid better be happy soon he has been distant for a good week now. Everyone has noticed, he is barely talking, barely eating, just as bed as before. Nothing really bad has happened but just could be something on his mind. He is constantly on his laptop. No matter where he goes he is on the thing. From the hotel or the arena or he is always on his phone. He is just becoming more and more to himself. Granted Mark isn't helping.

You see, when Jeff came to the arena four hours late and Mark said they were going to talk. Didn't really go to plan. Mark screamed at him something bad. Glen was there to calm him down, but Jeff was scared ... He has squared up to Mark before, but he has never been so angry at him, non of us have seen him so angry before. Mark knows other things i don't know how but Mark knows a lot more than most people and that's why he's angry at Jeff. But yeah anyways Jeff was terrified it's the first time i have seen him panic in a while now, Mark didn't stop either when Jeff looked as though he was going to pass out and that just made it worse. Thank God Glen was there or We would of been screwed to be honest. Non of us can control Mark, he is usually the one controlling us. So when we saw him go mental on Jeff, it scared us so god help who it was directed to.

He is just on the bed at the moment we are all in the hotel for a while, Everyone is down in the gym and i would normally go but we are all worried about the Kidd right now, so I'm sticking by him or someone is at all times.

"Kidd you going to get something to eat today or is it going to be the same all over again"

"Same all over again, I'm not hungry"

"Jeff you have got to try to eat something ... please"

"Why should i, its my body i like to have say what goes into it."

"Are you just try to eat anything substantial"

"Nope."

"Skittles?"

"Nope"

"Marshmallows?"

"Nope"

"Gummy bears?"

"Maybe"

"Gummy bears?"

"You buying?"

"Yes, i will buy you gummy bears"

"Good lets go"

Well thats how we solve that one i guess. As long as it gets him out for a while or it gets some food down him i don't really care what it is.

CHRIS POV

I am aching all over, my legs feel like they are about to drop off. That's what you get when you ask Mark to spot you. Intense aint' the word. My legs and arms are just getting the feeling back.

We are all so tired we are all just heading back to our rooms ready for the house show.

"Hey Chris, I'll be up in a bit, i just got to get ready and a shower and pack and stuff"

"Okay no problem Mark. See you soon"

YEY! Now i just get to chill out with Jeff no matter how distant he is been. It's weird something is on his mind which he wont tell me, or anyone for that matter.

I open the door to find no one in the hotel room, Adam and Jeff probably went out for a walk or something, you never know with them two.

Jesus the room is a mess. Hurricane Adam and Hardy have been about. This is what you get when you leave them alone for like what three hours? It's not humanly possible, there are clothes all over the floor, junk and art stuff all over the floor. Looks like Adam tried everything to get Jeff off that laptop.

Which he has kept on. Has he ever thought about saving electricity, for god sake he is an animal lover. There we go rant over.

Lets look, i might as well check my emails...

"Jesus that is a lot of mail" See this is why i don't check it, it's all junk.

Sign off and sign ...

Instant Messenger **!Rockstar Trent! **Conversation.

"What's this?"

I look over the conversation ... Wait ... Trent? ... As in Trent? ... The Trent ... The Trent who fucked Jeff over?

What? Meet up with me? What time?

What the hell?

"How many conversations is there?"

"How good was last night?"

Oh my god.

I hear Adam and Jeff's voices coming from down the hall coming closer towards the door. The door opens but I'm frozen in place. Jeff wouldn't do this to me. He's not like that ... no he just wouldn't.

"Hey Chris what's up?"

The conversation started Adam just tried failed.

"Chris?" ... Jeff looks at the laptop looks me in the eye and it all fits together.

"Chris ... look"

"Get the hell away from me"

"Chris if you just listen to me and we can talk"

"WHAT TALK ABOUT WHAT?"

"Chris! Shhh please"

"NO TALK ABOUT WHAT JEFF, HOW YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING TRENT BEHIND MY BACK?"

"What the hell?!"

"Adam, look it's not like that"

"WHAT IS IT THEN JEFF?" I don't want to believe this

"Chris please keep your voice down, Mark will hear"

"OH YOU DON'T THINK HE IS GOING TO FIND OUT? ... GET REAL JEFF, WHEN HE FINDS TRENT HE IS GOING TO KILL HIM, NOT BEFORE HE KILLS YOU FIRST, BUT WITH TRENT IT'S DIFFRENT!"

"Chris ... Look please lets talk about this and sort it all out not in a hotel room, just us two an..."

"What the hell is going on, is everything okay ?" Mark then stops looks at the scene.

"Jeff?"

"Mark .. Look.."

"What have you done?" I only know one thing and that kidd is going to get his ass kicked.

JEFF POV

"What have you done?" Shit, what do i say

"Come on Jeff we are all waiting" Chris has tears in his eyes, no ... it wasn't meant to be like this.

"Erm...Ermm..."

"How about we start with a well known name Mark? ... Does Trent ring a bell to you?" Oh shit ... Chris beat me to it.

Marks head swings round from Chris to meet my eyes. His glare is one i have never seen before only when he said to Trent before stay away have i seen this glare, but now it's more intense. You can see everything. the hate he has for Trent and at this moment me. The fear his has about me going back to the way i was before. The disappointment he has in me for going back and been so stupid. He looks like he is ready to kill me and not have any remorse.

"What?" Oh no ... he is speaking in the quiet voice. The one that you fear more than yelling the evil tone.

"Mark i know you hate him and i ..."

"Hate ... Hate is such a strong word Jeff ... DESPISE IS THE RIGHT WORD TO SAY!"

"Am sorry"

"Sorry, Oh no ... I really couldn't give a shit ... How dare you fuck Chris over like that."

I turn from the glare of my uncle to the pain and sorrow of my lover's eyes

"Chris ... I'm so sorry, It wasn't meant to happen, I'm sorry"

"No Jeff you are not sorry, not in the least ... Your sorry you got caught"

"No Chris, it's not like that, i need you in my life. I need you here with me"

"Yeah you sure proved that one over the god knows how many weeks you have been fucking him behind my back"

"I love y..."

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT!" He just glares at me walking closer and closer, i look around and Mark is just looking in disgust at me. "DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU LOVE ME, WHEN IF YOU INFACT DID LOVE ME YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKED AROUND"

"CHRIS IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"THEN WHAT THE HELL IS IT LIKE JEFF, OR SHOULD I SAY NERO"

I look at Chris and see the hate he has for me. I never thought i would see that from him.

"I'm not Nero ... I'm Jeff"

"Yeah right Jeff, if you were still the person i fell in love with ..." He slowly stops and breaks down crying ... I have seen his eyes tear up but never break down ... His raw emotion falling right into his hands. I see this person i love ... One of the only people to love me and hold me and keep me safe and he can't even stand the sight of me now. He hates me ... I have fucked up everything i have ever had with him ... No more Chris. "If you were still the person i fell in love with i wouldn't be feeling like i want to die right about now, my heart wouldn't be shattering into five billion pieces"

"Chris ..."

"Forget it Jeff, you made your choice"

"Chris!" I shouted at him when he ran for the door. I kept shouting his name and went to go after him but Mark grabbed my arm and glared at me.

"You have no right to do that."

"Let me go, i need to see him, i love him" He just squeezed my arm tighter and more painfully.

"Liar..."

"No I'm not lying Mark, please believe me"

"I can't trust you Nero" He held my arm and glared at me longer. I think i have broke more than one heart today.

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There we go ... Erm next chapter will be up hopefully very soon. Things are going a lot cooler now :) YEY lol ... And i think that i can get a lot more writing in. I am feeling a lot more inspired with writing now. So watch out lmao X much luv X ... READ AND REVIEW!!


	17. Chapter 17

Hey kids thank you so much for the great review you make me smile :) ... Erm ... just read and review and i will update asap with the newest chapter :D X much luv X

Ooooooooo By the way ... manic the hedgehog you are in for a treat lmao ... you have alot of one shots or a good multi chapter :P X much luv X

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Mark POV

I still have hold of his arm. My grip is so tight it has got to be hurting the kid. But i am past caring. In all honesty ... I think he is past caring. He has came to a point where he back on the road to self destruction.

Trent ... Where do i start with Trent? ... He is going to be the death of Jeff ... or be one of the helpping hands.

I finally ask a question, the only question which seems to be on my mind at the moment " Why?"

"..." He stays silent. He hangs his head and stops trying to pull away from my grip.

"Answer me" ... More silence ... "ANSWER ME!"

"..."

I whip his body round to face me by using his arm which I'm holding and grabbed his other arm. Getting closer to his face to get my point across. I have tried love and soft actions. But if he wants to play like that he can.

I can scare the answer out of him. "WHY NERO?"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT"

"WELL WHAT, THAT'S ALL YOU DESERVE" I hold on to his arm as tight as i can, it will most likely leave a mark but thats the least of the kids problems.

"...Whatever..." He said with a mumble ... you can barely understand him.

"What was that?"

"What-ever" Oh no the boy didn't just whatever me.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"I SAID WHATEVER MARK"

"JEFF SHUT IT!"

"No Adam ... This is my life, he has to get over it."

"Ahhh Nero acting out like normal just to get what he wants."

"Fuck you Mark ... Whatever"

SMACK! ... It echoed throughout the room.

... ... ... Silence was killing anything that came into my head.

"You wanna play with the big boys prepare yourself to get burnt"

He looks back up at me and glares at me. Utter hatred shows through his whole person. I can feel him tense and try to move back. I look straight back at him with no emotion. He glares at me not breaking eye contact.

Through clenched teeth "Get ... The fuck ... Off of me ... Now"

"Nope"

"Now!"

"What you going to do if i don't ... Nero?"

I think that was his last bit of sanity snapping and he tensed so much and shouldered me to break free.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DON'T TELL ME WHAT I AM, WHO I AM OR WHAT I AM MEANT TO DO IN MY LIFE"

"I am your uncle, the one who has raised you from your life before when you got treated like shit!"

"SHUT UP ABOUT THAT"

"No you said who the hell do you think you are, Well i think i am the guy who has helped you through everything given you most things in life and i am the person who has stood by you for everything you have done!"

"OH YEAH! That's why you have just called me Nero ... You don't believe me when i say i love Chris and you don't trust me with anything"

"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I JEFF? ... You have just fucked around on "the love of your life" with your former drug dealer best friend who use to sleep with you even though you were 15 and he was like what 22 or something, yeah i should trust you."

"I'm not asking you to trust me, i know you shouldn't trust me am an asshole i want you to believe me when i say i had my reasons"

"AND THEY ARE BULLSHIT ONES"

"I NEEDED HIM! ... I NEEDED TRENT TO SAVE ME!"

"HE IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF YOU"

"NO HE WONT, HE SAVES ME ... HE ALWAYS WILL ... YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT!"

"Jeff, if i see him he is a dead man ... If i find him ... I will kill him"

"Why Mark? Why? ... Is it because you feel like you can't do anything for me when he is around. You think that i will always go running to him when he is around?"

"Shut the hell up Kidd or do you want another smack heading your way?"

"Wha..."

"And if you dare say Whatever, i WILL make sure you won't get up ... You got me?"

"Yeah"

"Good, now i want you to stop been a mouthy little shit and tell me what the hell has went on, how long for and why the hell you did it."

"It has went on for about a month and a bit since the gig we went to because it was his band that was playing. Next me and Trent were talking a lot then we just got closer because of reasons, he was there to support me and i really needed him and one thing led to another."

"What the hell could of been your reasons?"

"EVERYTHING! First the moment Chris found out about my past he changed. He wasn't the cocky arrogant idiot who i fell in love with he changed. He would ask if i was okay constantly he would try way to hard and hurt me even more by doing that. He wouldn't let me live. Then if i was late people would instantly jump to the thought of me been passed out somewhere smacked out of head. Everyone changed towards me. Even you Mark."

"Jeff how do you expect people to react? It's a hard thing to deal with"

"No shit! I actually went through it. Look Mark ... I dealt with it. I was there i went through the pain and i'm dealing with it so Chris has to also. Trent on the other hand. He knew about it all from the start. From the moment we got talking he was a manipulating mother fucker. All he cared about was drug's and party's ... Oh yeah and sex, But that never changed him. When he found out about me a year down the line he still wanted me for sex, he didn't lay off pestering me about it. All he wanted was my ass. And that made me smile be..."

"It made you smile that you were been used for nothing more than a fuck off a guy who lets be honest really couldn't give a fuck either"

"NO ... It made me smile because he didn't give a fuck about my past he treat me me the same as he did everyone else. He treat me like he did before he found out, there was no over comforting. I actually got treat like a human. And even now i saw him he didn't give a fuck that he left. He didn't care that i was heart broken or he nearly killed me all he cared about was that the fact i was there to see him and he was there to hold me."

"Jeff, he is only going to hurt you."

"I'm use to that Mark"

"Why did you sleep with him?"

"..."

"Why Jeff? Answer me now please"

"You wanna' know why? Because i have had sex with so many people, to many people to actually think about. I know that is something you really don't want to hear but it's the truth. Some of them i really didn't want to have sex with but they got it anyways. Most have meant nothing to me bar like five maybe. Trent is one of the ones who meant something to me."

"That still doesn't answer the question Jeff"

"RIGHT! Okay you win. The real reason i had sex with Trent because it wasn't sex ... It was a fuck, a hard painful fuck. He threw me all over and made me bleed he left me battered and bruised and i did the same to him. There was no "make love" about it. No sex about it. It was a good hard fuck that's what i needed. When i had sex Chris he wouldn't go at that rabid pace that i needed. He was scared in case he "broke me". That fact is ... and with you been my uncle i doubt you really want to hear this but you asked. With Trent he fucked me all over, he didn't care about my past he barley cared about me. All he wanted was a good fuck. A good screw to where all of our aggression was placed out on the bed. There was no stopping to see if i was okay ... No special treatment for a bad past. The only special treatment i get is getting to be held by him at the end 'cos I'm the guy he fucks more than once."

All i can do is stare at the kid. He looks like he is telling the truth, he looks heart broken. Like he doesn't know what is going on next in his life. He usually likes that type of aim to his life. Not knowing what is going to happen, living for the moment ... But not this time ... For the first time i think i have seen him in a while is ... he looks ... Scared.

"What am i going to do Mark?"

I snap out of my thoughtful state of mind and look at the kid trying to think of a reasonable answer for his question.

"Erm ... I don't know Kidd ... I honestly don't know ... But look ... Wait here with Adam ... I'm going to go see Chris."

"Let me ... I want to ... It's my relationship"

"Yeah i know kid ... But by god i know that he can't stand to look at your right now, no matter how much that must hurt to think that but it's true."

"Tell him i love him"

"Yeah kid, i think he knows, That's what hurts him the most"

All i can do after that conversation is walk out and go on a hunt for Chris. I look up and down the hall, then finally go knock on his door. After a few moments the knock wasn't answered so i kept knocking.

"Chris open up man, it's me Mark" I really don't feel like having a conversation threw a door today, he better answer.

"I'm fine Mark, just i need to be alone for a while"

"No you don't you need people around you as much as possible"

"No Mark i don't ... Go back to the Kidd, that is your main priority"

"No he ain't ... My main priority is you now. I have just chewed his ass off. I think he is an irresponsible, nasty, heartless mother fucker at points, and lately that is all he has been. I want to talk to you without a door ... please?"

I wait for a voiced answer but all i hear is footsteps which appear to be getting closer and then the door swing open. He looks broken. His eyes are bloodshot he looks like shit, and this is in less than an hour.

The first thing i can think of doing for him is hugging him. the moment we embrace his emotions get the better of him and he breaks down. His tears run through my shirt and it seems like he is clinging on for dear life."

"Come on, lets go inside"

"Mark what am i going to do?" Why does every fucker think i should know.

"Talk to him"

"No i can't Mark, i just can't ... I can't look at him in the same way that i did. I loved him and he fucked me over"

"I know Chris, but you have got to try and talk to him, he is hurting too. I know that is still no excuse, no way in hell. But he knows he has fucked up big time"

"No Mark. I can't see him. I just can't i look at him and want to be sick because i keep thinking that he is my Jeffybabes who wouldn't fuck me over and he did. And you know what the most annoying thing is?"

"What?"

"After him fucking the person who we hate the most, after him lying to me and just basically taking me for granted ... I still love him ... My heart is still his."

I catch him before he can land on the ground racking his body with tears.

"It's going to be okay"

"It feels like everything inside me is breaking. I have broke up with people before but nothing like this. I need him to breathe ... I need him to keep my head straight. I love him with everything i can. I'm IN love with him Mark. I know if i see him i will take him back. No matter what he does i will always give him one last chance."

"Stop then."

"I can't ... I love him. He's my everything."

"Another person can be your everything in time"

"What if don't want there to be another person"

"Then you are either going to end up with Jeff again, who has lied to you before, what's going to stop him again or you are going to end up rather lonely"

"He's your family, your meant to be selling him to me, not selling him out."

"Well i would have been selling him if he didn't fuck up, but he fucked up big time and he is going to pay for it from several people. He's just a kid but he will realize how much he has fucked up, it'll just take time i think."

"Do you think that we will ever be together again?"

"That depends on you guys. You have to think long and hard and not let him roll right over you, plus he has to be committed enough not to fuck you over again ... 'Cos I'll tell you now ... You guys have the love part sealed."

"Does he love me?"

"Yeah, in his own weird way yeah he does. You know why?"

"Why?"

"He told me he did, he doesn't tell people that Chris, you know that for a fact. How long did it take for him to say that he loved you all them years ago."

"Jesus i can't even remember, a long time though"

"Exactly, he may not show it, he may be the biggest ass ever to anyone, But you gotta know the kid follows what is in his head sometimes more than his heart"

"So hurting me was in his head?"

"No ... Getting to safe land rather than drowning was. Everyone was changing round him and he couldn't take that, what he needed was that jackass who doesn't care about him. to treat him like ... Any other idiot who walked through the door."

"Do you think he will ever follow his heart more than his head one day?"

"He already did, he fell for you didn't he?"

All i can do is hold him. He needs to let everything out of his system before we can even think about going back to normality. We lie on the bed and i just let him break down himself in front of me. It's all i can do.

* * *

There we go :D ... It was okay to write to be honest ... So the next chapter is on it's way and i already have ideas lol X but please love me lol and read and review and if they are nice i will always write more :) ... Thank you so much everyone who reviews every chapter it really helps to know i have the loyal readers. So as always X much luv X READ AND REVIEW xxxxx


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you for all the reviews they make me happy " ) the ultimate new smiley lmao!

Well not much to say bar the next chapter will be up sooner than this one has took lol

X much luv X

Now on with the madness :P

BTW Manic .. my oh so good friend .. i have inspiration now .. get writing :P ... definatly dedicated to my naruto :P

* * *

JEFF POV

WWE ... Wow ... The fans, the crowd, the energy and the amazing buzz you get are just a few things you have to love about the business.

... However ... The things you have gotta' hate the most ... WWE PARTYS! ... Everyone having to talk, then have a meal, then talk over drinks until you really feel that the grass is always greener on the other side ... The other side also has a gun and no mindless conversation!

I am in the bathroom right now trying to get ready as Mark so lovingly said to me "Get your ass up before i make you!" See i don't get a choice in this. I get made to go.

It's optional, but Vince wants us all to go. Which means ... Everyone will be there even Chris ... And well lets just say its been like four weeks of hell. As we all have the same friend's and the same on road family, we have to be round each other all the time. I don't know how i feel with Chris now. I know that i love him still, and in some ways i know he still loves me but he is hiding it, trying to move and get on with life. Me i just let it swallow me until i can barely breathe.

I see him smile and want to choke. See Chris and me are very different but at the same time very alike ... But with things we are so different ends of the spectrum.

Like him. He will smile and tell everyone things are okay, and he works through them. Looking on the bright side and talk to people about things. Me i don't. If there is something wrong, i say nothing ... Nothing at all. It's my life and no one can help change that. I have barely said words in the past four weeks. Answering questions when they are directed at me and inputting my views into match making. Everything else i just stay quiet and think.

Trent ... Well to say the least Mark is still pissed at me about that and if his name is mentioned he will go off it or ignore the comment made.

I just want to see him and tal ...

BANG

"JEFF HURRY UP IN THERE!"

For fucks sake i can't even have life a half hour in the bathroom ... Granted i haven't got very far I'm still just in my jeans ... The rest of the time has been spent thinking about what the hell could i wear to impress him or what the hell am i going to say to him.

"JEFF I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T ..."

"YEAH YEAH I KNOW! IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP I WILL MAKE YOU BLAH BLAH BLAH ... I HEAR IT ENOUGH"

"OPEN THIS DOOR PLEASE"

I open the door and he then grabs hold of the door handle while talking to me.

"Jeff ... Look i know we haven't had the best month right now nor are we going to ... But i give you some sympathy and what not ... And yeah, give you some room to breathe and yeah you may snap at points at people ... But you act like that towards me again for no reason ... I wont be able to stop what i will do ... You got me?" The hushed voiced tone ... It is killer, it sounds like he will kill you.

"Yes Uncle Mark"

"Good now hurry up" From one extreme to another Angry and ready to hurt me ... To happy the next. It's done to get to me.

I just shut the door and get ready. It's all i can do.

About 20 minutes later we were all downstairs in the bar the meal was to say awkward ... I never felt like eating much ... I just don't feel hungry anymore ... So yeah i just played with my food practically ... everyone talked and everything was happy. I never talked much .. only answer when spoken to. All there is to it.

Next after the food everyone just gets smashed out of there minds. Now this is the part i liked.

"Jeff slow down on the drink kidd would ya?"

"Am cool Adam serious"

"No Jeff, you haven't eaten and it will go straight to ya"

"Adam serious am cool, only a few drinks"

"It better be" All this said with a glare. You know after everything i really don't need this.

"I'm fine, i always will be" With that i walked outside with my drink. I spotted a bench and just go to lean on the edge while i sit on the floor. I really like sitting on the floor i don't know why to be honest.

I pull out of my cargo pocket's a packet of cigarettes took one out and let the nicotine calm me. I wrap my hoodie round me more to try and keep warmer.

...

I hate this.

I would normally have Chris next to me while doing this. Him bitching at me about how smoking is bad and how i can do without. You know it was one of them thing's where you hate it, like hate it so much but when it's gone you realize you hated it because you knew he was right and you love it because of the time you spent together.

But either way. Yeah. I needed to get out of that place. Everyone is moving on like nothing happened. Even Chris.

Well it seems like that.

I walk back in and everyone is talking and laughing and having a great time. I walk in slowly trying to keep low profile and i see Mark turn round frown slightly and i just saw the tension in the room get suddenly heavy. I saw Chris and everyone talking.

What can i do? Go over there and spoil the good time for everyone or go outside with another drink and go down the road of getting shit faced.

I look over at the group and they are still been slightly. I look over to the outside ... Grass, tree's, air and no judgment. I think i shall take the latter.

I go over to the bar trying to stay away from the group, order my drink. Lets make it a triple.

See i can drink alot of things ... Beer easy ... Me ... I like my spirits and i can go easy, doubles usually. But as my aim for the night is to forget the whole thing and drink until i pass out i think triples are in order.

I collect my drink and walk well away from the group to the outside take a seat in a lounge chair. I pull out my ipod and a pen ... i blast some Three Days Grace, Acceptance, Metallica, Less Than Jake and so on. I can go from post grunge to metal to ska all in one play list. It's better than having to talk in awkward conversations. I take the pen and start to draw a pattern around faded scars.

MATT POV

I watch as my baby brother walks outside, not talking to us, looking depressed as hell and with yet another drink.

"Mark what's up with him?"

"Well i few things come to mind, one been Chris"

"He fucked around on hi, he can't miss him that much"

"Matt, you know Jeff works in odd ways and he has some valid reason in that head of his. I know he fucked up. But he's punishing himself for doing that"

"True. I hope he's okay."

"He will be, He knows we are here"

JEFF POV

"Get up"

"What?"

"Get up now"

"Jeff come on kid your off your face drunk and your sitting there still listing to your ipod in. Please let me get you to bed"

"I'm fine ... Serious i just need sometime ... To me."

"How about that's all you have done"

"Adam ... Please back off"

"Right .. Look Kidd am going inside ... Mark has left the door open so you can just get in 'cos him and Matt are having a talk and a beer ... If you need me ring me okay?"

"Yeah cool"

"Night Kidd"

"Night"

...

All i needed was another hour ... Just to chill. Not having to dodge anyone or pretend not to hear them. Actual time to just relax take in the music and the life ... Everything.

I'm cold now so I'm just going to go in and sleep ... Well try to walk in and find my bed. My alcohol consumption carried on through out the hour of everyone leaving ... I just needed to.

I stumble through the chairs and the bar and then i see the exit so i know to turn right at the reception ... I love not knowing my way round it just makes everything more fun you know lik...

...

Owwww

Now not only does my head hurt. My ass and elbow does too.

I grasped the hand who helped me up and then stood up and tried to clear my all ready cloudy head.

I look from the belt up ... Fucking great.

Tight jeans that hug everything

Belt buckle ... Over sized and very rocker

Fitted Beatles t-shirt

And the most amazing smile ever.

Our hands are still connected and i rip my hand away from his as if it's on fire.

I look at him. I want to run ... I want to run for my life and never have to see him again. My head is spinning no help from the alcohol and the fall. My mind is racing and i can barely breathe. I can say the only thing that comes to my head.

"I'm sorry"

"Yeah me to, are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine ... you?"

"Am good thanks"

"So ... Had a good night?"

"Erm ... Yeah was cool ... You enjoy it?"

"Nah ... You know what I'm like for party's like this ... It's weird for me ... ... Erm ... Look i gotta go ... Mark has ... Erm .. Left the door open ... and ..."

"Yeah yeah ... no problem ... Erm ... I'll see you around ... yeah?"

"Yeah"

I started to slowly stumble away ... trying to look calm and collected.

Next move ... Really isn't so smart.

"Chris!" He turned round and i saw his face, i wanted to break down.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry"

He looks at me and he looks like he is about to break down

"Yeah i know ... me too Jeff ... Maybe one day"

He turned away and started to walk again

"Chris!"

"Yeah .. Again" He smirked

"I ... I ... Night"

"Night to you too Jeffy"

We smiled and looked back once more and as he turned the corner and was out of sight. I ran ... I ran up the stairs to my floor and looked for the door through tear filled eyes.

I never stopped to greet Mark or Matt .. I headed straight for the bathroom and emptied the contense of my stomach into the toilet,

Mark and Matt in less than 10 seconds were in the bathroom.

"Jesus kid. How much have u had to drink?"

I didn't answer i could barely hear my head was spinning and i just kept vomiting.

"Kid?"

"It's not the drink"

"Jeff you can smell the alcohol on you"

"Yeah it's not that"

After a few minutes of silence a drink of water and a rest. I'm leaning on the side of the bath on the floor. My knees are pulled up to my chest and my head is down with my arms wrapped around me ... It keeps me safe and happy.

"Jeff ... Kidd ... Come on ... talk to me ... What's up?"

"Mark i saw him"

"Who?"

"Chris ... We fell on our asses and he picked me up and then we talked and then it was cool just awkward ... When has it ever been like that with me and Chris? ... Never ... How the fucked did i fuck all this up! ... I'm so fuckin' stupid!"

"I spoke so fast my head was spinning ... I just want it to stop. I lashed my head back so it hit of the edge of the bath. The dull pain hit the back of my head and made me feel even more sick.

"Jeff don't!"

He puts his hand on the back of my head and strokes my hair softly. The sweet side of The Undertaker. To me this isn't The Undertaker or even Taker ... It's Uncle Mark

"Did you guys argue?"

I just shook my head

"Then what happened to make you this upset"

"I don't know"

"Come on ... Wash your face and clean up a bit and get some sleep ... We are just going to sit out on tha balcony for a while okay?"

"Yeah"

Ten minutes later i came out of the bathroom in some cargo shorts on just ready to crash.

"You need us Kid just yell okay"

"Yeah Uncle Mark ... Night"

"Night Kiddo"

He placed a kiss on the top of my head and let me get into bed. I looked towards them as they sat on the balcony and i turned away ... I need some sleep. I just hope tomorow is better. I need it to be better.

* * *

I am soooooo sorry for how late this has been to post i suck lol

Next one will be up sooner and i have the next few chapters planned out :D lol

please READ AND REVIEW ... YOU WILL MAKE MY DAY :D

!! X much luv X

R AND R


	19. Chapter 19

Hey guys! ... Wow well thank you very much for your reviews they mean the world to me and for all you kindness i think i will give you two chapters in one week :O lol

I would like to thank **KBS25 **... You are amazing .. and no matter what is always reviewing and giving me support :)

Just for everyone else who reviews thank you so much .. especially the people who review time and time again **Speeding-kitty** and **SummerRain173**

My **Manic** xD

Just everyone thank you so much :)

On with the madness!!

* * *

JEFF'S POV

It's so dark and cold. My heart is going ninety.

The hight of it all. The dangerous walk that i make from one point to another. The ear piercing screams. The blood draining looks i get.

I come to the back ally. I knock on the cold hard metal shutter keeping me from the warmth. I slowly become more impatient and then push it open without acceptance.

It should of been a better day.

It should of been a better week.

It had to be.

Or nothing would be the same.

I wouldn't be the same ...

I feel the warmer air hit me like a wall. I feel enclosed now. I look down the hall way. Seeing doors on either side of the walls. Noises coming from more than one. I slowly trail from the door to the end of the hall. The screaming the noises becoming all to much. I look back at the door. I shouldn't be here.

I see darkness with one ray of light coming from the crack in the door where the hinges need replacing i can feel the beats of the noise coming through my body and my blood .I smell the oldness of the building the damp floors and ceilings. I can feel the rough torn wall paper over the cold walls. By the time i have done looking through the hall it feels like it's closing in on me from the opening wide ... and now I'm in been taken ... been held i feel suffocated. I feel as though i can't get out and need to.

I run.

I run. Not back to the door where i came from. I run to my sanity. I run to the dark. I run to the screams and the sighs I run up the stairs and I run to the music which pulses through my body. I slam open the door and a sudden wave of boom hits me.

I smile. I feel the stares and the screams and look over the edge.

The edge of the balcony holds a separation .. up high for the VIP ... The bands and friends.

The floor for the party. The fight. The mosh. The dance ... It's all a dance. From walking you body to the bar to the stage. Your body moves and creates motions with others.

The lights are flashing in my eyes.

I block them behind my arm and look away behind me away from the madness down below.

In the shadows i see him.

Cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. His hair long hair slightly by the heat messed up but still covering his eyes ever so slightly.

He is with a group of people. All i know, but have yet to acknowledge. He has his guitar resting on his lap and picks it up while the cigarette hangs loosely between his harsh lips.

He looks up and with the flashing lights i can see the left side of his face clearly yet his eye keeps going from focused to not. I can see him stare me out.

I feel what is coming next. His eye still glinting in the shadows. He smokes the last drag on his cigarette and takes a drink. The smoke then fades into the atmosphere and he stands up while placing his guitar on the top of the battered table.

As he moves up the light changes to where the only visible part of his beauty is that.

Smirk.

He comes closer the same smirk plastered over his face. He knew i would come back. He just waited.

As he walks closer to me. I back away more. I can feel the balcony railing press against my back and i know i have hit my point.

His fingers brush the edge lightly and he runs his nails across so the high pitches screech can be heard over the low bass music. He looks up and blows the old paint off his nail and grabs the bar again but firmer.

He swings his body into it so that he has both hands on the bar. One on each side of me. Enclosing me in.

I knew this was a bad idea.

"Welcome back" Nice to see he has manners

"Am not here to stay"

"We shall see"

He presses his body up against mine and pushes onto his wrists which are keeping us both safe as he is pushing us back further and further over the balcony.

"If you are here to stay ... Make sure you don't fall Nero"

He pushed more onto me ... making me cringe and make my hand grasp on to his side.

"Never knew you were so friendly Nero"

"What the hell have you been taking?"

"The normal"

"And now that is?"

"Coke ... E ... Sometimes a few other things"

"Nice to see my life is in the hands of some drug addict"

"I'm not addicted. I have never needed them Jeff ... Unlike someone"

"Fuck you"

"Wow so forward"

"You know what ... Let me fall ... I would rather that then have to stay in this conversation any longer"

I push forward getting out of his grip and running. I open the door and slam it behind me. I bolt ... It's the only thing i can do. What the hell was i thinking coming here?

I start to run down the 1st flight of stairs.

I can hear the other bands shouting for Trent. He must be running for me.

I run and turn into the next flight of stairs. I trip over the trash that is littering the floor.

"Fucking Dammit!"

I try to get up as soon as i can i make up for lost time. Just as i was about to get to the second flight he pulls me back and whips me into the corner.

I whimper as of the connection.

"You know i would never let you fall. I would rather take the hit than let anything hurt you"

I push him away and walk back up the stairs.

Like hell should i trust him. He is nothing ...

I grab a beer from the boxes scattered and say hi to everyone that i ignored not so long ago. I sit down and talk to a few people. Mostly out of bands, or friends of the bands.

I feel him staring at me. I can see him, he is pissed off and he is trying to drink out the sound of my voice. I stare him out. He is leaning in to grab the joint off the guy with drum sticks. He looks hot ... Just no Trent.

The rule is .. It gets passed in the circle ... That rule was broke as Trent took his tokes and he looks over to me. Gets up walks over and hands the drug to me. I stare at him as he smirks ... Not cute ... But evil ... Like wanting me to give in ... Like wanting me to leave. To show him. I need to.

I take the joint and take a few back. It's been awhile. But once you have done drugs. It's like swimming ... You don't forget.

It hits me slowly and he smirks again ... This time pity ...

...

It's a little over two in the morning now. Most of the guys are down stairs getting food. And going for another beer run. Me and Trent are looking after all the instruments and our shit. The silence is killing me. But it's better than having to talk to the jerk.

... "I can't believe you did it"

"Excuse me?"

"The joint, you took it Nero ... Why?"

"Why not?"

"I asked first"

" 'Cos i wanted to"

"Yeah ... Whatever"

God been on the other side of the whatever really sucks. Now i know why people hate it when i say it. I really want to punch him just for saying that.

"Like you care"

"Oh but i do ... And you know it"

"Like fuck, i never believed you on the stairs ... Why would i now?"

"Because you know me Nero ... If you didn't trust me ... You wouldn't be here"

"Your a jerk"

He is slowly moving towards me ... Each foot placement so delicate. Odd for Trent to be delicate. His gaze is aimed down, He knows I'm right about him been a jackass.

He reaches for my shoulder slowly ... each move soft and relaxing. His worked hand move up from my shoulder up to my neck slowly massaging it under pressure and feeling my neck loosen slightly.

His hand moves slowly as they tighten around my neck. His soft touch became harsh and his other arm brought round faster than i could see mimicking the other hand. Both hands round my neck with a good amount of pressure from both.

He dips his neck so that his head is neck to my ear in one flowing movement. He whispers harshly in my ear

"But it's the way you like me Nero"

"Trent..."

"You feel tense"

"Your hands around my neck may have something to do with that..."

..."A stressful month lets be honest ... I have heard all about it"

"How?!"

"That is for me to know, and you not to worry your pretty little head about"

"Get off me"

"You know you want to let off some steam"

"Yeah, a different way though"

"Wow sounding like Mark so soon"

"Better than sounding like you"

He looks at me after dragging his head from the side of mine. He bends his head down and kisses me softly on the lips.

One kiss and I'm under.

I kiss back. It's a battle for power. Our way of letting off steam ... He holds me closer and pulls his fingers through hair, it hurts but if feels so good.

"I want you Nero"

"You always do when your coked off your face"

"You want me too when your in the same situation"

"I'm past that" I try to say in a full sentence while getting kissed and bit on the neck and slightly on the lips.

"You sure?"

I look down ... then back into his eyes.

"That's the look i have been looking for"

"What?" What look is he going on about?

"That look ... The look that shows you don't give a fuck ... That you want what you can't have but you can have it anyways because it's you ... and you fucking know it"

"Trent ..."

"What Kid?"

"Hit me with some"

He grabs my hair and pulls me back and kisses me deeply i can still taste the alcohol on his breathe ... Our kiss gets deeper and then suddenly a surge of pain shoots through my lower lip.

I can taste that iron taste run through my mouth. I yank my mouth away from his and glare at him.

I can feel the blood run down my lip over the wound and down to my chin. Before it can drop off Trent has his mouth on it licking up from my chin to my mouth.

The taste of blood running through our tongues feels amazing and he pulls me closer. As if he is feeding off the pain the taste and the knowledge of having another part of me with him.

I know this is just the drugs with him. He bites and is rough but never draws blood.

He pulls away and reaches into his back pocket. Out comes a little bag of white powder.

My mouth waters ... I can feel my bodies adrenaline kick in as i am so near the forbidden.

He opens the bag up and licks the tip of his index finger, he stares at me still while dipping it into the white drug and then places it near my lips. He gives me a questioning look as to make me give him the all clear.

I nod and he brushes the coke against my cut.

I hiss in pain and he places a kiss on my lips. Now letting the blood and coke mix into his mouth.

Rubbing the remainder into his gums he sways over to the table and lines are already set. The shimmer of the powder on the mirrored tile and the rolled up note beside it. It looks like a dream.

After taking back two lines each we stop and waited for the group to come back.

"You okay Nero"

"Fucking amazing"

His laughter filled the Smokey air "That's my kid"

I lean in to kiss him. Not remember the bite on my lip, i cry out ever so softly. He looks at me taking a drink and kisses me again. Not caring of the pain. The coke working through his body he moves his body on top of me and kisses me more.

See with me. Coke makes me forget the tame me. With both of us in the same drugged up state. The only thing we care about is trying to get power. We fight each other through kisses and trying to flip each other to the bottom. I lose as Trent is a lot bigger and stronger, He has my arms above my head and kissing me.

"I want to fuck you Nero"

I moan into his ear as his mouth is latched on to my neck.

After a few more minutes of pleasure, interruptions start as the band starts to come in.

"Whoa, Trent Jeff not on the couch" Adam joked

"Yeah come on Trent he's just a kid" Brad laughed

"Ha Ha guys I'm not a kid"

"And Nero ... You ain't sober"

"And your point is Brad?"

"Take a beer and shut it"

I look back at Trent and he smiles oddly enough.

He pulls me away from the conversations of the band and leads me to the edge of the balcony.

He puts his arms around me so my back is to his chest. he kisses my temple and looks down at me.

"Welcome back Nero"

"I don't know for how long"

"Your always welcome kid"

I smile up at him and kiss him softly

"And for the record ... Yeah i would save you, i would never let you fall. I would rather fall then let you get hurt"

"I know"

"To the edge or not am hear. Not fully ... Never can be ... But you know you will always have me"

"I know"

"But you belong to Chris and Chris belongs to you"

"Trent ... Don't"

"No! ... I'm saying my part now kid .. It may because of the drugs the truth is out but. I'm hear always. You need an escape. I will drop the guy I'm fucking for you. Your more important. But I'm not boyfriend material. You know that and i know that ... Right?"

"Yeah i guess ... But Chris isn't my Chris anymore"

"But you still fucking love him .. 'Cos you know damn fine well that he is that Chris he just freaked and never understood"

"Trent .. Don't fucking do this"

"You know I'm right"

"Yeah and it's pissing me off" I laugh .. I can't not.

"See i don't know if you and Chris will ever end up back together. But i know one thing ... Until then ... "

"Yeah?"

"... Am going to fuck your brains out every chance i get"

"And we have Trent back now"

"I am so tired"

"Yeah same here, it's gotta be the coke"

"Yeah ... By the way ... Bad boy for taking that" ... He says it with a smirk

"Well you are too then"

He pulls me over to a vacant couch and lay on it with me in his arms. I feel happy with him like this.

"Yeah i know I'm a bad boy ... And you fucking love it"

"Yup"

After that there was silence between the two of us. We were both falling asleep and i just had nothing left to say or it would ruin the moment.

I hate this ... I hate the pain he puts me through ... The light he gives me ... I came here ... There was no good day .. Nothing .. And its still not a good day ... It's ... And he is my escape.

Welcome back Jeff ... Welcome back ... Nero

* * *

Right okay this was really fun to write. I have been angry over the past few days and this helped it was rather dark i may say lol. But i love it.

One thing i want to point out .. Jeff is like a yo yo and because i have wrote about all of these guys for so long now it has became increasingly difficult to hate them lol ... But you know who he will end up with :P

I want to show Jeff going from dark to light ... happy to sad .. bad to good ... or even bad to worse. And i want to illustrate Trent as a fucker but still this amazing guy who you gotta love ... but even if you don't like the guy you know he does Jeff that tiny bit good. It's even a little confusion in my head so god help you guys :P

But yesh ... as you guys are so lovely i might be posting the next chapter sooner than i should :P but we will see where it goes.

And my last A/N is ... the "bands" who they were hanging out with .. i don't know i think i had in mind three days grace with Adam and Brad lol but i have been listing to them all through writing this :D ... and well Adam Gontier is just my god of lyrics lol .. the way he writes them the way he sings them .. Just makes so many emotions for me .. so blame the lyrics for the amount of emotion :P

Erm kids remember to READ AND REVIEW! ... Because if ya do i write more .. i write better .. and me loves you guys a lot more lol ... so READ AND REVIEW!!


	20. Chapter 20

ME LOVES YOU GUYS! ... Thank you for all the great reviews ... and 'cos you guys have been oooooooooh so nice .. here is the next chapter a bit earlier than it should :P ...but shhhh :D

So this one ... It's got a few bad subjects just like chapter 7 ... same subjects really ... but here we go for it lol.

Ooooo Btw! ... Just a note .. i read chapter 19 again ... and it seems to me that i have wrote three days grace in a bad way ... But they are great guys and drug free now :) .. so no bad things ... Just remember it's all fiction ... I just don't want anyone thinking bad about Adam Gontier :P

Anywhooooo ... ON WITH THE MADDNESS!!

* * *

JEFF'S POV

Jesus i can barely see anything, my eyes are shot to shit ... My balance isn't in it's prime nor is my speech when it comes to it. My head is killing me and it's getting light. the time been 7 in the morning ... Bad Bad move Jeff.

I stumble up the stairs to the next floor ... Note to self .. DON'T BE AN IDIOT!

I can barely make out the numbers on the door but recognize mine ... and slot the key card in and it was already open ...

...Well ... I'm screwed.

I stumbled in ... He knows i have been drinking, hopefully he doesn't know about the drugs .. but we can take a risk .. am to fucked to care.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh bed ... My friend ... STARFISH! ... ahhhh the reasons why queen size beds were made.

Just as i was falling off to sleep. I get a sharp yank up and i know I'm in for it.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Out to a party"

"What party?"

"Just some guys that i know"

"Yeah ... I don't even want to know what guys!"

"Good you ain't getting to know anyways"

"At least look at me when your mouthing off to me you little brat"

He grabs my left shoulder and pulls back spinning me round to face him. My head is down and with one finger he tips up my face to look at him in a not so nice manner.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"I got drunk"

"No you know what I'm talking about your lip"

Oh shit ... The cut ... damn it ... i touch it and hiss in pain ... Ahhh yeah .. Trent re-opened it less than an hour ago.

"What the hell did you do?"

"I can't remember"

"Ahhhh You can't remember but you can remember where your hotel is and everything ... How about you stop fucking lying and tell me the truth ... You get into a fight?"

"No i didn't get into a fight"

"Then how the hell did it happen?"

I can't tell him what really happened ... Ermm ... Shit ... One more lie wont kill me ... Will it?

"Just some guy"

"I thought you said you didn't get into a fight"

"He just went for me ... Got in a dig then ran"

"Bullshit Jeff ... Why would someone do that?"

"Try been openly gay ... Some people don't like it and take it into their own hands to make sure you know about it"

"Did you not do anything about it?"

"Mark a punch is a punch ... A kid kinda gets use to it over the years" Bitter ... Very bitter ... But it's true.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Mark come on ... I have been beat black and blue off some of the fuckers i have lived with to the point when i know step one is going on to step two. I came to knew where they liked to hit. I came to find great ways to hide ... You learn over the years ... And i have learnt if i only get one punch in one day then by fuck i'm lucky"

"Jeff ... It shouldn't be like that ... You are out of them places now ..."

"Yeah ... So?"

"You would never think i would?"

Shit ... He thinks ... That i think he would hit me ... What the fuck am i doing?

"No Mark ... I trust you with my life"

"Good"

"I'm just saying ... A punch is a punch. When someone hits you ... It's nothing. You learn to kill the pain. When they hit your cheek, eye, temple, head, arms, legs ... It's all dull pain you can just say fuck it. Nose, ribs, throat ... Things like that .. They sometimes sting or wind you and you get on with it ... Get up before they drag you up ... You learn never fight ... Or they will beat the fight out of you."

"I'm sorry"

"What the hell for?"

"Not been there sooner"

"Don't apologize ... You got me out of there ... You saved me ... Now i don't like talking about that part now can we please leave it ... that would be great"

"How much have you had to drink?"

"I don't know ... Too much?"

"You shouldn't be drinking"

"Why? I'm old enough ... I was never addicted to alcohol" ... Another sly hit .. but come on ... people bearly trust me to go out for a walk by myself ... Or have one drink ... Incase i get addicted.

"No but it dulls pain Jeff ... Legally"

"Who said i was in pain anymore?"

"Jeff ... Just with Chris and everything ... And not knowing what you want it's gott..."

"I know what i want ... And i caused my pain so you take the hit and move on ... Leave the pain behind and get back on the horse"

"Jeff ... Your doing it again"

"Doing what again Mark? ... Enlighten me"

"First your been a sarcastic fucker ... and secondly your blanking out all your pain again"

"What pain? ... There is no pain ... I'm pain free"

"Jeff ... Get some sleep and ill wake you up in a few hours to get breakfast"

"Oh no ... I want to hear the rest of this ... why am i in so much pain Mark .. please tell?"

"Jeff don't start this ... Go to bed"

"No what the hell is your problem Mark?"

"Kid chill the fuck out now go to sleep"

He goes to walk out the door and i grab him by the arm ... Second thought what the fuck am i doing? ... Why can't i stop this?

I pull him round ... well try ... i wouldn't be able to do this if i didn't catch him off guard.

"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!"

His eyes burnt holes into me.

He looked at me like i had just tried to shoot him from behind.

He walked towards me making me take steps back ... about 7 steps later i hit the wall and he stood there and towered over me.

Adam walked in near this time ... They must of had a gym session planned.

"You got a death wish boy?"

I stay silent ... I just keep looking him in the eye.

He laughs ... Why the hell is he laughing at a time like this.

"You know what ... After all these years i should know .. but you know what Jeff? ... I always give you the benefit of the doubt ... and still you fuck me over. I could blame the drink for you acting like a fucker ... but ... I think there is something more ... I hope to god that there isn't ... 'Cos if i find out that you are back doing the same shit .. you will be on your ass. Yeah you have been through shit .. but don't go taking it out on me ... It's the only reason i can think of for you been so dumb enough to test me this far"

"I'm ... Not ... On ... Anything" I said it slowly .. Why am i so angry?... it's the truth.

"Well then blame the alcohol"

...

"Mark?..."

He spins round on his heels and sees Adam.

"Oh hey Adz ... You ready to go?"

"Yeah am ready ... Lets go"

Mark then turns to me.

"I want to still be able to call you Jeff"

"What if i have become accustomed to Nero?" ... Why the fuck am i pushing him so far ... Do i want him to lash out at me?

He glares at me.

He looks hurt more than anything ... Why am i trying to hurt him?

"Then it will be Jeff/Nero who?"

"Whatever"

He looks one more time then walks out with Adam.

I go into the bathroom and look at the mirror ... Jesus i look like i have just died.

I flick on the light and see the dark circles around my eyes mixed with the eyeliner and eyeshadow i look like a zombie. I put my head on the edge of the bench and just look down into the sink ... I can't believe i feel like this again ... I look over at the line up of bottles on the counter and the pain pills stand out the most ... Two wont hurt.

I throw them back and swallow them like a pro ... Like i said ... Once you learn you never forget ... right?

I kick off my shoes after brushing my teeth and washing the makeup off ... still the black eyes are permanent.

I peel off my vest and throw it in the corner of the room ... I climb into bed and cover my head with another pillow then the sheets. I hate the light.

Under the sheets i feel safe. Like nothing can get to me. Like i don't have to answer to anyone. I just do my own thing. And even if i was in the middle of the ring and i had a sheet over my head still i would blank out the thousands of people on the outside.

I can't believe i was such a jerk you know? Like to Mark of all people. Why can't i be a fucker to Trent? He treats me like crap half the time ... But do i stay mad at him no ... Why?

_'Cos you idiot! You know Mark is always going to be here no matter how far you push him._

Yeah ... But it shouldn't be like that.

_Yeah ... We know that ... But at least you are safe ... Yelling at people has never been your game before .. You always got beat for doing it ... Even when you didn't do anything you would get beat._

Not off Mark though.

I pull the sheets from my head and stare at the wall in front of me ...

I can't be talking to myself

... I walk on to the balcony and look over the edge.

Jesus ... A good jump down.

_Standing on the edge again Jeff?_

Dammit!

_You know you want to ... You want to feel the wind roll through your hair ... Feel the sun beat off you face ... Feel the freedom that only you can grant yourself._

I look over the edge ...

Why does it entice me?

... No! ... I want to live to see tomorrow.

_What pain? ... Hurt? ... Dirty looks? ... More arguments? ... More hate? ... The list goes on ... Why?... No time like the present ... Right?_

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I rip my eyes harshly away from the edge of the balcony and shut the door and lock it. I don't want to be anywhere near it ... I close the curtains just so i don't have to see it.

Again i go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror ... I just want answers.

My eyes show nothing ... i keep staring so it seems as though I'm looking at just an inanimate object. No life just there.

I look towards the edge of the counter and see my razor ...Why the fuck is every thing so god damn tempting? ... I don't have that need yet ... Like the one that there is so much pressure on you and that the only way you can see it stopping is if you cut ... To where it's the only thing on your mind.

It's when you know ... Not feel, but know you need to do it ... Just to let go of some emotion or even some anger ... You just need to stop the pain by creating something new .. Or do something so that your mind is on cutting not the real pain your masking.

I flick the blade through my fingers, i know them inside out ... Too much history with them to be called natural.

I drop it onto the side and grab the pills.

Better than scars right? ... This way they wont notice ... But it will kill some pain.

I swallow 4 more and go to bed before they kick in.

I can feel my eyes start to glaze over and the numb tingle go from point to point in my body. Taking me away from reality for a some what short period of time ... I lay there and let my mind drift and take me from a relaxed point of conscious to sleep taking over my body.

I just want the pain to stop ... No one else knows about the pain ... So i have to get rid of it somehow ... I'm just working on it i guess ... Slowly but surely.

_Yeah ... Slowly but surely ... Slow and steady also wins the race Nero._

* * *

Ooooo ... The little voice in italics :P .. EVIL SIDE OF JEFFY ! Lmao

Okay ... For me this chapter sucked! lol

I'm soooo sorry it's late it's just that i have been ill and i also want to say sorry for not alot of Chris but there will be a lot of Chris coming soon ... He's to damn lovable to stay away from :P

But Yeah next chapter will be a lot better me hopes lol :D

Just READ AND REVIEW! if ya loves me :P

x Much Luv x R+R


	21. Chapter 21

Sorry for no update lately apart from like 1 or 2 reviews i got nothing lol ... So i was just thinking do i continue the fic or not ... I think i will because it's not fair on my readers lol ...But i did have my doubts ... No reviews do this to me :P

But either way I'm in a good mind set at the moment so we shall see what i can pull out the bag. :D

Not much to say ... JUST read and review !!1 Please it keeps me going ... Like seeing what i do right what i do wrong ... Everything :)

So ON WITH THE MADDNESS! Ps ... May be a bit confusing ...but it will all be understood through out lol

* * *

CHRIS' POV

Mmmmm ... this is nice.

I can feel the heat radiating off of him. his body pressed up against mine. His back to my chest.

I like having my arms around him. He is so cute when he sleeps.

I love the way his hair falls in front of his eyes when he moves and struggles in his sleep. My left arm is in cramp 'cos of it been around him all night. But i wouldn't change it.

It was so sweet last night ... Finally we got to have another moment together. Him under me and me kissing him, he took my breath away. His grin and his eyes. All night it happened and now I'm just waiting for him to wake up. I just smile ... I hope things go well from now on.

JEFF'S POV

I can feel his arms rapped around me. I feel so safe when I'm in his arms. I love them ... His arms are not huge but bigger than mine and they are lightly tanned and just so soft. I love the way his chest rises and falls so i can feel it on my back, I can feel him stir slightly, but i don't want to open my eyes. I just want to take in this moment. I love them. Just when i know things are ... well ... Perfect.

He is my perfection. I love waking up and turning round and seeing his clear blue eyes, then feel his lips crash down on to mine and we kiss. Soft and sweet.

CHRIS' POV

I feel him stir awake. He always sleeps later than me. I let my grip loosen slightly so he can move. He opens his amazing eyes and turns round. He buries his head into my chest and goes back to sleep. Damn ... He must be tired. I can't wait to kiss them lips and hopefully feel that light feeling again.

JEFF'S POV

I open my eyes slightly and feel this pressure on me. It loosens up as i turn my body round. The once warm spot on the bed is shifted to cold as the sheets move. I turn round and finally open my eyes fully. I look up.

...

Damn ... I look around the room and feel my heart start to pound.

FUCK!!

I roll over to the cold side of the bed and reach for my phone. Seven in the morning ... Great!

I sit up fully and look around the light barely shining through the curtains. I can feel tears prick up in the corner of my eyes. I hate them dreams.

I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so warm, so happy and free in life to waking up in darkness and alone. I pull my knees up to my chest and hold them close to me with my arms rapped around them. I bury my face into them and try to keep the tears from breaking free ... Once they start they never stop.

CHRIS' POV

He finally looks up at me and i can see his dark brown eyes stare up at me.

"Hey" I speak to him

"Morning"

"Kyle you do realize you sleep waaaay to long for a normal human" I joked

"Shut up Chris, I need my beauty sleep"

"Well it looks like you have had enough"

He laughs and kisses me.

"Come on lets get up and get ready"

"Okay babe"

JEFF'S POV

I slowly moved myself to get dressed today. I woke up alone and with a huge hangover and slight come down.

Last night was killer. Me and a few guys went to another party and stayed out till an idiot time. I can't even remember what happened. It was just another party i guess. Nothing different.

Mark woke me up from his room. We have stopped sharing now. Me coming in at stupid times and stuff ... He needs his sleep and i thought it was unfair on him ... So i said i would get my own room.

I'm just having some coffee trying to wake up while everyone is chatting and eating over the huge breakfast.

"Jeffy ... So what did you get up to last night?" Adam said trying to get my into the conversation.

"Party ... Again didn't get much sleep and i feel like hell"

"You should cut down on them then Hardy"

"Get real Copeland" We laugh at the exchange of last names and smile. He is like the only one who doesn't get on my back for the partys ... It's great.

"So what are we kid's up to today?"

"Well we have to be at the arena for say two right Mark?"

"Yeah Paul ... So how 'bout ... We all hit the gym after this and then drive down to the arena ... Chill out then after the show we can go out get something to eat?"

"Yeah sounds cool!"

"We will have to book up probables 'cos of the size of the group"

"Say ... Eleven? Okay with everyone?"

A wave of yea's, yes' and okay's came from round the table"

"So ... How many is there altogether?"

... "How many altogether what?"

My heart starts to race as i look up from my coffee after hearing his voice. I can feel the colour drain out of my face.

"Hi Chris, Hi Kyle" Mark knows it's name.

"Hey" Both speak.

That thing has a name. That thing ... Which is holding hands with Chris.

Why? ... Why are they holding hands? ... Why are people been nice to it?

I can feel the coffee i have just drank start to rise up slowly.

I stare up at both of them, barely blinking with a look of shock on my face. So many questions ... But can i ask any of them ... No!

"We are going out for a meal after the show ... Like say 15 of us including you guys ... You coming?"

"Yeah that sounds great ... You okay with that Kyle?"

"Yeah sounds great babe"

Babe? What the hell?

I can feel my breathing changing with my heart going faster ... I feel my lungs tighten and my eyes start to sting. Chris can't have moved on ... It's just ...

I feel a kick to my leg and look to my left.

It was Adam and he mouths "Are you okay?" With a slight shake of the head.

I nod in return and try to go back to drinking my coffee.

Damn ... They are sitting down. If i found out who has invited them to do so i will kill them.

I keep silent for the next 10 minutes of conversation as everyone catches up. I'm just trying to stop myself from screaming my lungs out.

After several discussions and laughs Chris gets up.

"Okay babe. I'll go get some coffee for us okay?"

"Thanks hun"

Then it's like time stopped and slowly a knife went through ever place in my chest.

... He kissed him.

My eyes start to water and i start to shake slightly. Adam see's my panic and his hand rests softly on my thigh. Giving a reassuring touch. He looks at me with a sympathetic look.

"So how long have you and him been together? You guys look really happy"

"We have been together for about two weeks now, though we have kept it very quiet, and thank you we are, he is amazing ... I'm so lucky"

"Yeah you two look good together"

Conversations kept going as Chris was getting coffee and other items to eat from the buffet breakfast.

"So yeah last night we made it official we are together and now we are just seeing how it goes" It said with a smiley face.

Official ... My head starts to pound knowing what "Official" really means

I could feel the alcohol, the coffee ... the take-away food we had last night all rise up ... The thought of Chris been with someone else makes me physically sick.

"Adam ... I'm going to the bathroom ... 'Kay?" I said so that only he could hear.

"Yeah no problem Kid"

I got up and took a speedy walk to the bathroom. I could see odd looks coming towards me form the others. But i just kept moving as i heard Adam explain.

I pushed open the bathroom door and ran for the nearest stall. Emptying my stomach of mostly fluid i retched and my head span.

The smell of alcohol and coffee made me feel even worse still.

I finally let the tears run down from my eyes, over my face as i kept thinking about ... Chris and ... That ... that thing.

"Jeffy"

I couldn't reply as i just kept vomiting

"Jeffy Kidd open up"

I turn my head from the toilet and open the door as i move my body so he could step in as i keep vomiting.

"Jesus Christ Kid ... I saw you out there you did well for keeping it together that long"

"It just hurt so much, it never really occurred to me that Chris would end up with someone else somewhere down the line ... I just always had hope you know"

"Yeah Kid, Come on it's going to be cool"

"Adam ... How the hell can you say that? ... Everyone knows it's not going to be ... I fucked up ... I have lost him ... And now he is going out with that ... That thing out there"

"It is going to get better Jeff ... He has someone you could get someone too ... Trent?"

"Ha ... Yeah that would be the day ... Trent ... Having a boyfriend? ... Trent doesn't do boyfriends, he does fucks ... and thats it ... We tried the whole boyfriends thing when we were younger and the shit hit the fan then ... It will never be different."

"Okay not Trent ... Someone then Jeff"

"I want Chris!"

"Yeah well you fucked him over though didn't you so pick yourself up and get a spine and get on with your life"

I look at Adam in horror. He was the only one who ever understood ... and now ... he's just like the rest ... No one understands.

I push past him to get out of the stall, he keeps trying to hold me back but i whip my body round and hit the side of the wall with my hand. I whimper in pain but carry on through it. I force my body through the smaller gap and head for the door.

Pulling back on the handle to run up to my room. Adams hand slams it shut.

"Jeffy..."

"Let me go Adam, your just like the rest no one cares"

"I do ... Just ... Jeff look, You have to pick yourself up. Things have to get worse to get better remember that kiddo"

"How worse?"

"We shall see ... You have gotten past the hard bit ... Seeing him with someone else ... It can't be anymore difficult kid"

"I know ... I just ... I wish i didn't fuck up everything"

"Don't blame it all on you ... So many do ... but he was at fault too remember?"

I look at him with a different emotion ... Shock ...

"How?"

"You are really confused aren't you?"

"Hence the dumb look and the non rhetorical question ... One would assume lacking knowledge of said subject"

"Okay smart ass cool it"

"Well don't ask stupid question's"

"ANYWAYS! ...Yeah you aren't to blame for it all ... He should have talked to you ... Not blanked it out and freaked ... You didn't so why should he"

"Thanks Adz"

"Now come on lets wash up ... Go back out, go to the gym, get through the show, then through the meal, then to bed ... Simple"

"Not as simple as it sounds ... While doing all of that i have to see Chris and that fuckin' thing!"

"That thing has a name ... Kyle"

"Yeah well until he backs off ... I will refer to it as thing"

Ahhhh Adam has been spending to much time with Mark ... He is getting the same angry stare that is used towards me ... I'll have to tell him to go meet new people.

"Hey ... that is the best you are going to get out of me Adz"

"Okay okay ... Come on get your ass through the door!"

After a nice push from Adam i walk ungracefully through the door.

...

Lets list shall we ... I want to find out what has been the most painful thing through out the pain filled day.

Getting pushed out of a door by Adam.

Getting pushed so far in the gym that i wanted to cry.

Going through more training when we got to the arena.

Going through a great match but taking such a bump i can barely move.

Going to a meal with 14 other people when you want to be alone.

Having to eat when you don't want to.

Or ... Having to watch Chris and that thing kiss over and over again ... Having to watch them hold hands ... Touch and be together.

Well in my view ... Number six was more painful then all of them put together ... Now the pain is still prolonging as i am having to sit here trying not to vomit for the forth time today thanks to ... It.

...

About a half hour has passed and i feel like death. I need to get out of here as soon as possible. Just go back to the hotel and write ... Blast music ... Something to get my mind off of them two.

"So what's everyone getting up to after this?"

"Not sure, maybe go out to a club dance and drink like idiots and then talk all night wake up with a huge hangover" Chris laughed

... What?

Club ... Then talk all night? ... That's what we use to do.

Now i know what it feels like when your heart stops, then starts again. It hurts.

I can feel the colour drain from my face and feel the small amount of food that has just been eaten rise back up.

My eyes again start to sting but i know if i don't get out of here soon i wont stop them weather i want to or not. Everything that has happened i can stop the tears but not that. That's what we use to do ... Stay up and just talk ... Hold each other ... Fuck! ... I have to get out now.

...

"You not hungry kid?"

"Not so much Mark ... I feel like hell"

"You have to eat something Jeff"

"I have"

"Not much"

"I know that ... Just off the bump and stuff ... I'm just in pain"

"Yeah true you don't look to hot kid"

"Can i go back to the hotel while you guys finish up here? ... i don't think i can stand the smell of desert"

I feel another kick to my leg today ... Off the same person. His worried eyes question mine as they meet. I nod and smile slightly. I know he knows I'm not okay ... But it's all i can do. Just smile and say it's okay. He knows why I'm so hurt ... He knows about what me and Chris always did ... Everyone did i think. But only Adam knew how special it was for me.

"Yeah, go and try and get some sleep ... i wont both you when we get in, I'll wake you in the morning okay?"

"Yeah thanks Uncle Mark, I'm just going to get a taxi"

"Okay cool ... Night love you kid"

"Love you too Uncle Mark"

Goodbyes were said and hugs were given. I just had to go before that thing talked me to or touched me. I couldn't face looking Chris in the eye. I know the minute i latch on to them blue orbs. The minute i feel them hitting me i would break. He can do that to me, I can b so strong with everyone not break even under interrogation but the minute he looks at me, the minute he smiles ... He captures my heart.

I move as fast as i can out of the restaurant and hail a cab.

My heart's racing and my whole body's shaking. Chris is over me. He left and i just feel drained.

I feel trapt in this horrible cab, the cab driver giving me a funny look asking me where I'm headed. I say the Hilton and the drive continues.

I will never feel him hold me again. He wont wrap his arms around me anymore and i wont wake up to him looking at me with his clear eyes. I wont get to feel him inside me, pushing all of my buttons ... Making me feel like no one has before. Making me feel so many emotions through one action. I wont be able to get rat assed and be able to talk to Chris about it. I wont feel his warmth next to me. His sweat drenched body clinging to mine, pressing against me after we have just had the most explosive burst of passion and love and devotion.

I can feel the tears role down my cheeks ... Thinking and knowing all the things that i will never have again.

My body racks with sobs as i bend over trying 2 catch my breath ... I can't let the air in my lungs knowing it's just another breath without him beside me. I clutch onto my hoodie and wrap my arms around my self trying to hold onto the last thing i know of him.

I try to open my eyes but my vision is blurry as more tears come from my eyes silently.

I keep thinking as i try to look out the window which is covered in rain drops

Fuck ... I will never feel his kiss again ... Never feel his soft lips next to mine ... Pressing so softly i can barely feel it. I will never feel his hot breath rub past my cheek in such a fury, just to taste each other again. I will never lose the feeling in my finger tips again because of lack of oxygen. He takes my breath away ... I will never feel his love for me again ... I'll never have him again.

I feel the taxi come to a stop and pay the guy and run for the hotel as the rain has gotten heavier.

I run for my door. The safety behind the wooden frame is almost too good to keep away from me for another second. I search my pockets rapidly and realize Matt has my key as he was last in my room.

FUCK! ... What the hell can i do? .. I can't ask the desk they already have given the spare to Mark.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck!

I rest against the wall and slide down crying again. Like i said once they start they don't stop.

I can't deal with this anymore ... This pain ... I need to take it away ... I need it to stop.

JUST FUCKING STOP!! ... PLEASE! ... PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! ... Please ... Any one ... I can't break anymore.

I pull my phone out of my hoodie pocket and dial a number i ring when i need the pain to stop.

I look at Chris' number and feel my body start to shake with pain. I press the 8 button and get to the T's ... I search through for Trent and ring.

Letting it ring and hearing that annoying sound it goes to the even more annoying voice mail.

I hang up and keep trying. My eyes blurry i hit the call button one more time.

I hear the annoying sound stop and hear the voice that heals me ever so slightly.

"N?"

I can't speak i know i need him ... But all i can do is cry.

"Nero?"

...

"NERO?! WHAT'S WRONG?"

"Trent ..." I can barely speak.

"Kid come on what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Trent ... I need you" My voice breaks with tears and sorrow.

"Where are you?"

"The Hilton ... The same city as you ... I checked your tour dates"

"Right I'll be there in 10 minutes kid"

"Trent ... I can't take it anymore"

"I'll be right there Nero hold on"

"Hurry"

"I will Kid ... Bye"

I hang up the phone and run for the front door.

I sit down pressed against the wall letting the rain drench my being. I see his car speed up and pull up outside the hotel ... He gets out the car and runs towards me.

I stand up and run into his embrace.

For the first time that night i let my tears be heard and let all of my emotions go and breakdown in his arms.

"I've lost him"

"Come here Kid" His embrace tightens around me as if he is trying to protect me.

He knows what I'm on about he understands in three words.

"I want the pain to go away Trent"

"I know Nero and it will in time"

"Just please take me somewhere. Help me"

"Anything you need Nero"

I am suddenly great full that Trent has a bigger frame than i do as he is supporting all of my weight. I slowly calm my breathing and wipe my face on his t-shirt.

I look up at him and he looks back down.

"I'm here"

"I know you are"

"Always will be Kid"

He pulls me back into a hug letting the rain hit us. Both drenched and cold ... Thats the least of our problems. He just stands and holds me.

* * *

Well that was really really really fun to write at the end lol ... I have been down lately ...so it's good to be able to throw it into writing lol ... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !!1 READ AND REVIEW!

They honestly keep me going and make me smile and help keep me motivated to bring you another good chapter :D

Without them i really don't feel i live up to what i can ... But if you guys help ... i can :) x MUCH LUV x

READ AND REVIEW!!


	22. Chapter 22

OMG I AM SOOOO SORRY!

I am so sorry at the time it has take me to update this evil thing! I love it don't get me wrong but I just hate that it has taken me this long to get chapter 22 out my head an on to paper. I have had over 10 tries of doing so and I have came up with 5 one shots. 3 sucking and the other two have been posted so check them out!

But again I am so sorry ... I have just had so much writers block but no it's shifting and I'm ready to give you guys something ... Hopefully good. Plus my pc is ruined ... I still have to wait and see if all of my writing is lost or not but at the moment I am using a sucky pc which I hate :(

Seriously if you want to shout at me for updating late care to do so ... I deserve it!! But here is the evil chapter as I like to call it lol.

* * *

ON WITH THE MADDNESS!

Still we stand here holding each other it's all we can do. I can't move because I know when I do it will show a little bit more of a reality to me. When I'm in Trent's arms I feel safe and in a dream slightly ... I feel like he is a little piece of me. I little bit of my home.

He doesn't move. He knows he should move when I give him the indication to move. He understands that sometimes I need to be held all the time. No talking no sorting things out just held. Mark can do that, Matt can, Trent can and a few others ... But Trent understands it fully.

"What are we going to next Nero?" He asks me.

My head is buried into his chest and his arms are wrapped round me. One round my shoulders and the other around my head slightly guarding me from the rain. He still doesn't move he just says it a little louder and waits for me to answer.

"I don't know ... Just go somewhere ... anywhere ... I just need to feel free."

"Mmmm ... What do you mean?"

"Like free forget all the stuff that has happened today .. Forget everything from family to friends just chill out and run"

"Mmm, I know a place"

"No drugs Trent ... I'm fucked enough off today I can't take anything tonight or I wont stop"

"No seriously ... No drugs ... Just a small quiet place, which I found while cruise'n last night"

"No drugs?"

"Non"

"Cool"

"Okay lets go"

"Not yet ... I just want to stand here for another minute"

"Okay kid"

I stand on my tiptoes and hug him just so my head sits on his shoulder.

"Thank you"

"It's no problem kid. No need for thanks I like been able to do this. It means you trust me and I feel good about that. I missed all those years that we never saw each other."

"Yeah me too"

A car pulls into the parking lot with it's lights on a high setting. I pull back and turn my head into Trent's neck to stop the blinding sight. The lights park and then turn off, Stepping out the car was a large frame and a slightly smaller guy but still a huge size.

The street lamps hit the arms of the two unknown characters one tattooed and the other not tattoed but still equally as scary.

"Shit!"

"What?" he pulled back and looked at me with concern

"Mark!"

"What?"

"Mark is..."

Before I could finish my sentence Mark came up to where Trent's back was towards him and yanked his shoulder to turn him round to face the one and only Deadman!

"Mark!" It's all I can say ... I am in so much shit.

"Hi ... Hi Jeff ... Hi Trent ... WOW ... You know I really have lost count of how many years I have been waiting for this moment"

"Ahhh Mark my most favourite person in the world"

"Funny Trent real funny ... Now what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Here to see my most favourite person in the world Nero"

"His name is Jeff"

"Technically it's Jeffrey Nero Hardy ... Which in several different cases I can call him .. Jeffrey, Jeffy, Jeff, Nero, Jeffrey Nero ... You see where am going with this?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I think I'm Trent ... A big fuck off rockstar who is amazing"

"Wrong answer"

"Oh and how is that Mark?"

"See the Trent I know is the Trent who put my kid in rehab, Trent is the guy who nearly killed my kid, Trent is the one who I have cleaned up blood sweat and tears because of. Because of the Trent I know I have had to pull needles out of my kid's arm because he introduced a 17 year old to drugs. Trent is the idiot who fucked off and left my kid in a state of depression and that lead him to nearly killing him..."

"MARK!" He just told him everything I never wanted him to know.

"What Jeff he is never there to see the tears!"

"Yeah he is! ... I rang him when I needed him most because I trust him and he was the one who held me and he is there for everything."

"Okay good for Trent! ... Now who or what were you crying about? ... Or was this all a plan to see Trent?"

"I was upset because of it who was next to Chris!"

"Yeah exactly ... He is there to mop up the tears of other people ... But he has never seen the state he has had you in when you have came back home or heard he fucked someone else or just him fuckin' you around."

I just look at him I know he's right ... Trent has had me in horrible states and everything he has said is true ... Trent is a jackass ... He is ... But I still care. He never has seen the tears I have cried it's always Mark or Matt or one of the other guys or even Chris who has picked me up after what he had done to me.

"So Mark he is making up for it now plus he had a good reason for leaving"

"Oh yeah leave an impressionable kid who you know is in love with you who you know you have wrapped round your little finger , smart move ... Honourable when you think of it that way"

"Oh Mark stop taking it out on the kid would you. You have tried for years to keep us apart. From the time he first came home and said the name Trent you knew I had him. Yo..."

"He isn't a possession you know?"

"Oh I know ... All i'm saying is that you know in you head that the minute he was with me in my gang at the age of 16 hanging with 20 year-olds you knew that you could never keep us away. I wanted him and he wanted me even with the age gap of what 6 years? ... Why are you still trying to keep us apart ... After everything we have been through together why?"

"Because, you have ruined his life you made him sink to the lowest part of his life and then just as he was getting back on track getting things in life sorted you came back onto the scene. Do you want to make his life a living hell ... Is that you goal in life?"

"Oh yeah Mark ... That is my goal in life is to destroy the only person I care for in life"

"Like fuck Trent ... You don't give a shit about anyone bar yourself and the people you fuck!"

"Well then there you go I care for Jeff don't I ... I would say I care for him an awful lot .. Say a week ago"

"You fuckin' prick"

I have always seen Mark in the ring get angry, weather it be set with a storyline or real with some cocky kid and Mark has to give them a stiff shot, what ever it is I have seen it. However I have never seen Mark go for someone out of the ring, I have seen him slap someone or give them a fun quick dig but never ready to kill someone. Many would think Mark Calaway would live up to his Bad Ass Deadman persona that his lives in the ring but they would be wrong. He is very calm and would always talk instead of violence. Yet with Trent it seems as though that rationality in Uncle Mark got shot out the window. He lunged towards Trent with his whole body.

See if it was me getting a 6 foot 10 nearly 300 pound guy coming towards me I would do one of two things run or scream or if I'm lucky both. Trent on the other hand stood there ready to take on my uncle. Thank god Paul was there because if it was anyone else they wouldn't of been able to hold him back.

"Chill there Marky, only havin' a joke with ya"

"Stay the fuck away from him"

"No I fuckin' wont you couldn't stop me then you wont stop me now."

"HOLD UP!"

Both arguing guys stop and look at me. It annoys the hell out of me when people try to make decisions for me.

"How about I get a say in this!"

"You will Jeff, but please let me say the things I have been wanting to say since you were 16 to the fucker."

I should at least give him that I guess, I have put him through a lot and he never does have a say.

"Say it then"

Turning to Trent I see the real Deadman in him.

"You are a fucking manipulative mother fucker. All you care about is you, when you hurt Jeff over and over again when you were in a relationship with him or not you never gave a shit, you would just go out and fuck who ever and where ever. The thought never came to you did it? The thought of Jeff finding out. When his life revolved around you. When he would wake up check his phone for messages even after all them years of you not coming back. He would wake up check his phone, he would go to school and just not listen, then he would go home and up to his room blasting music of hate, depression and death, everything he felt towards some ass hole who consumed him. After all of them fucking years he had hope in you, he still always thought you were a good person ... He thought you could do anything ... YET HE FUCKING DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH HOPE AND BELIFE IN HIMSELF TO CARRY ON IN LIFE! He stopped living he lived on auto pilot. He wouldn't eat because he thought you left 'cos he was too fat, he did more drugs to numb the pain, he grew up way to fast and fucked anyone 'cos he thought you left him for not having enough experience! After everything you think hate would grow in him. You would think that he would have some sort of vendetta against you but no all he did was welcome you with open arms and he was under again! HE FUCKING LOVED YOU! AND YOU NEVER GAVE A SHIT! THAT IS WHY I HATE YOU! THAT IS WHY I WANT YOU OUT OF MY KIDS LIFE!"

"You want me out of Nero's life?"

"Yup ... For good!"

"And if I don't ... If I keep seeing him without you permission"

"You will have to wait and see, take the risk if you want"

"Mmmhmm"

"But think about it ... If you cared for Jeff in the least you would take yourself out of equation ... You would step back and let him make his own way in life, forgetting about you and everything you have had, forget about the pain and let him finally get back on track. No temptation, no games ... just let him move on without the thought and hope you will be there or might return"

"NO! TRENT DON'T!"

"Is that what you want Mark for me to go .. Fully, then will you be happy?"

"Yeah"

"No stop!"

"Yeah okay"

"NO!"

Their argument goes above my pleas and I go unnoticed and pushed aside.

"Okay?"

"Okay ... Am gone, am out of Nero's life for ever"

"NOOOOO!"

He can't he can't just leave ... He can't just leave me again not when I need him here with me.

"TRENT DON'T GO"

"You live you life and you stay on track forget about me and everything we have went through"

"TRENT NO!"

"Nero ... You have so much going don't fuck it up with me, what can I do, take you to a secret place and that's it"

"ALL I WANT IS THAT SECRET PLACE!"

"I'll show you another time kiddo, or in the mean time ... Keep it in your dreams"

He turns his back and gets into the car, I run to catch up with him as he reverses out and then puts it into gear.

Paul grabs me by my waist and holds me back as another part of me gets ripped out. I squirm out of Paul's grasp and run however Mark catches up with me. I throat feels like it's on fire with the screaming, my head is pounding off the shouting Trent's name over and over again. Marks strong arms stay around my waist as I watch Trent drive off , knowing things will never be the same again. I continue to try and get out of Marks reach.

Anger and hate rise up in me, I know it's directed at the wrong person and I will regret it but I turn round and slap my uncle ... One of the only people who has ever stuck with me all of the way through the ups and downs and I literally slap him in the face ... He had it coming ... How could he?

He looks at me in shock and I scream ... No words just scream, breaking down in front of him letting out months of aggression on to him.

"I HATE YOU!!"

Everything slows down and it's one of them moments where you wish and hope to god that you can rewind everything that just came spewing out of your mouth. I wish I just kept it to myself, I do I feel this hate towards him for controlling me. He ripped out part of me ... How can I not feel hate towards him.

He just looks at me and I can feel the tears drip of my cheeks. The warm tears a total opposite compared to the cold raindrops hitting us. I stare him back out and then turn my back. After what I have just said I just want to get away from him. I do ... I do hate him ... No matter how much I love him .. I do I really hate him for what he has done. I hate what he has done but more so I begged and pleaded him to stop and he didn't give a shit ... I just ... Hate him.

"Here's your key card" His hand is out stretched holding the thin piece of plastic and he is looking down. I know what I said must have hit him hard, even Paul isn't saying anything which is odd.

I take the key keeping my eyes on the ground I mutter a "thanks" and then run to my room.

What?

What the hell ... I can't do this ... The minute I open this door it will all be different ... No Chris ... Now no Mark or Matt ... Even more so ... No Trent.

I stare at the door and contemplate running away from the place, but I know that would just make it worse ... Feeling the fear build up would just be worse.

I finally decide to open the door and slide the card out and see the mess of the room. It's all the same.

I feel this overwhelming feeling that I am totally alone.

Chris

Matt

Mark

Trent ... Now who do I have to call ... To hold me when all I need to do is cry and feel all alone. Now what ...

The only slight bit of light to illuminate the dark room is from the crack in the curtains. I hate it ... I hate the dark ... I love it if I am close to someone ... Their arms wrapped around me but I hate it when I'm alone. It makes me feel a lot more alone. Like the walls are closing in and the darkness consumes you. It's like it eats away at you layer by layer. It fists attacks you sight, it makes it hard to see and then you are on more of an alert. Then it feels like it pulses through your skin. Slowly creeping up from your finger tips, through your arm, then to your shoulder and into you imagination. When it's horrible feel tightens it's grip round you and it squeezes all life left in you. Your blood runs cold, your mind goes blank and then your lungs tighten.

Lungs tighten?

FUCK!

I feel myself slowly lose sight of what in front of me and I turn on the light as fast as I can. No one is here. I feel my hands start to tighten round each other. Fuck ... The thought of panicking all alone goes through me and I feel the darkness crash down on me. My hand loosens it's grip as I lean to the wall and then grasp the door handle. I let my body take me into the bathroom and I flick on the light. I look into the huge mirror and see a wreck. Panic hits me more knowing that it's me who looks so bad. The heat of the room is making my head spin but the coldness of the wet clothes make s a sicking feeling rise.

I take off my T-shirt and throw it into the bath I wrap a towel round me and sit on the edge of the bath. I kick off my shoes and wiggle out of my baggy jeans and boxers. I find a pair of shorts from a few nights ago lying in the bathroom ... Clean or not is the least of my problems right now. I wrap the towel round my shoulders and then tilt my head forward so I can dry my hair. After taking most of the damp from my hair I pull my head back and remove the towel from my face.

Wow ... I look up close into the mirror and see how I really look.

I look dead ...

Fuck this shit!

I need something ... Something to fix it! ... I look over and see what taunts me more than anything. The bottle sitting in the corner next to my toothbrush aftershave hair dye among other things. I grab it and not bother reading the label. It always says the same deal.

"Don't exceed over recommended dosage"

I grab 5 and swallow them like a pro ... It's a talent I guess.

Fuck ... Why isn't this working!

_Give it time Jeff ... It's only been like a minute._

I NEED MORE!

_Let them take affect._

They dull the physical pain ... Never the mental.

I pull my hand back and punch into the counter top. I feel the physical pain shoot through my arm and into my shoulder, but slowly feel the mental pain die down.

_IS THAT IT? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN TAKE?_

DAMMIT!

I turn to the one thing that I have kept away from, I can feel my eyes glaze slightly knowing of what is to come. I pick up the art form and slowly graze my finger against the smooth edge.

"Fuck!" My mouth waters because of it.

I see the blood drip from my finger, ever so slowly ... Painfully slow ... It opens the wound ever so slowly and little by little the crimson colour bleeds out and shows a beautiful shade and brightens my day and lightens the load.

I drag my finger across it again and hiss in pain. I love the feel ... It feels like your ready to explode then one swipe and it lowers everything you feel, emotions, hurt, hate ... Love.

I place the stationary in my left hand and start to lightly trace over the patterns over my right arm. No pressure, just knowing my brush can follow the paint makes me smile.

I slowly switch hands and then lightly drag it over old scars and wounds.

I hear the faint vibrations of my phone then the loud ring tone coming from my disgruntled jeans.

Perfect fucking timing.

"WHAT?" A nice way to answer the phone who ever is on the other end ... I never check.

"And a hi to you too jackass"

"What do you want?"

"To see you"

"Fuck you"

I slam down the phone. What a fucking nerve!

I hear the annoying ringing again and ignore it, it soon stops and quiet fills the bathroom I'm in

...Thank you.

I pick up the blade and wipe it on my jeans, just cleaning the second side I hear the phone ring again. I reach for my phone again and I just need him to stop.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"

"HOW LONG HAVE WE KNOWN EACH OTHER?"

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"How long?"

"About 8 years give or take a few."

"Yeah and how many times have I listened to people saying stay away?"

"... Erm"

"Come on Nero ... Get real"

"Yeah ... and your point is?"

"My point is ... Is well ... I'm here ... When have I ever listened to anyone who says stay away from you? You know I care"

"Yeah, but not acknowledging the fact that I was crying so much, I needed you ... I care for you so much and you shoved that in my face. You didn't just break everything you believe in .. You broke it in front of me ... You gave in ... You said fuck it and just left me there screaming ... How could you?"

"I'm sorry Nero"

"Just leave me alone ... Please"

"Is that what you want?"

"No ... If your going to leave then leave don't hurt me any more than you have to. You may get a kick out of it but I don't!"

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I GET A KICK OUT OF HURTING SOMEONE I LOVE!?"

"... What?"

"You heard" Awwww he seems totally flushed and embarrassed!

"Why did you say that?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"After 8 years give or take a few ... The yeah am pretty sure you do"

"Okay Mr. Sarcastic! ... My reason is ... It's about damn time"

"Come again?"

"It's about time you knew"

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"All the fucking time I can't even get ..." I choke ... I feel overwhelmed and tears fall.

"Come on Nero talk to me"

"I hate this ... I hate how you can almost kill me ... Then the next you are saving me"

"What are you talking about?!"

"NOW!"

"NERO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ... DO YOU NEED ME?"

"No ... Listen to me ... You nearly kill me ... Then you save me ... Nearly ... But now you saved me."

"I'm so sorry Nero"

"I know you are ... So am i"

"You have nothing to be sorry about"

"Yeah I do ... I'm sorry for getting you into these messes like for the past god know how many years of your life"

"Babe ... I would rather have Mark on my case 24/7 and still have you with me ... Then not having Mark on my case and not having you here"

"Sometimes it seems better that way though wouldn't it?"

"How's that work out? ... No Nero with me ... We would suck at been a couple but Nero having you with me through everything weather it's sex, talking, coming to each others rescues, or just not saying anything a smirking ... which you hate by the way is my way to live and if you weren't there I wouldn't be here talking to you."

"I know"

"So now look ... I want to see you soon ... Mostly 'cos I wanna fuck your brains out is the best term I can think of right about now, and I want to piss off Mark"

"You are one odd person"

"How?"

"Wanting to actually piss off Mark. You either got a death wish or just dumb ... I'll take the latter"

"Smart ass"

"Yup"

"You okay?"

"I'm getting there ... I'll be cool"

"Good to know babe, look try and get some sleep it's been a long day and I'll see you soon okay, I'll ring you tomorrow and we can make a time to see each other when your aloud out of sight"

"Yeah night Trent"

"You to Kid Love you"

"Love you too"

"..."

"How weird is that to say?" I had to say it! ... He wasn't going to.

"Yeah it is ... But in a good way?"

"Yeah ... In a good way" I smile ... I can't not with Trent.

"Night love you"

"Love you too"

I hang up the phone. Wow ... Well I didn't see that coming ... He loves me ... I love him too.

I look down and see the sharp object sitting in my fingers, a small trail of blood over my hand ... Just off my finger. I lick the cut and try to get rid of the blood stains. Still holding the blade in my right hand I look at it. Covered in crimson fluid, staring me out.

"Fuck it"

I quickly before any second thoughts come to mind swipe the thin metal over my pale skin. I hiss on contact to my skin and feel the mixed up thoughts, the pain of my past and my newest pain, losing Chris flow down onto the tile floor. Tears fog my vision as I swipe again slightly over from my last indent. It's like a dam ... It will only hold so much water until it explodes, then the minute it does explode ... Sweet release follows. Feeling the blood trail down my wrist. Leaving a burning sensation all the way in it's path, and feeling a numbing from the cut it's self. It makes me think of the numb feeling and forget about the emotions.

I hate doing this ... But I love it. The pain is sweet, after I'm finished I love the feel, the pain over the time it takes to heal. I love everything about it.

Tears roll down my face as all I want is now probably in bed with some other guy.

Screw it I'll leave it till tomorrow to clean up right now I'm going to try and follow Trent's advice ... Sleep.

I head straight for under the covers and put my phone on the side table and hide under the pillow and sheets. Anything to block out the reality. My emotions exploded ... I just hope the next dam doesn't break.

_Oh ... But it will Jeff ... You know it will._

* * *

Italics is evil little voice in Jeff's head again lol.

Right okay this was a weird one. I liked writing it ... But I didn't also. Either way it's slightly long lmao!

I am so sorry for the long wait but hopefully it was worth it!

If you love me .. the review me .. if you want to flame ... flame away because I'm not a big fan of this chapter lmfao!

So pleasssse READ AND REVIEW! Tell me what you think ... When you review I write more and want it to be perfect ... x much luv x

READ AND REVIEW!


	23. Chapter 23

Hey am really sorry for last chapter ... It sucked really bad ... The length of it was okay but by god was it all over the place. I don't know what the hell my mind was thinking ... definitely not my best.. And in my eyes ... a filler chapter.

The next few chapters will be all over the place, not like falling into specific people or what not, just go with it ... Even if you think the outcome is something different than you want. It will be good in the end ... Promise lol X much luv X

* * *

ON WITH THE MADDNESS

11:30 ....

11:31 ....

***BANG BANG BANG***

The bright white walls are in contrast to the outside.

My eyes focus to the loud Tv.

The re-run of another sitcom that has played 3 times in the past two days.

***BANG BANG BANG***

"Fuck ... Chris"

The colours on the floor next to my note pad lie in a nice rainbow from each end of the spectrum.

The guitar I sometimes have with me sits in the corner as I wish I could play it as loud as possible.

"Babe, oh my god!"

I feel a shudder run through my spine and my eyes sting.

Erm ... That ... Erm ... The light outside the hotel flickers every 30 seconds give or take a few.

"Yeah that's it!"

Squeezing my eyes together and lying down pulling the pillow over my head I try to think of anything else.

***BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG***

I role over and look at the digital clock staring right back at me. The angry red numbers scream back at me.

11:33

"Jesus!"

I hop out of bed and remove the pillow from my head. I open the balcony window and let the fresh air hit me. I love the feel of the cold. It clears your soul ... Well for me it does. It feels like when you breathe in and you get that cooling feeling get sent through your body it makes everything freeze over, it makes the pain a little easier to deal with you know? Not taking all the pain away but it helps. I let the cold wrap round my body. Only wearing a vest and a pair of loose jeans isn't the warmest get up in the world.

"Mmmmmm God more!"

"Dammnit!"

I go back inside and close the door. I lock it and close the curtains, I want to block it out.

The torture.

11:40

It's been over 2 hours of this. I hate it. I would rather be stabbed at the moment. It feels like I am been stabbed. It feels like someone's is enjoying putting me through all of these tasks in life. They love seeing me feel hurt and take a sick pleasure in watching me crack up nearly every night.

Moans, groans, screams, names, whispers, bangs, laughs, giggles, pleasures … Torture.

Next door lays Chris and it …. Chris and … Kyle. Not so much lies as to fucks. It hurts to hear them, I'm slowly breaking down bit by bit. It hurts so much.

***BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG***

"Just stop!!"

I lash out my anger to the wall and a pain shoots from my finger tips and through my knuckles, most pain sets there but my wrist feels a dull ache and I get a boost of adrenaline.

***BANG BANG BANG***

"Stop! Please just fucking stop!" More pain shoots through my right hand.

The banging never stops only intensifying. It's when I know that some one must be playing such a sick game on me.

I sit down on the bed instantly reaching for the bedding. I pull the pillow over my head and rock slowly. Back and forth ... Back and forth. Something … Anything it has to stop. The noise has to stop. The love has to stop. The feeling of crushing has to stop. A small tune comes to my head … Blink 182 maybe … Not sure.

Through the thin walls, through me trying to block it out, through the pillow and the song. The noises still come through and pierce my ears.

Since I was a kid I close my eyes everything goes away. You can't see me I've got my eyes closed, I always believed that, always … Even when I was getting beat, hit, abused … What ever you want to call it. I always thought that. When they would come to my room. You can hear it. The slow eerie sounds of the stairs creaking. Then when they hit the top floor you can hear the foot steps change and the more heavy footed they get, the more they can't wait. Then while sitting on you bed, you can feel them behind you, you can feel them waiting to get a hold of you. Then you take a deep breath in and you close your eyes and wait for it to be over. You squeeze them close so tight, never let a single tear drop. Then next thing you know it's over. Your safe again. But not now … The more I close my eyes the more I can see it in my head. The more I can see my pain.

"Please stop … Please I just need it to stop, anything even for a moment … Please"

I don't beg, but I'll let down my honour now if it stops these vile sounding noises.

Silence fills the air and peace falls against my soul. I thank whatever whoever answered my prays and I hope to god that the silence remains. Slowly I feel the slight shake again and the low noises, tears run down my face and I pull my body up. I feel my last string of sanity snap and I run for the bathroom.

Side stepping last nights outbursts I grab the bottle of pain pills and take a handful swallowing as many as I can. This has to numb the pain. If anything it can take my mind of the ear bleeding sounds next door. I wait.

"Why won't it stop!!!?"

Impatient … Mabey … heartbroken and desperate … truly.

GO.

It's the only thing that screams to me now.

GO!

I run. I need the voices out my head and run down the hall.

"I can still hear them!"

I run down the hall then into the stairwell and run and jump down 2 flights of stairs.

"Please stop."

I see the exit and run past the main desk. The door was surrounded by the group. Mark, Matt, Adam, Glen, Hunter and Shawn. Without a second thought I ran past all of them not stopping to ask the rush of questions or the looks and yelling of my name.

…

"What the fuck?!"

"I don't know … Matt Mark you run up stairs I'll run for him"

"Yeah! Like you will catch him."

"Well I gotta try, Hunter and Shawn you follow in the car in case we lose him"

With that they all split up in a look for me.

I run like my life is limited. I can hear the same pace behind me and I look and see Adam behind me.

"Fuck!"

I don't know how but I pull up another speed, I just want to be away … From everyone.

"Jeff hold the hell up would you kid!"

"GO AWAY"

I run the fastest I honestly think I have in my life. I'm in so much pain; I can't keep running like this, the sounds just keep going through my head.

"Jeffy!"

Every noise which he makes makes me run faster and faster, the pain is killing me but I need to get away … Just more and more away.

"Please just leave"

"Stop running!"

"No!"

I turn around to see him getting closer to me, looking back to the path I keep up my speed and try to block out the agonising pain in my side which is slowly making its way round my back and up my arm. I feel my knee buckle from under me and I slowly fall to the fall with a hard smack. I feel my hands to the impact of my head and ribs take the fall. Coming closer is Adam's foot steps and I know in moments I will try to run again. I lift up from the floor groaning with the pain all through my body but happy to be at a stand still.

With that bout of happiness over I fall again and crash to the ground again. Adam runs and comes to my side.

He doesn't yell.

He doesn't break down at me he stares at me with a questioning look and silently asks me what the hell am I doing all this for?

"I heard them" … That stung even to hear from me. Hearing them ripped me apart like nothing else. When I know what it's like to be on the other side of that wall in his warm embrace to be so in love with him. To be one with him, then to hear it from the other side … I can't even describe on what level the pain is on.

He just stares at me and wraps me into a huge embrace. He says nothing which is comforting in some ways. He understands. He understands that I am past words and getting talked at. Or it's the fact that he can't deal with me anymore running out of words. How can he expect me to believe everything is going to be okay when he can't even believe himself?

Back at the hotel

"What made the kid run?" Mark asked the elder of the two Hardy's.

"I have no idea his room looks trashed though"

"I'm going to kill him! Walking in off his face, now trashing hotel rooms, who the hell does he think he is some fuck off rock star?"

Mark in anger threw himself to the wall to lean and think of what is to happen next. With the force and the noise the group were making Chris walked out of his hotel door.

"Guys what's the dilemma?"

"I'll give you one guess" Mark stated in a sarcastic tone.

Chris stared at him and then his gazed passed to the floor.

….."What's he done now?"

"Ran"

"What do you mean he ran?" Exclaimed the ex lover of the man in question.

"I honestly don't know Chris, we just saw him in a state and he ran out of the hotel at one hell of a speed, his room is trashed"

"How long ago was this?" He said with fear rising in his voice.

"Like less than 30 minutes ago I'm guessing, do you have any idea what the hell happened, did you hear anything?" asked Matt.

"Erm no me and kyle were kinda in the middle of something and…" Chris trailed off

From where Chris trailed off, Kyle picked up…

"He was fucking me through the bed" He said with a huge smile.

"Kyle they really didn't need to know that"

Matt's and Mark's faces twisted with the loud boisterous comment and both took a subtle step back.

Kyle then put his arms round Chris from behind consuming him and kissing his cheek.

"So what can we do you for?"

"Kyle babes go back inside, I'm just talking to Mark about a few things"

"Wrestling thingys?"

Matt gave a sly "What-The-Hell-Is-This-Guy-For-Real look" to Mark and awaited the answer of Y2J.

"No something to do with Jeff"

"Oh … Okay then … Fair enough"

He walked back in with a slight attitude and closed the door behind him.

"Sorry for that"

"… No problem" Stated Mark.

Awkward silence hit the three of them and the past 6 months ran through the heads, the slight bitchyness of Kyle and Jeff running out the door in a state.

After the silence progressed in to the 2 minute stage Matt asked out of the middle of no where startling both Matt and Chris.

"Did you hear anything?"

"Not much Matt serious just a few bangs, the walls are not all that thick here to be reasonable"

"That's it … Fuck"

"What? What is it?" Chris questioned.

"He heard you guys fucking"

"Shit!" Mark sighed as his body slipped to the ground and sat to take in and think of what is next for his nephew.

JEFF'S POV

The silence has been way to long. To long for comfort anyways, I just have to start small.

"What the hell am I gunna do Adam?"

I could feel him startle slightly from the question and feel him remove himself from the embrace however still hold me close to him.

"I don't know Jeffy, I really don't have a clue"

"It just ripped through me"

"We will get through this Jeff it may be difficult and it will be filled with a lot more hurt but you have to keep going and I will drag you through this all, we all will"

I can feel warm droplets slowly move down my cheeks, I can't take this anymore … I can feel myself running out of fuel, I'm just going to break. Next I can feel Adams thumb run under my eye and his hand caress my cheek, his other one moving up making it symmetrical on the other side.

"Kid I swear to God, everything is going to be okay"

"Promise?"

"I promise Jeffy"

* * *

Right okay its well crap I see that, I have writers rust as I like to call it. I'm getting into the swing again and there is still some writer's block but am working on it :) Please read and review even if you hate me now … I'll try to win your lovely hearts back.


	24. Chapter 24

Right I am so so so sorry for the long wait I have put you guys through. Honestly I have been so full of nothing at the moment like to where I can not think of anything that I feel is good enough for you.

Then I had a list of what chapter was next and now I see it as things change directions change and things don't always go to plan so why can I not put my lifestyle into the piece which means a lot to me anyways :)

**Slashdlite **Is my saviour! – Kicked my ass into gear and can not thank you enough!!!!!!! This one is for you!!!!

On with the slash!

Jeff's POV

Well … It's been like nearly a month since the whole breakdown thing, it's been tough but Adam has helped me so much … I still see Trent when I can, meaning when I can get away and not make it obvious so he gets killed. I'm trying to get use to the whole Chris Kyle thing. I can now be around them, just letting it go I guess.

It's not the first time I have had to let him go, just this time I let him go not him letting me go.

…

"Right okay, we have tomorrow off so everyone drink it up!" Shouted Adam at the rest of us who were at the table.

Me, Matt, Mark, Glen, Jay, Amy, Randy, Shawn, Hunter Plus Chris and Kyle all sat round the table with Adam and shot back the vodka shot from the bottles we bought at the bar.

Adam chased his with a gulp of beer and I grabbed my beer of the table, throwing it down in one pour. I placed the bottle down on the table and looked around everyone engaged in group conversations. Marks heavy stare landing on me with a disapproving look.

"I'm cool Mark, serious"

"Okay that's fine, just take it easy"

"Okay"

…

The hotel bar was buzzing with wrestlers some enjoying a meal, some enjoying just a quiet drink, or a lot more like us trying to knock back as much as we can.

I can see my beer over the other side of the table. Everyone keeps moving around, some are outside some are inside, Vince should have made this just one of his random business parties, it's the one time everyone is here. Granted some are more coherent than others. Either way I miss placed it and its right next to Chris and Adam.

"Adam? Adam?!" No use in shouting for him again, he has already almost reached his damn limit. When he said drink it up … He wasn't joking

"Chris … Chris can you pass my beer please?"

"Yeah sure no problem Jeff"

He passed the bottle over the crowded table and I reached over the empty ones on the table and grasped just under his hand.

The top of my fingers brushed against the bottom of his and we both locked eyes, his grip never loosened on the bottle and I didn't try to move anywhere … It could just be the large amount of alcohol shared among us … But the shock between us made us stare even harder at each other.

"Chris? … CHRIS!!" … A screeching broke our stare and he pulled away from the bottle and I grasped it and brought it towards my mouth. I poured it down my neck and just kept drinking until it was gone … I couldn't help it.

It was so surreal, like his gaze lasted for hours on me, in reality it was only a minute at most, but I got lost …

Kyle's eyes are now on Chris and I need to go for another beer.

I shuffle past a few people and then have to shuffle round Kyle and got a hacky look off him, I ignored it and aimed for the bar where, on my 10 foot trek there I decided a beer wouldn't cut it, ordering a triple Jack Daniels, I shot it back there and then and ask for another. While paying I got a shock with the hard grasp on my shoulder.

"What did I say?"

"Yeah I know Mark"

"Just what are you drinking now?"

"Just whisky, it's cool"

"Kid…"

"I know, Mark it's been a while plus we all have tomorrow off, so I can sleep it off … Please?"

"As long as you're not drinking to get drunk"

"I'm not" … Well lets be fair I wasn't but now it's nice to have a reason.

"Good"

We walk back over to the table and I sit next to Adam trying to talk and not drink just to get drunk. I sip at it slowly and let the time slide by.

…

I love places like this.

I love the calm space, where the air is rushing into you lightly and you can actually breathe not been suffocated by tall buildings, just trees and dim lights, the moon is huge tonight it just fills the dark night sky. So much inspiration from such little things we take for granted in life.

"We take everything for granted" I mumbled then took another drink of my Vodka … It's straight yet again … I don't care though Mark will kick my ass but half the people are gone now and I am buzzed of my face.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"You said something?"

"What?!"

"Wow how buzzed are you?"

My eyes find a straight point of view and I see Randy looking confused at me.

"Very buzzed"

"Right that's great Mark wants to talk inside with you for a few minutes.

"Okay, thanks Randy"

"No bother Kid … Can you walk?"

I down the rest of my drink "Of course"

He smirked at me … This is why I love Randy … He knows I have no chance in hell walking in a straight line but he is going to have one hell of time laughing his ass off watching me.

I smirked back and carried on walking, a little less graceful than normal and walked up to Mark. Wow looking round nearly everyone is gone, I was outside with randy for a while.

"Uncy Marky"

"Right that tells me I'm going to have to walk you up to your room"

"Not yet, I wanna stay out for a while"

"You sure, no one is here?"

"I know, I need some time to think for now"

"Okay kid, look you need me you know what room I'm in"

"Yeah no problem, Night Mark"

"Night Kid, Love you"

"Love you too Uncle Mark"

He walked away and the inside was cleared of wrestlers, the inside had a few people who were staying at the hotel. Adam, Randy and Jay were still outside plus a few people again were still outside.

"Right Kid we are off to bed now, well this one is" He laughed

"Wow he is gone"

"Yup, yes he is" Added Jay

"Need any help?"

"Nah thanks Jeff, we got it covered then we are going to bed ourselves after we get this drunk fucker to bed" smirking again

"Adam you awake dude?" I asked him while playfully slapping his face

"…" No reaction … Okay apparently not

We have a laugh at our friends passed out state and they walk him up to the room.

"You're not coming up?"

"Nah I need some time"

"Okay cool, you know if you need us Kid"

"Night Jeff"

"Night you guys"

Now everyone has gone I can just relax lie back and just, sit and take it in. I grab my drink and gulp it down then head to the bar to get a bottle of vodka. The barman looks at me up and down

Wow at least be subtle with the judgement … Ass hole

I walked back and took a seat looking up at the stars and the sky. The outdoor lights have been turned off not many people are out so it really didn't need to be so bright. Indoor was still open … Open all night.

I was opening the bottle and staring still at the sky. So this is what it's like to be empty … I never thought I would feel like this again … Never …

It's so consuming, like I feel like I can be with everyone in the room and not feel there at all. The drink hurts I don't want to be drunk it's just easier that way, to not know what I'm doing any more. Not been able to think … Apart from this. Proves I need to drink that little bit more.

"Damn where did everyone go?"

I swing my body round and I see Chris.

"What?"

"Where did everyone go?"

"Dude it's like 1.30 in the morning, everyone was either too wasted, too tired or too old to carry on through the night"

"And what about you?"

"I needed that one more drink"

"I don't think you need anymore" He said smirking and taking the bottle off me and sitting on the deck chair right next to mine.

"Oh and you do?"

"Yeah I do"

"Dude you stumble"

"Yes but after a night and conversation I have just had, you would ask for all the booze you could get"

"Okay"

We sat in silence I lit up while he was having a drink and he pushed the bottle to me, both nicely feeling the buzz … Well extra buzz.

"You know what I had to buy today?"

I jumped at Chris' question as we have sat in silence for so long.

"What?"

"You know how we were drinking beer?"

"Yeah"

"Or you have spirits, half the time?"

"Yeah"

"Well I had to buy a cocktail today"

"As in like a jug for everyone or like a fishbowl or something?"

"Oh no a single glass one"

"What the fuck? A cocktail non of us fuckers drink cocktails, unless they are our homemade ones" I said laughing … Home made ones equals anything we find in one bowl

"Kyle"

"Are you serious?"

"Yup"

"Did he get like hammered?"

"No, but he went in a pissy mood"

"Are you shitting me?"

"No, I was drinking too much apparently"

"It's your day off though tomorrow, it's like a rule, get shitfaced"

"No he wanted a nice night in together"

"But it's a rule"

"Yeah that's what I said"

"So what happened?"

"We went upstairs he bitched, I sat and drank he bitched more he went to go stay at a friends house who lives near by, I came down here to see if there was anyone around to get fuck faced with and I found you" He said in one long breathe and smiled

"I'm glad"

"Just the alcohol talking?"

"Could well be" I smirked at him

"Brat"

I smirked at him and Chris gave me his winning smile that steals all those hearts.

"Anyways" I start "I thought you and Kyle were going good?"

"Yeah, it's just falling apart slightly"

"How?"

"Seriously, let's just forget it, and get another bottle?"

"How do we drink so much?"

" 'cos we are pros and refuse to throw up"

"Yes Jeffy that is it!"

"You called me Jeffy"

"Shit … Erm yeah … Jeff"

"I liked it"

"It was wrong"

"Yeah … Your right"

"I'll go get the next bottle"

"Kay Chris"

I lie back … What the fuck is happening? … What the hell is going on with all of this I swear to god I am so confused with everything now it's like we are talking now?

Cigarette is all I can think at the moment in time. So I pull one out and light it up inhaling quickly.

"It's a dirty habit"

"Compared to most of my old or other ones, this is rather nice"

"Touché" He laughed

"Next bottle?"

"Next bottle" Chris opened it up and we carried on from there.

…

"Chris what time is it?

"Jesus … It's like 3.30"

"I'm fucked" I giggled

"Jeff don't giggle, we will get the giggles and then all is laughing and I can't deal with it"

The laughing continued the more he said don't the more it happened.

"Right Jeff we gotta get some sleep, then not waste the day tomorrow"

"Yeah, if I can walk"

"I'll help"

"Yeah trust your ass with mine fuck right off"

Chris picked me up easily while laughing and we walked to the door stopping by the wall, I pulled out of his grasp and fell against the wall. I laughed and pulled out another cigarette.

"Like I said it's a dirty habit"

"Like I said … well should have said fuck off"

"Don't be a dick Jeffy Babes"

"Jeffy Babes?"

"Shit!"

He throws himself against the wall and stands by me. I throw most of the cigarette away after a few more drags.

"I'm sorry"

"What for?"

"For calling you that, I shouldn't have it was wrong"

"It was a slip of the tongue"

"Yeah … Yeah just a slip of the tongue, that's all it was, thanks Jeff"

He pulled me off the wall and stood me up, leaning on each other we hugged.

"Thanks for understanding"

"I always do it's why we get along so well"

"You know I miss this"

"The understanding"

"No Jeff, the friendship"

"Yeah same here … It's difficult"

"I know"

"I'm sorry … I just can't…"

Before I finish my sentence I look down and refuse to look up, I pull away from the never ending hug and walk to my side for the door.

He yanks my arm so I come back to him and he pushes me back into the wall.

He stares at me like he did earlier today, all his emotions shown better in the natural light of the night sky. The bright blue glisten and with a sheen of tears over them they glisten even more. He stares at me, his eyes show anger, hate, love, lust, passion … Every emotion surging through me it's like its flowing into him.

He leans down slightly and kisses my lips ever so softly.

I pull back and look at him, one emotion screaming more than any … lust.

He pulls me back in and I kiss back with every ounce of emotion I have, it goes into him. I want him to have them. The love the devotion the everything. I want to keep the hate, the self hate, the pain. But at the moment, there is none, Just Chris and me.

I kiss him back and feel his mouth start to open, it grants me access and I kiss him.

It's all I can do, I taste every inch of his mouth, I feel his tongue battling with mine, for love, for hate, for power, for everything that has happened this is what we had.

He pulls away this time, stares at me and smirks. He moves slowly back kissing my lips lightly. Then tilts my head to the side by pushing my cheek with his temple, he then kisses softly down my neck from my ear to collar bone, finding my spot I moan lightly in his ear.

He starts to nibble where he knows best and draws me in closer pulling me towards him more. Upon hearing my moan, he bites a little harder, knowing that how I like It I thrust my hips towards him unknowingly. He moans and pulls away from my neck and goes back to kissing me, consuming me.

I love it.

"Come on" He whispers in a husky voice while staring down at me.

"Okay" We kiss one more time and he takes my hand and leads me upstairs.

We get to the lift and his hands are on me again.

"Fuck I want you bad Jeffy" He says as his hands wander up to my back.

"I want you bad"

"You want me bad Jeffy?"

"Yeah"

"You want it rough, the way we use to?"

"Ye… Oh fuck!" I feel a burn move all the way from my shoulder blades to my lower back … Scratches … It gets me.

"You really know how to push my buttons Irvine"

"Its how I like it"

We came to our floor and he got out my key card.

He smiled at me and took my hand, kissed me and shut the door.

It could be the alcohol but that smile seemed more than booze. But … Is that what I want?

Should it be the alcohol or not? … I'm not all too sure. I'm just going to live it. Have my moment again … Our moment again.

**Right there you guys go :) please let me know what you think it means the world to me sorry again but I can not wait to hear what you think … I dare say it's on the go again**

**I feel like I'm a step to been fully back … YEY**

**Read and review :) xoxox**


	25. Chapter 25

I am so sorry ... I suck ... But it's 2010 ... And i want to get back into writing i love it ... And it will be different i have grew a little and i am in a much happier place ... I thank who ever still remembers me and i will try to please.

Here we go then ... Thanks for been here for me ... Lets go for this in the new year :)

**Slashdlite is amazing!**

* * *

He's Back

"_You want it rough, the way we use to?"_

"_Ye… Oh fuck!" I feel a burn move all the way from my shoulder blades to my lower back … Scratches … It gets me._

"_You really know how to push my buttons Irvine"_

"_Its how I like it"_

_We came to our floor and he got out my key card._

_He smiled at me and took my hand, kissed me and shut the door._

"I want you so bad Jeffy"

I am lost in emotion. All i can feel is Chris rubbing up against me like he use to not giving a fuck and driving me insane with his hands, mouth ... Everything.

"Chris ... Shit, Hurry up, please i'm dying here"

I feel his hands move down scratching every inch of my willing body. I can remember everything about him how his body is, how it runs so smoothly into his hips and down his thick strong legs.

His mouth attacks me next, kissing past my stomach, lower to my hip ...

"Fuck! Chris. NOW!"

"No way, i have waited so long for this, i am enjoying every moment of hearing your little moans scream at me"

With that his teeth scraped along my leg, making me shout obsanites. My body thrusts up to meet his also naked one and my finger nails drag down his perfectly structured back. Digging in, showing him my frustraions and lust. He arches up and moans loudly.

He loves it.

"Say it Jeffy!"

"No!"

"Say it, it's the only way your gettin' it from me babe"

His hands are everywhere on me. He scratches both my sides at the same time, leaving a burning trail of pleasure and pain and he knows he has me.

"Fuck me! ... Chris i swear to god fuck me now or i will rip the skin right off your back"

With that dirty talk which he drowns in, he grabs both my arms shoves them above my head and places all his weight on my lower body, Domonation. Something i'm a sucker for.

He thrusts into me, and it hurts.

The pain from Chris, the physical pain. It washes away everything i have felt in the past few months. The burning and the moment between us again makes everything that has happened seem pointless and bearly existent.

The feel of him again, God ...

I can bearly explain it. I don't even need to say anything bar incoherent shit, he knows how i like it, and he loves how he knows, he knows how to make me scream for more, how he can tease me and ...

Unfortunatly he knows just how to kill me.

Getting dragged out my thoughts, he hits my sweet spot and i can't keep quiet any longer. I scream louder than i had been.

"Fuck! Chris, get me off, please i'm going to go insane if you don't"

"Shut the hell up, do you want your uncle to know?!"

"He's on a diffrent floor"

"Exactly, shut the hell up!"

"Fuck you"

"Other way round Jeffy, I'll go harder if you don't already know"

I love how we can slide straight back into this. We argue during sex, we can talk while he fucks me through to next door and still keep serious.

He makes sure i know who is in control, his hips snap harder and faster clashing with mine.

I can't even speak right now. This is what i need, and who i need.

He reaches for me, he is so close. He leans forward and starts kissing my neck in a wild fashion.

"Fuck Jeffy you are so good" He states while kissing my neck.

"I don't wanna stop"

"It's gonna have to Jeffy"

"Oh my god, this is too good"

My hips are snapping back connecting to his making everything more intense. His forehead is pressed against mine. His eyes crushed closed.

"Look at me Jeffy, god please look at me"

I look him straight in the eye, he continues to fuck me.

"Why is this happening Jeffy?, Why is this always so good?"

"I have no idea" I said closing my eyes for a split second.

"Look at me!"

With that, he finaly breaks his level of staminer and releases in me and i join him in the inbetween stage of not knowing weather your alive or dead.

His eyes shimmer when the light hits them, tears threatening to fall.

He kisses me and holds his breath. I kiss back and breathe out.

All we can do is stare at each other. Saying nothing. To be honest i think the alcohol has washed off both of us now. We just don't say it.

..............

CHRIS' POV

Mmmm i love this.

I love having him pressed up against me his back pressed to my front. I feel i can protect him this way. I haven't slept this good in so long.

JEFF'S POV

I have needed this for so long. I feel like i have been nicely, and well fucked last night and the best sleep in a while. I so have needed this.

CHRIS' POV

The light flickers through the curtains. My eyes twitch. I feel this amazing feeling just going to get better when i can wake up and see him.

JEFF'S POV

I roll over and snuggle more into his chest, reaching up to play with his hair which i love so much.

... .... ....

Fuck thats not Trent ... FUCK!

I bolt up right and scare who i was sleeping next to.

"What the hell?!"

"Shit ... Jeff?"

"Chris ... What the hell happened?"

"Oh shit, This can not be happening to us. Not again. I thought we were over this whole thing!"

"Obviously not!"

"Don't get bitchy with me Jeff, Your not the one who has just cheated!"

"Fuck, Kyle, shit i forgot!"

"Yeah, hense the problem!" He spins his legs off the bed and sits on the edge, just to carry on ranting.

"Shit, am gonna lose someone over a drunk fuck ... Dammit!" He places his head in his hands.

... That one hurt. Really hurt. What did i really expect to be fair?!

Anything but that i guess ...

"So what now?!"

"If i knew that Jeff do you honestly think i would be sitting here?"

"WELL LOOK I'M JUST A DRUNK FUCK GO BACK ABOUT YOUR DAY FORGET IT AND LIVE LIFE, WE SHALL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN ... OKAY?!" i shouted a little more angry than i wanted to show.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Just go okay!"

"What?!"

"Just go, leave, and say you slept at Mark's or someone's, or you looked after Adam, Just go back to Kyle and forget this happened. It was a mistake, and we fucked up with alot of drink. Thats it, He doesn't have to get hurt"

"How the hell can i do that when i know that i have done it!"

"Just go!"

"What is your problem?!"

"We fucked!"

"IT MEANT NOTHING!"

"Then go"

" There's no point in talking about it is there?"

"No ... Guess not"

"I'll see you around okay ..."

"Yeah whatever man"

We both get dressed in under a minute and i open the door and let him out. This is not how it should be.

"Jeff?"

"Shhh, Don't, Please"

"But...."

"No buts"

"Later" Chris said with a blank expression on his face.

He walks away and i just stand at the door looking at, i guess the guy i'm in love with walk away to go be with another guy. He turns round and walks back to my room. What?

He walks at a faster pace than he left and he looked at me. Up and down. My heart starts pounding.

He then walks past me and continues into the room. I am frozen to my spot and he then walks back out. He shakes his phone in front of me, to show what he had came back for.

"Forgot this ..."

"Okay"

"Jeff ... If there are 'no buts' Then what the hell are still standing there for?"

He then walks away and i feel like i have just been winded, i watch him walk half way down the hall and i retreat back into my room. The horrible stinging feeling happens at the bridge of my nose and i sink face first into the pillow. I try to understand how we even got here. but i just can't even begin to think about it right now. If i do. I will break. And that is never an option for me.

I pick up the phone and call a well known number to me.

He just walked off to go back to him. To go back and forget that i even happened last night. I need to do the same. I know we are all going round in circles but i can't break right now. The phone is ringing ...

"Sup?"

"Trent, what you up to?"

"Not much, you?"

"Wanna go for a drink?"

"11am? ... You read my mind kid ... Let me guess Chrisy troubles?" he mocked in such an annoying voice

"Are you going to shut the fuck up and help me or just be a dick about it and let me drink by myself?"

"Are you serious? I wouldn't do that,i would still have to be friends with you" He said with a laugh.

"Are you done, you tool?"

"Yeah i think, meet me in an hour"

I put the phone down and all i can ask myself is .... Circles much?!

* * *

Hehe, this one is for **Slashdlite** she is amazing, such a great writer and pushes other writers like me to finish and get started and keep them motivated ... So much love goes out to her ...

And another note ... **RAW-SYNTH3TICA** her story "**WWE All on the line**" Is amazing! Just amazing so a shout out to her too.

But thank you everyone ... **Slashdlite **... You are a hero!!!!! : )


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